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Thread: Why is he so different when he drinks?

  1. #31
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    You are very insecure..sorry but your BF is right...it's not fair that you are expecting him to focus on you and your text messages at any time...I'm assuming you are the one that misinterprets the messages at times and lay into him about it.

    It's healthy to let one have a life outside the relationship, and the relationship should never revolve around you. Stop with this jealousy....When he is out with friends...leave him to it, let him have his me and my friends time...and you get a life too. Go out and have some fun with your friends...go do something rather than pestering him for attention. Just let it go.

    Obviously he was childishly proving a point how irritating it is to be texted constantly when you knew he was out. How about some good old fashion communication. You both need to discuss boundaries next time you see each other, have a one on one....you know just clear the air. When you know he is out, stop texting him, and he has to do the same for you. Maybe set up specific times where you both would like to talk/chat. This can be worked out, just have to come to some agreement/compromise and go from there.

    Yeah, no. Youíve got a bee in your bonnet and the wrong end of the stick here and if you read the whole thread and all of my comments you will see where youíve gone wrong.

    I donít misinterpret very clear messages. I am not delusional. And I donít expect him to focus on me at all times.....
    If heís out I always tell him have a good time Iíll speak to you after. Or, let me know when youíre home safe. Because you know, I care! But HE initiates conversations. I have always had a policy of only texting him when heís texts me first. Itís very rare that I start conversations because
    a) he works nights; sleeps during the day, so Iím not gonna text him all day hoping that heís awake and will answer me. He messages me when heís up and about and starting his day
    b) I never message him when heís at work because heís working! So thereís a massive portion of his day that he wonít hear from me. He will occasionally message me on his break and if Iím awake Iíll message him back and ask how work is going and if heís ok (as he has underlying health conditions that I wonít go into detail about but I do worry about him and care if heís ok). But otherwise, as I said in another comment, I donít message him because heís there to work; not to talk to me.
    c) Iím also very busy doing a degree and working and being a guardian for my brother so I donít always have time anyway
    d) I donít WANT to be a nag. So if he wants to talk we will talk if we both have time. If Iím busy he knows I will get back to him later and vice versa.
    e) As I said previously he goes to visit his mom every single day so when heís busy there I leave him to it and let him just message me when heís free.

    If Iím with my own friends and he messages Iíll read the mood of everyone else. If weíre all deep in conversation then of course Iím not gonna be on my phone. But if itís casual, people are scrolling, conversation is light, then yeah sure I may message him back. Which Iím sure is the same thing for him.

    What I said was, if you read everything properly, he initiates text conversations when he is out. Or we will be having a conversation and he doesnít tell me that heís getting ready to go out or has arrived at the pub or his friends house or whatever, so I donít know where he is or what heís doing and he will carry on the conversation as normal and then Iíll be like wait so are you out yet? And then he will tell me heís at the pub. So obviously in those instances he doesnít mind texting. But I will always say well go have fun message me later. But a lot of the time he switches his mood almost instantly and becomes moody, aggressive, snappy etc. And Iíve deduced that this is influenced by drink.
    Iíve said in another comment that I will often ignore him and he will continue to poke at me by messaging or snapping me and being annoying. And he knows eventually I will get annoyed and message him back. I donít demand attention and I donít feel jealous that heís with friends. So those comments are uncalled for coming from a stranger.
    I wasnít asking if people think Iím insecure and demanding and whiny and nagging and jealous. I just wondered why he gets so moody and acts different when drinking.

    Thank you though.

  2. #32
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    True..... Focus on yourself, your healing and your future. Don't pay attention to haters, drinkers or anyone who puts you down..
    Originally Posted by me1993
    Yeah, no. Youíve got a bee in your bonnet and the wrong end of the stick here and if you read the whole thread and all of my comments you will see where youíve gone wrong.

  3. #33
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    True..... Focus on yourself, your healing and your future. Don't pay attention to haters, drinkers or anyone who puts you down..
    Thank you! :)

  4. #34
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    Originally Posted by me1993
    Yeah, no. Youíve got a bee in your bonnet and the wrong end of the stick here and if you read the whole thread and all of my comments you will see where youíve gone wrong.

    I donít misinterpret very clear messages. I am not delusional. And I donít expect him to focus on me at all times.....
    If heís out I always tell him have a good time Iíll speak to you after. Or, let me know when youíre home safe. Because you know, I care! But HE initiates conversations. I have always had a policy of only texting him when heís texts me first. Itís very rare that I start conversations because
    a) he works nights; sleeps during the day, so Iím not gonna text him all day hoping that heís awake and will answer me. He messages me when heís up and about and starting his day
    b) I never message him when heís at work because heís working! So thereís a massive portion of his day that he wonít hear from me. He will occasionally message me on his break and if Iím awake Iíll message him back and ask how work is going and if heís ok (as he has underlying health conditions that I wonít go into detail about but I do worry about him and care if heís ok). But otherwise, as I said in another comment, I donít message him because heís there to work; not to talk to me.
    c) Iím also very busy doing a degree and working and being a guardian for my brother so I donít always have time anyway
    d) I donít WANT to be a nag. So if he wants to talk we will talk if we both have time. If Iím busy he knows I will get back to him later and vice versa.
    e) As I said previously he goes to visit his mom every single day so when heís busy there I leave him to it and let him just message me when heís free.

    If Iím with my own friends and he messages Iíll read the mood of everyone else. If weíre all deep in conversation then of course Iím not gonna be on my phone. But if itís casual, people are scrolling, conversation is light, then yeah sure I may message him back. Which Iím sure is the same thing for him.

    What I said was, if you read everything properly, he initiates text conversations when he is out. Or we will be having a conversation and he doesnít tell me that heís getting ready to go out or has arrived at the pub or his friends house or whatever, so I donít know where he is or what heís doing and he will carry on the conversation as normal and then Iíll be like wait so are you out yet? And then he will tell me heís at the pub. So obviously in those instances he doesnít mind texting. But I will always say well go have fun message me later. But a lot of the time he switches his mood almost instantly and becomes moody, aggressive, snappy etc. And Iíve deduced that this is influenced by drink.
    Iíve said in another comment that I will often ignore him and he will continue to poke at me by messaging or snapping me and being annoying. And he knows eventually I will get annoyed and message him back. I donít demand attention and I donít feel jealous that heís with friends. So those comments are uncalled for coming from a stranger.
    I wasnít asking if people think Iím insecure and demanding and whiny and nagging and jealous. I just wondered why he gets so moody and acts different when drinking.

    Thank you though.
    Well now that you explained, seriously why are you actually with this guy? Do you need this bs?

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  6. #35
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I wasnít asking if people think Iím insecure and demanding and whiny and nagging and jealous. I just wondered why he gets so moody and acts different when drinking.
    He's the only one who can honestly answer that question. Unless he wants to tackle this issue on his own, he'll either find a way, or he'll find an excuse.

    My guess is, he continues to disrespect you simply because he knows there's no consequences to be had. Why not start by addressing why you chose to tolerate this behaviour?
    Last edited by HeartGoesOn; 08-08-2020 at 09:27 PM.

  7. #36
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    Originally Posted by HeartGoesOn
    He's the only one who can honestly answer that question. Unless he wants to tackle this issue on his own, he'll either find a way, or he'll find an excuse.

    My guess is, he continues to disrespect you simply because he knows there's no consequences to be had. Why not start by addressing why you chose to tolerate this behaviour?
    I donít. Which is why we get into arguments. I could just let it go but I donít because Iím not the type to keep my mouth shut when something is on my mind or someone is attacking me.
    Maybe heís just a rowdy drunk and wants a row and chooses me because he knows Iíll give it back to him. Who knows?

  8. #37
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Not really the point, ME1993.

    "I just wondered why he gets so moody and acts different when drinking.
    "


    You may have heard the saying "in vino veritas". Meaning, "in drink we tell the truth about ourselves." The drink is bringing out the real him rather like a truth serum. I imagine you don't wish to be with that kind of person? Never mind the utter futility of arguing with a drunk!

    At the heart of the matter the point is, as Tiny asked above: why are you with this guy?

    What are you going to do?

  9. #38
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    But you do choose to tolerate his behavior. You do not leave the relationship, you do not stop engaging when he's behaving like this, you continue to message and argue with him.

    If you really want to stop enabling his behavior you would simply state "I'm not going to continue this conversation. I am going to shut off my phone. Enjoy your night out and I will talk to you tomorrow."

  10. #39
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    because a lot of ppl change when they are drunk.
    Maybe its the best to back off when he is out drinking and not to call or text, but do your thing in a way that sets boundaries for him.
    watch his behaviour and don't argue with him when he is drunk. Safety always comes first.

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