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Thread: My dad's clutter is driving me crazy

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Anything that doesn't fit in his room must go into storage. In the meantime start finding some appropriate senior housing for him.
    Originally Posted by cinadan
    The stuff that remains is STILL enough to fill up my living room, my guest room, half the kitchen, and spill over into the master bedroom.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    i think a storage unit would be a good idea for his stuff. How long are you planning to let him stay? Can you help him look for a place of his own?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    I hope your dad's stay is only temporary.

    Use the half of your mind and call a waste disposal company to haul your dad's junk away and discard the rest. Sift through his old paper work and scan everything that is important. Shred and discard the rest. Original, important documents can be kept at a local bank's safety deposit box.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I hope your dad's stay is only temporary.

    Use the half of your mind and call a waste disposal company to haul your dad's junk away and discard the rest. Sift through his old paper work and scan everything that is important. Shred and discard the rest. Original, important documents can be kept at a local bank's safety deposit box.
    Wow....we are talking about an adult and his possessions, not a child. Like it or not, junk or not, OP has no right to destroy his father's belongings or take control over his documents unless the man is legally held incompetent and a court of law gives the son full guardianship, which doesn't sound to be the situation here. You do not strong arm adults like that without potentially facing some legal consequences not to mention destroying whatever relationship you have. Geez.......

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member maew's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    Wow....we are talking about an adult and his possessions, not a child. Like it or not, junk or not, OP has no right to destroy his father's belongings or take control over his documents unless the man is legally held incompetent and a court of law gives the son full guardianship, which doesn't sound to be the situation here. You do not strong arm adults like that without potentially facing some legal consequences not to mention destroying whatever relationship you have. Geez.......
    Agree. I think it's very selfless of you to have made space for your dad and helped him go through his stuff.

    The idea of finding a storage unit for him to rent is great.... I think it would also be great to acknowledge that he was willing to go through and get rid of 75% of it... that's a huge amount and it probably really overwhelmed him... when I go through and get rid of stuff I have to do it in stages and some stuff it takes time to process letting go of.

  7. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    I agree you canít destroy or dispose of another adults belongings .

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Cherylyn
    I hope your dad's stay is only temporary.

    Use the half of your mind and call a waste disposal company to haul your dad's junk away and discard the rest. Sift through his old paper work and scan everything that is important. Shred and discard the rest. Original, important documents can be kept at a local bank's safety deposit box.
    This is a man's lifetime of memories and records. He has a right to them. And something another person doesn't think is important may end up being VERY important later.
    He never said his dad is 97. If they are young newlyweds or mid 30s - dad could be anywhere from mid 40s to 60s depending on how old he was when the OP was born. Even if he is 70 - its not "end of life going through dad's stuff"

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I may be a bit skewed but this is my upbringing. A child never asks for rent from a parent. I thought it was very generous of him to have given you money towards your mortgage. It's your duty to offer him lodging and care in the remainder of his life if he needs it. The excess of items can be gone through with him and he needs to understand that he's welcome to stay with conditions. That's my personal opinion.

    In terms of your situation?

    I think both of you as a couple should sit down first and discuss what your options are for dad and both of you need to be on the same page. You need to make up your mind and deal with your own mixed emotions before you propose anything to your spouse or discuss things because the likelihood is she's just as emotional about these disruptions or even more so than you because he's not her father.

    Talk about it together and see whether you can come to a decision on how to handle this. Take the opportunity to do it as a team. You may be newlyweds but you are now also performing as one household/one unit or as a unified whole. You aren't kids anymore mucking around or dating and this isn't any old guy. He's your dad. I know you're both at your wits end and frustrated. Think about it for a few days and talk about it together.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    As long as your dad's stay is temporary, all of you should be ok. Just make sure his stay isn't permanent nor prolonged!

    Of course, sift through his stuff with him. Show him the dilemma and how you're all buried alive in his stuff. Declutter by having 3 piles: One pile for donations, one pile for keep and another pile for discarded items. Then continue to cull through the stuff and whittle down the mound!

    For charitable donations, one man's junk is another man's treasure!

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    Honestly, its not healthy as newlyweds for a relative to move in. you need your time to be newlyweds - and i am not specifically referring to sex. If dad can afford to pay you, he can afford a place on his own nearby. I definitely would get a storage unit for dad and encourage dad to keep his most precious things and in-season clothes in his room. And allow a few family momentos in the main house area. He should keep all the basics that are duplicates to your home that he would need to move back out (dishes etc). If you like having dad there, maybe buying a house with an inlaw apartment or finding out if there is a small apartment available in your building.
    It was partially her idea. We were both underemployed for several months this year, and we could have used the extra money. My dad offered to pay some money.

    I think it would also be great to acknowledge that he was willing to go through and get rid of 75% of it
    Most of it was honestly just stuff he was too lazy to get rid of. Walkmans, old mobile phones, computers, CRT monitors, expired food, old shoes. He's got lots of bottles of liquor that people have given him as a gift, but it just ends up on the shelf because he doesn't drink. I suggested that he could just give it to a different friend, but he said he'd feel guilty about it so he will go and buy the exact same kind of liquor that he already has.

    He's the kind of guy who when something breaks, he just goes out and buys another but doesn't throw out the old one. When my mom was around she at least kept him in check, but when my mom passed he also became really lazy and puts everything off, like disposing of old appliances.

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