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Girlfriend wants to be friends for now


user6785

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My girlfriend broke up with me, we met each other at college and got on really well and I asked her to be my girlfriend. Everything was amazing both happy etc. Then coronavirus happened and we were unable to see each other for around 5 months we still held video calls and things. After she visited me, she messaged me a few days after the visit and said it wasn’t the same and that she still liked me and see how things go when we go back to college in about a month or two (we are living in the same block) as it may have been to the time apart. I felt as though things were normal. Is she judging the relationship on the 5 days she came to see me and not the whole relationship? Just looking for thoughts and advice. I am giving her space and then going to see how things go at college but not be too full on.

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It doesn't matter is she is judging on the 5 days or something else entirely. What does matter is that she is not that into you and not afraid to lose you.

 

Also, when getting dumped, always take any offer of "let's stay friends or let's see how things are down the road" with a huge grain of salt. Usually people don't actually mean that, they are just trying to let you down softly.

 

Bottom line, don't agree to sit on the back burner as her backup option with some vague idea that maybe she'll want you again down the road. You are worth more than that and you need to find a girl to whom you are the #1 option and the only option. Someone she'd never risk losing to a break or a break up.

 

I'd lose her number in your shoes and look elsewhere for a gf.

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I don't know what to say buddy. Years ago at grad school, I met a really nice girl. Went on several dates, but when we graduated she went back to her own country. For the first year, we kept up a LDR but it fizzled out. We're still friends. When she's in my hometown, she comes to see me.

 

I ended up getting married to a different woman in the end, so I suppose things worked out.

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It doesn't matter is she is judging on the 5 days or something else entirely. What does matter is that she is not that into you and not afraid to lose you.

 

Also, when getting dumped, always take any offer of "let's stay friends or let's see how things are down the road" with a huge grain of salt. Usually people don't actually mean that, they are just trying to let you down softly.

Bottom line, don't agree to sit on the back burner as her backup option with some vague idea that maybe she'll want you again down the road. You are worth more than that and you need to find a girl to whom you are the #1 option and the only option. Someone she'd never risk losing to a break or a break up.

 

I'd lose her number in your shoes and look elsewhere for a gf.

 

I understand where you’re coming from however she is into me and that it just wasn’t the same which she said may just be because of the time apart. She did say she hopes it goes back to normal.

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I understand where you’re coming from however she is into me and that it just wasn’t the same which she said may just be because of the time apart. She did say she hopes it goes back to normal.

 

Someone who is really truly into you won't dump you because insert plausible sounding excuse here _________, but I think you'll learn this the hard way for yourself.

 

I'll just say it again - someone who is really into you will never risk losing you.

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The thing is she is into me but just doesn’t want a relationship when we can’t see each other at the moment however is hoping it returns to liking each other very much as she once did, when we are together 24/7. The time apart may have just caused it to be different and it will go back to normal when we are together all the time.

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She may not have the same emotional maturity as you or the same level of emotional investment.

 

This happens a lot and I'm sorry to hear this. I'd remain cautious and be kind to yourself. Keep your distance and process her words more carefully. Try and do more processing, less fighting or struggling against what she's saying. It's a good time to listen to the other person also. I think you are in shock.

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The thing is she is into me but just doesn’t want a relationship when we can’t see each other at the moment however is hoping it returns to liking each other very much as she once did, when we are together 24/7. The time apart may have just caused it to be different and it will go back to normal when we are together all the time.

 

But you'll be back in the same street in another month or so, no?

 

It doesn't make sense to break up now only to try to re-unite in 30-60 days. Any chance she's got her eye on someone local?

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That’s a better comment actually talking about it, your original comment was just stating the obvious and made it out like I wouldn't respect her decision.

I did ask and she said it was “Just different” and said again maybe it was due to the time apart.

This is my first relationship where we I have had a long time apart and I’m just trying to understand as people are different.

Sorry if I offended you in anyway

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That’s a better comment actually talking about it, your original comment was just stating the obvious and made it out like I wouldn't respect her decision.

I did ask and she said it was “Just different” and said again maybe it was due to the time apart.

This is my first relationship where we I have had a long time apart and I’m just trying to understand as people are different.

Sorry if I offended you in anyway

 

Thank you, apology accepted.

 

Her "just different" comment most likely means she's losing interest in hanging onto a relationship during these unprecedented times. Relationships can easily grow stale whenever there's too much upheaval such as prolonged absences and separation. It's difficult to recapture the same spark especially if you two no longer see each other often as pre-pandemic.

 

People are different and in some aspects the same when it comes to calling it quits whenever the relationship isn't optimal including during this pandemic, separation, too much absence, etc. The interest isn't there anymore because the relationship lost its momentum.

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The thing is she is into me but just doesn’t want a relationship when we can’t see each other at the moment however is hoping it returns to liking each other very much as she once did, when we are together 24/7. The time apart may have just caused it to be different and it will go back to normal when we are together all the time.

You're in a little denial here. Breakups can be very awkward and often times people try to let the other down as softly as possible to avoid drama. If she was into you, she would move the earth to make it work. You are only going to torture yourself thinking there's still a chance. And you'll likely end up being clingy and needy which will push her further away. The best thing for you to do is listen to her and give her space. And focus on yourself. If she comes around down the road and you still want to give it a chance, then you can deal with that then.

 

You're disregarding advice you don't want to hear. The sooner you can accept it the faster you can get over it.

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You're in a little denial here. Breakups can be very awkward and often times people try to let the other down as softly as possible to avoid drama. If she was into you, she would move the earth to make it work. You are only going to torture yourself thinking there's still a chance. And you'll likely end up being clingy and needy which will push her further away. The best thing for you to do is listen to her and give her space. And focus on yourself. If she comes around down the road and you still want to give it a chance, then you can deal with that then.

 

You're disregarding advice you don't want to hear. The sooner you can accept it the faster you can get over it.

 

I’m not ignoring the advice. I even said “I’m giving her space” but yeah you’re probably right about torturing myself by hanging on.

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Well if she's being serious that she only wants to break up during quarantine and she doesn't want this relationship unless you're physically together all the time, that is immature! If you're in a relationship you don't just dump them because there was a difficult situation. You have to wait for your partner and still be with them until you can be together in person. You don't just dump them and then get to call the shots and decide to get back together later. I'm sorry to say but I don't think she's actually that into you, and she's also not very mature. She probably said to be friends just to be nice or maybe to keep you on the hook in case she doesn't find any other guys she likes.

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