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Thread: Girlfriend wants to be friends for now

  1. #1

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    Girlfriend wants to be friends for now

    My girlfriend broke up with me, we met each other at college and got on really well and I asked her to be my girlfriend. Everything was amazing both happy etc. Then coronavirus happened and we were unable to see each other for around 5 months we still held video calls and things. After she visited me, she messaged me a few days after the visit and said it wasnít the same and that she still liked me and see how things go when we go back to college in about a month or two (we are living in the same block) as it may have been to the time apart. I felt as though things were normal. Is she judging the relationship on the 5 days she came to see me and not the whole relationship? Just looking for thoughts and advice. I am giving her space and then going to see how things go at college but not be too full on.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    It doesn't matter is she is judging on the 5 days or something else entirely. What does matter is that she is not that into you and not afraid to lose you.

    Also, when getting dumped, always take any offer of "let's stay friends or let's see how things are down the road" with a huge grain of salt. Usually people don't actually mean that, they are just trying to let you down softly.

    Bottom line, don't agree to sit on the back burner as her backup option with some vague idea that maybe she'll want you again down the road. You are worth more than that and you need to find a girl to whom you are the #1 option and the only option. Someone she'd never risk losing to a break or a break up.

    I'd lose her number in your shoes and look elsewhere for a gf.

  3. #3
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    I don't know what to say buddy. Years ago at grad school, I met a really nice girl. Went on several dates, but when we graduated she went back to her own country. For the first year, we kept up a LDR but it fizzled out. We're still friends. When she's in my hometown, she comes to see me.

    I ended up getting married to a different woman in the end, so I suppose things worked out.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. You're doing the right thing giving her space. All you can do is see how things go once you're back on campus.
    Originally Posted by user6785
    she still liked me and see how things go when we go back to college in about a month or two

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  6. #5

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    I understand where youíre coming from however she is into me and that it just wasnít the same which she said may just be because of the time apart. She did say she hopes it goes back to normal.

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    Originally Posted by DancingFool
    It doesn't matter is she is judging on the 5 days or something else entirely. What does matter is that she is not that into you and not afraid to lose you.

    Also, when getting dumped, always take any offer of "let's stay friends or let's see how things are down the road" with a huge grain of salt. Usually people don't actually mean that, they are just trying to let you down softly.
    Bottom line, don't agree to sit on the back burner as her backup option with some vague idea that maybe she'll want you again down the road. You are worth more than that and you need to find a girl to whom you are the #1 option and the only option. Someone she'd never risk losing to a break or a break up.

    I'd lose her number in your shoes and look elsewhere for a gf.
    I understand where youíre coming from however she is into me and that it just wasnít the same which she said may just be because of the time apart. She did say she hopes it goes back to normal.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by user6785
    I understand where youíre coming from however she is into me and that it just wasnít the same which she said may just be because of the time apart. She did say she hopes it goes back to normal.
    Someone who is really truly into you won't dump you because insert plausible sounding excuse here _________, but I think you'll learn this the hard way for yourself.

    I'll just say it again - someone who is really into you will never risk losing you.

  9. #8

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    The thing is she is into me but just doesnít want a relationship when we canít see each other at the moment however is hoping it returns to liking each other very much as she once did, when we are together 24/7. The time apart may have just caused it to be different and it will go back to normal when we are together all the time.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She may not have the same emotional maturity as you or the same level of emotional investment.

    This happens a lot and I'm sorry to hear this. I'd remain cautious and be kind to yourself. Keep your distance and process her words more carefully. Try and do more processing, less fighting or struggling against what she's saying. It's a good time to listen to the other person also. I think you are in shock.

  11. #10
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    Originally Posted by user6785
    The thing is she is into me but just doesnít want a relationship when we canít see each other at the moment however is hoping it returns to liking each other very much as she once did, when we are together 24/7. The time apart may have just caused it to be different and it will go back to normal when we are together all the time.
    But you'll be back in the same street in another month or so, no?

    It doesn't make sense to break up now only to try to re-unite in 30-60 days. Any chance she's got her eye on someone local?

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