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Thread: Long distance. Hard decision.

  1. #1

    Long distance. Hard decision.

    Hello, my bf and I have been together for 2 years now. The first year we both lived in the same state, and together briefly. The first half of our relationship was rocky, probably we rushed into it. So we didn't /still don't have a solid foundation. He moved back in with his parents 8 hours away, we had a long-distance relationship for a few months until things started to go south and I ended up going there and moving in with his parents hoping it'd be easier. For a while it was okay, but he began to keep to himself more and didn't really appreciate my company as much. We started having a lot of communication issues among other things which took a toll on my already bad mental health. I decided to go back down to stay with my mom again and he stayed there. Things started to get rocky with distance, but I really needed this time for myself. Now im in a dilemma, i'll be looking for internships soon for school, so I have to choose whether I wanna stay here or potentially move back with him before i make this long term decision, the only problem is which i didnt mention before is ill have to be at his parent's house, and they are very family orientated slightly stuff ppl, i appreciate them but I really like being secluded and doing my own thing plus i don't feel comfortable living with my bf again yet.. he also won't be able to come back down while he takes the steps to do his CDL.. i just feel conflicted bc i wanna stay here but he just seems so sad about me not being there. i like being around him but sometimes I even need a break from him. i just dont wanna be selfish in this situation..

    I really rambled,but any advice would be great thx

  2. #2
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Wilds of Texas
    It's been 2 years - has it ever been anything but rocky?

    Ultimately, reason you are living with your parents right now is because you and him did not get along living together. So, maybe it's time for you to consider the option of breaking up and finding a bf who is more compatible with you and where things aren't rocky all the time.

    It sounds like you've spent two years trying to please him and make it work, but it just doesn't. He doesn't like you living with him but then complains that you are too far away - sorry but what that tells you is that you can't please him either way, no matter where you are and that you two aren't compatible partners and never were. Early on, you should be on cloud nine, not rocky already and after two years, living together should be mostly very smooth. When it isn't, it's your clue that you are in the wrong relationship.

    So to answer your question, absolutely do not move toward him again. Plan your life without him and if he ever joins you, great, but if not, let him go. Basically, when it comes to money, education, career - do not revolve your decisions around a bf, instead take the best career/education option you can get your hands on and run with it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Have to be honest here and just say it's really, really hard to read the above and come away thinking you even want to be in this relationship. Wobbly foundation, strains on mental health, geographic turbulence, and an inner itch to "need a break" from him? Doesn't sound very inspiring, to say nothing of the potential of moving in with his family. Could it be that the trajectory of your life, and his, no longer align?

    Hard to contemplate, I know, but perhaps less hard than trying to tie your future to something you're describing as an anchor that brings you down.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    Sorry to hear that. Unfortunately, it sounds strained and unhappy whether you are 2 ft. apart or 200 mi. apart.

    Make your decision based on your future, not a turbulent past.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    I'd be practical if I were you. Your bf and you have too many problems. After 2 years, if it's still rocky, it's not working.

    Concentrate on your internship and don't move back with him.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    A lot of good advice . I agree with the others. Move on.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    I'm sorry OP, but I can't see this relationship working out.

    You and he don't get along well and there's too much uncertainty and instability. I don't see a viable reason to hang on. I would respectfully part ways and take whichever path is best for your future. There's a better match out there somewhere for you.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016

    “The first year we both lived in the same state, and together briefly. The first half of our relationship was rocky”

    Please clarify what this even means?
    Were you in a relationship that first year or not?

    I mean you say the first year you lived in same state but then say only briefly together in that time?
    That does not make any sense at all.

    How long did you live at his parents and why?
    If you are going to commit to someone you don’t move into their parents home?
    Sounds like he just moved back home and you followed. Step backward? Why would you move to another city to live in some boys childhood room?

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    It sounds to me like you answered your own question. You want to be on your own, focusing on your studies.

    Why do you have to move to him? Why would you want to live with his parents? Why would you subject yourself to a situation you know you weren't happy with?
    For him? Why? Because he's sad?

    Come on. That's not only putting his needs above yours, that's making yourself miserable for what exactly?

    What is he doing and bringing to the relationship?

  11. #10
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Sorry about your dilemma, it seems you have a lot on your plate. With your so called "rocky" relationship, I think everyone is better off if you just concentrate on your internships on your own. This is where your focus should be.
    A different boyfriend can be part of your life along side of the internship or afterwards.


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