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Thread: Slowing down

  1. #21
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    However next week she is meeting up with a guy she briefly dated (literally dated for 3 weeks) so that her kids and his can play together. I have no issue with that as this was arranged before we got together. However she has said because he lives 2 hours away and they are out for the whole day, he may stay over.
    errrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgghh. <---- that is the sound of screeching brakes. Not one part of that arrangement sounds good! Sorry, but it sounds like you are being used as a back up while she makes up her mind and gets her stuff together. Tread carefully as this could lead to heartbreak for you and confusion for her kids.

  2. #22
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    Hello all,
    Many thanks for this.
    I have certainly told her I am not happy with the staying over side of things.

    We spoke today and I am a little clearer. Basically pre lockdown they wanted to organise something for the kids to do. It wasn't possible due to the lockdown.
    My partner has 2 kids with autism and the son of this guy also has learning difficulties so they wanted to do some activities with them.
    It's not a play date at home as such. They are meeting at an activity park/farm which is a drive away and spending the day there. She did mention this when we first got together. It wasn't until today that I remembered it was a day out and not going to someone's house.
    When pressed about the staying over she said, "it's probably not even going to happen it was simply an option as it would be a long day. His son wouldn't even settle here so he more than likely won't stay."

    I explained how it all looked to me and she apologised saying how she hadn't looked at it that way she simply saw it as 2 parents entertaining their kids.

    I told her if I had an ex stay over she wouldn't appreciate it, to which she agreed and again understood the angle I was coming from.

    She has today continued to talk about how she's looking forward to us doing more things throughout the summer and has said that the ME she suffers from occasionally causes her to want to put the brakes on life as there is too much going on. With that in mind she said she certainly does want a relationship with me, she just needs to focus on her kids and their development as well as restarting her career whilst including me.

  3. #23
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    She has today continued to talk about how she's looking forward to us doing more things throughout the summer and has said that the ME she suffers from occasionally causes her to want to put the brakes on life as there is too much going on. With that in mind she said she certainly does want a relationship with me, she just needs to focus on her kids and their development as well as restarting her career whilst including me.
    Even if this play date is vanilla and platonic, continue to invest slowly and carefully into the relationship. It appears that the foundation isn't all that strong at the moment.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Ok, all you can do is lay back and be observant, right?

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  6. #25
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Maybe reading up on Myalgic encephalomyelitis (ME) if that's what she's referring to might help also. People can have all kinds of issues but if they're not making the right choices to manage them, that should be a red flag to you.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by Rb1980
    I explained how it all looked to me and she apologised saying how she hadn't looked at it that way she simply saw it as 2 parents entertaining their kids
    Do you buy that?

    I'm sorry, but I have to say that I don't. She's not that naive, surely.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I agree, she relates to this other man more and there most definitely could be an interest there. They are far more on the same wavelength than you and she are.

    By the sounds of it, OP....you are only an option to her right now. She is finding more reasons as to why you're not the one and she's keeping her eyes open for someone more suitable.

    When a situation gets to be where you're chasing and you're the one making efforts to get in contact or make dates or stay in each others lives, then it's time to leave it as it's very one sided.

    It sounds like she might have liked you and seen a good possibility at one time, but now she is making all kinds of excuses as to why you're not at the top of the list anymore.

    Stop contacting her and see how long it takes before she contacts you and makes efforts to see you. Literally, stop texting. If she feels you're worth it, she will not only come looking for you but will find ways to make sure you stay in her life. If communication gets worse and you hear from her less and less, than you know that it's time to leave.

    People can make all the excuses in the world, but if they want you and want you to stay close in their life, they will make you a apart of things and keep you close. It is a choice.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I agree with SherrySher.

    Also her sig is very good: "Ignoring red flags because you want to see the good in people, will cost you later."

  10. #29
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Looking back at you earlier posts, are you sure you are ready to date?

    In Feb/Mar you wrote of a break up with someone you thought you'd spend the rest if your life with.

    Do you think you might have transferred some feelings from that to this?

    Almost like you can't let this relationship end?

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