Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 41

Thread: Pre-date phone call - Advice please

  1. #1
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    230

    Pre-date phone call - Advice please

    Hi,

    Iím one of those that really dislikes pre-date phone calls. Iíve done only one and it turned out to save time eliminating him but half of me wondered if the phone call itself was part of the issue. He sounded odd, the conversation wasnít stellar and I had no interest in a meet up.

    Now this guy and I from a dating site have traded a handful of messages and then he suggested a phone call, if I was comfortable with that.

    I said sure but I was also more than okay with simply meeting in person for a coffee but was fine with a phone call if he preferred that.

    Turns out he does prefer that, ah crap!

    I am interested enough in him to compromise (not true of the guy who wanted a video call as a first meet).

    I find phone calls often feel forced when in this situation, I never feel the best version of myself and donít feel like I cannot read situations as well as with face to face. In addition because I donít see the point in these, so Iím not sure what Iím supposed to be asking him and how to help it not be boring.

    I was wondering if people had tips for me, to make it more comfortable and good questions to ask, also any suggestions for setting perimeters to keep it a brief preview not a long winded talking session. 😅

    Thanks!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    2,097
    Why did you agree to a phone call then?

    Are you so far interested in this guy?
    Is covid preventing you from meeting?

    Why are you so adverse to a phone call? And why are you asking advice on what to ask him? Do you treat all your online dates like an interview? Thatís what makes it boring. And sounds like even meeting for a coffee would be boring if thatís your attitude?

    Whatís your main concern here? Him liking you or you liking him?

    If you really believe your best option is to meet in person , ask yourself why?
    Do you rely on your appearance to attract guys?
    And really if you rely on that , then are you not attracting superficial guys?

    Ask yourself why you are not able to engage in chit chat over the phone. ?

    Do you rely on superficial compliments to feel relaxed to chat to another?

    I personally donít see the point in chatting on phone before meeting , but thatís because Iím not only attracted to chat but the mannerisms of a person.

    Figure out why you donít want to chat before a date. Tell him why.
    He might not want to meet you without that chat but thatís fine. No meet. Nothing lost.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,078
    Gender
    Male
    What's the big deal? Make it a brief light chat(not an interview) and simply discuss where and when to meet just as you would over text.

  4. #4
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2017
    Posts
    230
    Billie:

    Why did you agree to a phone call then? óas I said in the OP Iím interested enough in HIM to Compromise here. Which isnít always the case.

    70% of communication is non verbal, I feel like a phone date is setting oneself up to be flying blind at least a little bit. This would be the mannerisms you mentioned , Iíd add expressions to this as well.

    Iím not a fan of these calls for reasons stated in the OP. I avoid pre-date screenings in the form of phone calls, generally because they make me feel uncomfortable. Unlike a coffee date (which gives a little nerves) phone calls with stranger feel stilted and I donít enjoy the experience of feeling pre-assessedó which is the only reason (I can see) for a call ahead.

    I asked for advice to get a sense of good questions for thisó are there questions I am supposed to be asking? I donít want it to be an aimless subpar version of a coffee date.

    Iím most nervous about him or I not getting an accurate idea of the other due to the format (I find calls uncomfortable outside of work, very close friends and business transactions) ó I think they call this a false negative in science.

    I donít want a false negative.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    51,992
    I wouldn't meet anyone in person without a phone call. I learned so much!! Do 20% of the talking -and his role is to keep up at least half of the conversation. Ask appropriate questions -not too intrusive and you will learn a lot just from his tone of voice, whether he asks you questions and what they are.

    I used to ask questions that came up organically -could be about travel, books, music, movies, where we were from, our families. Ask about how he's doing during this pandemic, ask about his work, if he likes it, why he chose it, etc.

    I had hundreds of these calls. And on a good percentage of them it made me realize I shouldn't meet the person. Saved me tons of wasted time.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,078
    Gender
    Male
    It's not a "phone date". It's a brief call to set up the first meeting.

  8. #7
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2015
    Posts
    670
    Gender
    Male
    Sounds like you want to make a good first impression and over the phone isn't really your forte even though you agreed to it.

    He suggested it though, so just let him lead the conversation and don't get to hung up on your responses.
    I hear you though...sometimes phone conversations get dry, forced and awkward, so you can aim to keep it brief and light, maybe mention something funny that happened to you today.
    Then get right to the details of the date time, location etc.

    Good luck..don't stress.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    56
    Posts
    8,057
    Gender
    Male
    For me the phone call is required before I will ask a woman to meet. If you cannot carry on a 10 minute conversation with me then I probably will not enjoy an in person conversation with you and not ask to meet.

    Granted I have had not so stellar conversations with women and still met them. Non of them worked out but I am a big believer in second chances and getting to know someone before making a decision.

    I am not sure what you asking when you ask what good questions to ask. What would you ask in person? Keep it simple and short-ish so you don't burn through all the first meet material.

    If you are shallow and are not interested in peoples lives in general you will have a hard time either way. BUT if you are genuine and care about others and show real interest in their lives it should be relativity easy once you get started.

    He calls and you answer. Hi ________, how is your day going so far? Good and yours? and off you go....

    Have you lived here all your life?
    Do you have family here?


    The phone call is no different than in person except you cannot see him.

    Lost

  10. #9
    Gold Member Spawn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Heaven
    Posts
    795
    Gender
    Male
    how about we catch up for a coffee at <add your place> & <add your time>?
    call please , fix the date and get out.
    I dont know how wearing masks and generally without seeing the whole face works out these days...sorry will feel weird though i agree.

    Video call makes sense if you want to keep things safe.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,078
    Gender
    Male
    Agree. If someone can not engage in brief 10 min call to set up a meet they could be hiding something, such as living with someone, a thick raspy older or smoker voice, catfishing or simply to shy/strange to date. The meet is the in person determination, so a 10 min call to set that up seems easy.
    Originally Posted by lostandhurt
    For me the phone call is required before I will ask a woman to meet. If you cannot carry on a 10 minute conversation with me then I probably will not enjoy an in person conversation with you and not ask to meet.

Page 1 of 5 1234 ... LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •