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Thread: Am I being strung along.. or does he actually care?

  1. #1

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    Am I being strung along.. or does he actually care?

    Hi all. Thanks for the advice on my other post. I was really going to just cut contact and move on. But, my ex has been going kinda crazy. And I caved and got pulled back into this. So now, Iím wondering if Iím being strung along or not. I really want to cut off contact, but if thereís a chance things will be okay, or we can at least reconcile and move on happily instead of angrily, then I want to wait. Sorry itís a long post again.

    Anyways. Ever since day 1 of the breakup 2 weeks ago, he texted me 3 hours later saying he doesnít know if heís making a mistake or not and feels heartbroken and that heíll keep in touch and wanted to see me again when we exchange stuff. I ignored. He called me and texted 4 more times within that weekend, I ignored. Until finally I responded just to let him know Iím not ghosting him and that I will bring back his stuff, I just need space and time to heal. And he said okay more time, we can do that. Then he texts me again 2 days later saying heís trying to fall asleep but canít stop thinking about me and hopes I have a great week. I replied the next day saying he really broke my heart and that he canít keep texting me like this because I donít trust him and feel like so much of our relationship was a lie. (Part of his reasoning for ending things was bc he was falling out of love. Which I had no clue and I wish he had just talked to me first before calling it quits.) He responded saying our love was real and he doesnít want to take those feelings away, but that he understands and heíll stop texting me.

    Then we finally didnt speak for 5ish days. Until he drunk called me both weekend nights. The second night I answered because it was realllyyyy late and woke me up worried. He legit was at a party and stepped away to call me and ask about my day. I tried to end the convo and he got sad & says ďyouíre right Iím sorry, Iím just getting emotional now so Iíll go, I love you byeĒ then called me again at 5 AM And I texted saying whatís up (worried me again cuz it was so late) And he says ďI miss youĒ ďI wanna see youĒ and ďall my feelings are ruined without you even tryingĒ lol donít know what that last one meant but I told him we could talk when heís sober. So the next day I texted asking if he meant what he said. He said he did but that heís really sorry for calling me drunk and waking me up. Then later I tried to call him so we could talk, and texted him but he ignored. Then 3 days later of no contact he sends me a VERY long text basically admitting that he Let his implulsive feelings throw away what we had, that heís sad thinking about all the memories we had and we Probly wonít have anymore, that he misses me and lost his partner and it hurts. That he wants to see me sooner rather than later. So I responded nicely saying it really didnít have to be this way and letís meet up and talk eventually after giving more space, so we can have clearer minds. And he says ďwe can definitely talk whenever your readyĒ then the next day texts me saying ďhave a good weekend 💞Ē then texted me at 3am (Iím guessing drunk) saying ďwhatre you doing rn?Ē And then saying ďI miss you.Ē I didnít respond so then he messaged me around noon sayin ďIím so sorry I didnít mean to text you last night.Ē So, then, I tried to call him cuz Iím tired of this and wanted to know if he wanted to talk. and no answer.

    Then, last night I go to my friends party. Posted a snap of flip cup and u can see a guys legs in it. I got a lil drunk and felt sad without my ex by my side. So I texted him just saying why wonít he call me back after saying all those things to me. and then he replies hours later saying ďidk why youíre texting me when youíre hanging out w other dudesĒ wow... so then I wasnít gunna answer that. Howís that fair? Clearly the thought of me with someone else bothers him though. But this morning he texts again saying ďso whatís up?Ē I asked to call him he says ďno weíll talk tomorrowĒ then he says ďbut I wanna text you todayĒ and I say ďabout what? I just think a phone call is better and I donít want to fightĒ and he says ďI just want to text you normallyĒ so I say, can we talk on the phone normally for a bit? I donít think texting all day normally will help us. And then.... nooo answer lol. But at this point today Iím feeling so sad about all this because he was so nice and kept reaching out the first week and a half and now all of a sudden this weekend heís turned cold after sending me that long heartfelt text. So I called him and left a voicemail, and no answer.

    Heís been watching all my IG stories and snap stories and he keeps liking my new posts and still hasnít removed the pic of us off his page. So part of me feels like he really doesnít want to let go yet but is maybe confused? He also told me he needed time and space and wasnít feeling like himself, when we broke up. But to me itís not fair and it really hurts. And heís the one who keeps reaching out, so it doesnít seem like heís giving himself time. He kept saying we can talk whenever Iím ready, but when I reach out to him he ignores or says weíll talk another time. If heís just keeping me as a side option I really need to walk away. But it makes me sad because we both played an insanely large part in eachothers lives and Iím shocked heís treating me this way. And Iíve been way too nice now, I keep answering him. I only reached out first two times, after he was ignoring me tho. The first week I was much more firm but now I caved a lot. I really wanted us to meet up and talk but now itís like we went backwards with our progress. I deleted his number today so that way I wonít reach out first.

    Just adding in here: his mom reached out to tell me heís just been sad/quiet in his room a lot and wonít talk to her. If heís so sad and emotional and canít stop telling me he misses me, idk why heís being cold now? He broke up with me yet is weirdly acting like the victim.

    So yeah, idk :( I really donít want to believe heís being that much of a liar/stringing me along. Because what kind of heartless person would send super long heartfelt texts like that??? He was basically admitting he regrets breaking up. Iím not sure what happened within the past 5 days to change his mind.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    "He kept saying we can talk whenever Iím ready, but when I reach out to him he ignores or says weíll talk another time."

    This tells you all you need to know.

    And I know, you'll ask "but why does he keep texting me?" And the answer is, because you let him. He gets to have emotional support and attention from you without him having to give you a thing except crumb texts. So win-win for him, not so much for you.

    Do you want to continue in this nonsense texting limbo? If not, stick to your guns and when you say you need time and space, make sure you mean it this time.

  3. #3
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    I'll take a guess and say this looks more about winning the race, rather than winning you back. Having said that, if he truly wanted to get back together, do you think he'd risk losing you by playing games?

    On another note I'd be careful about throwing out the bait, as it usually backfires more often than not. I'd move forward.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    "He kept saying we can talk whenever Iím ready, but when I reach out to him he ignores or says weíll talk another time."

    This tells you all you need to know.

    And I know, you'll ask "but why does he keep texting me?" And the answer is, because you let him. He gets to have emotional support and attention from you without him having to give you a thing except crumb texts. So win-win for him, not so much for you.

    Do you want to continue in this nonsense texting limbo? If not, stick to your guns and when you say you need time and space, make sure you mean it this time.
    Bolt is spot on here. This situation is nonsense.

    I guess the emotional drama is exciting and giving you something to do during a pandemic.

    Speaking of pandemics...being at parties is not a good idea. just saying

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  6. #5

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    :)))))))))
    Last edited by ritz455; 08-03-2020 at 01:39 AM.

  7. #6
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    I have to wonder if he found himself interested in someone else, and wants to explore it, but is keeping you just barely warm in case that doesn't work out.

    Whatever the case, a guy who really wants you back in his life isn't going to yank you around the way this one is doing. He isn't serious about reconciling; he's just looking for attention when it suits him, and you're on your way to more heartbreak here. It's going to hurt a lot if you continue to engage with him only to find out someday in the not-so-distant future that he's met another girl. He is immature and you need to stop letting him toy with you.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Unfortunately his on/off behavior indicates that he wants to reduce this to FWB or drunken hookups on his terms. You need to go no contact because you are hoping to reconcile and he is just jerking you around.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    Does he care? No, because he doesn't mind that he's hurting you by keeping you on his fishing line, but no, he doesn't plan on reeling you in for the catch. He gets an ego boost that you choose to wriggle on the line, entertaining him.

    He "fell" out of love. If you two got back together, when the newness wore off, he'd fail to put in the effort to remain in love, just like he let himself do before.

    He doesn't sound like any prize to me, and when you get some time and distance away, you'll probably shake your head at why you wanted him back. Hurry up and exchange your goods and then block and delete. You're worthy of a treasure, not fool's gold.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    When they don't contact you it's because they don't want to. He has no interest in your wants and needs. So block/delete and move on.

  11. #10
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    You're being kept warm on the backburner while we is free to pursue others. I'd block him for now. He's just keeping you on the hook.

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