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Thread: So I believe my old best friend used to be attracted to me?

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    Member katyfran45's Avatar
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    So I believe my old best friend used to be attracted to me?

    Hello, so I have been recently thinking about an old friend of mine that I knew for several years. A couple of years ago, She came out to me as a lesbian. However, as the years have gone on, I have noticed some things that might mean she was into me at one point. Such as, sometimes she would playfully ruffle my hair, put her head on my shoulder when standing in the starbucks lines or even wanting to stay over at my place every weekend. Now, she never attempted to make a move on me because she knows that I am straight. She has even told me that "I am not her type". She can also be a little critical of me sometimes but I think that was just to hide her true feelings for me. Does this sound like someone who might be secretly into me? I'm not going to reach out and ask her because she will just deny it. But I am thinking she really was secretly into me. We have had a couple of friends that even jokingly "shipped" us together and have had people ask us if we were a "couple". So, I don't know what this all means or if im just thinking wrong. What could it all mean?
    thanks!

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    Since you're straight and not available to date her why do you care?

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    Hey Katy.

    As a gay woman myself, I can only offer advice of my own experiences and can honestly say that the only person who knows her feelings towards you, is her.

    In saying that, the line between feelings of friendship and romantic feelings can be blurry at times. I think you have to look at her personality as a whole before looking at certain actions to pick out if they meant more than just friendly behaviours.
    How does she behave with other friends? Maybe she is just an affectionate person?

    Nothing she has done here jumps out as overly flirtatious. Try to think about how a straight female friend behaves around you, because sexuality doesn't affect how we interact as friends.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    She may be attracted to you, but she knows you're straight so it's not going anywhere.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    You speak of her in the past tense, so what difference does it make today?

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    Originally Posted by catfeeder
    You speak of her in the past tense, so what difference does it make today?
    That struck me too.

    She may have been somewhat attracted to you, but there's not really enough information here to make a solid guess. Sometimes friends, especially female friends, are very close and affectionate without having any romantic feelings.

    If you are not interested in her, I am curious to hear what's got you wondering about this?

  8. #7
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    Originally Posted by AceAlice
    Hey Katy.

    As a gay woman myself, I can only offer advice of my own experiences and can honestly say that the only person who knows her feelings towards you, is her.

    In saying that, the line between feelings of friendship and romantic feelings can be blurry at times. I think you have to look at her personality as a whole before looking at certain actions to pick out if they meant more than just friendly behaviours.
    How does she behave with other friends? Maybe she is just an affectionate person?

    Nothing she has done here jumps out as overly flirtatious. Try to think about how a straight female friend behaves around you, because sexuality doesn't affect how we interact as friends.
    I don't think this has anything to do with sexual orientation. I think it's self-absorbed or worse to dwell on whether another person had romantic feelings towards you when you don't feel the same - and even worse if you ask the person because it's obviously putting that person in an awkward position for no reason.

    When my husband and I reconnected before marriage -after being apart for years -I honestly couldn't tell what his intentions were towards me after two nights of hanging out platonically. But I wanted to know because I was very interested in him and a potential relationship. The third time we hung out he brought it up. We got back together that night. If I'd had no romantic interest in him I would never have put him in the position of telling me he did only to hear me say "oh I was just curious" or worse so I'd be "flattered".

    Sometimes these situations are unique to people who are not heterosexual. I don't think this one is at all.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this the same friend?

    [Register to see the link]

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    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    It's a possibility.....we've had plenty of threads posted by a girl having a crush on her female friend, and didn't know how to handle it. It's up to you to ask her about it. We can only guess.

  11. #10
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Since you're straight and not available to date her why do you care?
    ^
    I second this reply.

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