Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123
Results 21 to 24 of 24

Thread: Nothing in common with GF of three years

  1. #21
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,779
    Gender
    Male
    This is really only as complicated as you want to make it. My sense is that you're kind of choosing to make it complicated to avoid what is so very simple, if also so very sad.

    It's like when someone on a dietóa diet prompted, for the sake of this argument, more out of insecurity than a genuine desire for healthógoes to the steakhouse and just orders the side salad, even when the ribeye and/or the porterhouse and/or the ribs really sounded delicious. They spend the meal trying to focus on the "good things," like their cholesterol or calorie counts, their goal of looking good on the beach come summer, whatever. But they don't leave feeling quite full, satisfied, and struggled to enjoy the company because they were stuck in their head.

    No biggie, though! It's one night, one dinner, not their last supper. But, per the insecurity stuff, let's say it was the only thing they ate for the rest of their lives. Well, that's what actual starvation looks like, to the point where even the "good things" become conceptual, even evidence of something unhealthy rather than healthy. They looked great that first summer on the beach, no doubt, but the next? Skin and bones! And the one after that? Ooof...

    You, by the sounds of it, are starving after three years of eating salads. Happens. Have been in versions of your shoes, relationships that were too heavy on the greens, relationships that were too, ahem, all about the meat. Alas, needed those experiences to better understand my own tastes and appetite, to cultivate a genuinely healthy diet so I didn't have to spend time stuck in my head wondering about food all the time. Not failures, in short, but steps along the path of better understanding myself, and connecting with myself, so I could forge better, more sustainable (and more sparkly!) connections with others.

    So, yeah, have a talk with her. But before that? Have a sit down with yourself, an honest one, about what you need to feel full and nourished in the present, and about the degree to which your own insecurities (about falling behind in the non-existent competition of life, about ending up crushed by heartache) may have gotten you to this place as much, if not more, than her lack of interest Rothko or bouldering or whatever. You can only be as vulnerable with another, after all, as you're willing to get with yourself.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2008
    Location
    California
    Age
    56
    Posts
    8,053
    Gender
    Male
    I agree ^^^

    AND I am picking up a Rib Eye to grill for dinner!

    Trying to talk yourself into or out of a relationship is a very bad sign. Like I said before I would bet she is thinking things aren't right either.

    There is probably someone perfect for her out there and the same for you but until you talk to her and figure out how you both feel about all this you will be stuck.

    If you are mid to late twenties then you are mature enough to know this is not working but you don't want to what is needed. Time to man up and have the talk.

    Lost

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,038
    Gender
    Male
    It sounds like you've given the relationship a very sincere try and have reflected a lot on what to do to reconcile the emptiness with the otherwise decent stuff, yet not hurt anyone in the process.
    Originally Posted by Momoba
    Just want to say Iím really touched by the kindness on display in this forum. Really appreciate all your advice. Thank you all. Yes, Iíll try to have a talk with her to discuss these things soon.

  4. #24
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    2,156
    Gender
    Female
    Well I think they have the saying "marry your best friend" for a reason. My parents have been married for 38 years. They got married at 20. Obviously after so long, the youth has worn off, so-called butterflies has worn off. What's kept them going is the friendship. I think that friendship with your partner is very important. I think you're finding the sex is waning because it's not actually as important in a relationship as the relationship itself. It's still a big part of it, but without the friendship sex just falls away eventually.

    From everything you said to be honest it doesn't sound like you're compatible for long-term. If you're looking to settle down/marriage, I think you need someone that you easily can call a best friend and can tell her anything. That in twenty years you could still see yourself with this person. For that I think you do need to have at least some common interests and you need to have good conversations too. And personally I don't like it either if my partner never sees friends, has no hobbies or interests, and never leaves the house. I'm super outgoing and I don't expect my partner to be identical. But it's not attractive to me if they don't have a life of their own and they just sit at home all the time. Honestly I also would find that stifling. That's just me though. Some people may not mind it.

    End of the day I think you know what you want in a partner and you should listen to your gut feelings. If the main thing you like about this woman is she's really nice - so are lots of other women. Majority of people are actually nice. That doesn't always make them "the one".

  5.  

Page 3 of 3 FirstFirst 123

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •