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Thread: Getting over guilt? Reconciled with Ex

  1. #1
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    Getting over guilt? Reconciled with Ex

    Hey everyone.
    So recently my ex and I got back together after a year and a half apart. We started talking about getting back together a little less than a year ago.
    When we broke up, I had a sort of rebound with a friend. I was confused and heartbroken, and unfortunately this guy got dragged into it. He really wanted something to happen for real out of this, he thought I had more feelings for him.
    I did tell him I was no where near ready for a relationship and that I still loved my ex. My ex had asked me a month or so after the breakup if I had been with anyone else, sexually in which I said yes I have, and I did say who it was.
    He was obviously angry. I didn't think we would ever get back together before he asked this, let alone after. Fast forward, I have had a lot of time to work on some things that lead to the breakup and so has he. I am still having horrible guilt
    over what happened with this other guy, and though my now bf says he has forgave me, its still bothering me. I no longer talk to this guy and haven't been around him in a long time. The issue is, My now bf thinks I only slept with this guy once but it was more than that I just didn't feel the need to share as we were broken up, and ofc there was some flirting, but he thinks it was a ons. I don't know if I should just get over it or if I should feel guilty. I always worry itll come up again
    or someone else will bring it up. Should I feel horrible or should I just move on and start new?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    From what you've written—and just generally speaking—I don't see anything worth feeling "horrible" about here. You were broken up, single, and you got into a little thing with someone that didn't work out. Happens. A lot. From where I sit, there isn't even anything for your boyfriend to "forgive" you about, and if were to come up in the future? I'd simply say that you've already discussed that chapter, and now want to be focused on this new one—the present one—together. A mature man who respects you will understand that.

    All that matters now is that the relationship you're in feels good, feels right, feels like exactly what you should be doing. Does it?

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    In my opinion you shouldn't feel guilty at all because your relationship with your ex/partner at that point was over. If it was a real break up and not just a break, you were free to do whatever you want. That's unfortunate your partner feels jealous about it but it is what it is. It could have been just as easily your partner that slept with someone else too.

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    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    blue did it again.

    Exactly what is your bf forgiving you for??? You were broken up and had sex with some guy a few times. Nothing to forgive unless it was his best friend or brother where that could cause a few issues at Thanksgiving.

    You discussed it and you were honest with him even though it really was none of his business. You have nothing to feel guilty about and if anything your bf should apologize for implying you did something wrong during the break up.

    Leave the past where it is and move on from this. You have nothing to feel guilty about so do not let it drag down your second chance.

    Lost

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    I just feel guilty because he thinks it only happened once but it was more of a fling than a one night stand.

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    I just feel guilty because he thinks it only happened once but it was more of a fling than a one night stand. I feel like a liar for not giving the whole truth when he asked.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Can I ask how old you guys are? Just curious for context, as I think this is some of the stuff younger people can get in the weeds about. Also curious: Is this something your boyfriend is in the habit of bringing up? Because, if so, that would be much more concerning to me than everything you're presently concerned about.

    You had a little thing. People do this. The "number of times" it happened is irrelevant. In fact, it's all irrelevant. Your life, your body. Past, not present. It is not a requirement inside a relationship that your partner knows every tawdry detail of your life, and it's certainly not a requirement that they know everything about your life when you were apart.

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    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lizafrog
    I just feel guilty because he thinks it only happened once but it was more of a fling than a one night stand. I feel like a liar for not giving the whole truth when he asked.
    OK, you really should not discuss these kinds of personal sexual details with your new/returning partner. It's none of his business and it can affect your relationships negatively. This isn't about being honest, this is about learning how to have appropriate filters. TMI is not good for anyone and your guilt is misplaced. Who you slept with and how many times should be completely off limits as far as conversations go.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Your bf has no right to ask no less be angry about it. If he broke up with you it's his fault for letting you go. Never discuss your sex life with someone who has no business knowing about it. Reconsider entering an on/off with this guy if he is still acting like a fool.
    Originally Posted by Lizafrog
    My ex had asked me a month or so after the breakup if I had been with anyone else, sexually in which I said yes I have, and I did say who it was.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lizafrog
    I just feel guilty because he thinks it only happened once but it was more of a fling than a one night stand. I feel like a liar for not giving the whole truth when he asked.
    It's none of hs business because you were broken up when you had sex with the other guy. You need to get over this.

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