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Thread: Getting over guilt? Reconciled with Ex

  1. #11
    Platinum Member lostandhurt's Avatar
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    So if you had sex with one guy ten times or 10 guys one time each what does it matter? You were totally single and there was no talk of reconciliation. As far as you knew you would never see your ex again.

    Stop beating yourself up over this and look forward not back. I doubt your ex came clean on everything he did while broken up which is non of your business either.

    Talking about past flings or relationships with your current s/o is a mistake every time.

    Lost

  2. #12
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    You were broken up, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

    Why did you break up?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lizafrog
    Hey everyone.
    So recently my ex and I got back together after a year and a half apart.
    I had to go back and reread the time line. He's angry? because you dated and slept with someone in the span of a year and half?

    This is clearly his ego running the show here. He has absolutely no claim on your personal life while apart. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and the fact that you told him a partial truth is just not worth the anxiety. You should have not had to tell him anything.
    Your feelings surrounding this are a choice. If he wants to try to get you to feel like a bad person for doing so, that's on him. Refuse to take part in it and let him sort his own feelings about this.
    Personally, I would take any further discussion about this off the table and move on.

  4. #14
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    He is 25 and I am 23. This is his first relationship also

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  6. #15
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    We broke up because of some religious things on his end, He was pretty controlling and we could never really spend time alone. I think I was craving the attention I was getting from my friend and that's why I gave in. I take some blame for this, I was also iritable due to missing him. Even knowing I had been intimate with someone after, he so far has been less controlling and we see eachother a bit more and Ive definitely learned some patience as he is a virgin, and his views on sex are different

  7. #16
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lizafrog
    We broke up because of some religious things on his end, He was pretty controlling and we could never really spend time alone. I think I was craving the attention I was getting from my friend and that's why I gave in. I take some blame for this, I was also iritable due to missing him. Even knowing I had been intimate with someone after, he so far has been less controlling and we see eachother a bit more and Ive definitely learned some patience as he is a virgin, and his views on sex are different
    Just so you know, his reaction for you having been with someone else is controlling. He views you as his property.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    People who care about you don't dump you then come crawling back for sex over a year later when they get dumped or get lonely/horny. He's manipulating you. Rethink dating him. Talk to a trusted adult about this. Never play true confessions. He is using this to hold over your head and play games.
    Originally Posted by Lizafrog
    He is 25 and I am 23. This is his first relationship also

  9. #18
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lizafrog
    We broke up because of some religious things on his end, He was pretty controlling and we could never really spend time alone. I think I was craving the attention I was getting from my friend and that's why I gave in. I take some blame for this, I was also iritable due to missing him. Even knowing I had been intimate with someone after, he so far has been less controlling and we see eachother a bit more and Ive definitely learned some patience as he is a virgin, and his views on sex are different
    Well...he is STILL controlling and treating you like an object, a thing. Chattel to be exact.

    At your age, probably best to explore other options and guys with a healthier mind toward women rather than engage in what is toxic just because you are feeling lonely and bored. Best be single and open for new experiences than tied up with a toxic guy. Controlling people don't change. Sure he might seem "less" controlling for now, but if you stick around he'll be himself soon enough and get more controlling again. People with controlling traits are best avoided.

  10. #19
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    I just worry these details will come out by someone else instead of me. This guy knows I am back with my ex and I no longer speak to him. I just worry that for whatever reason, the details will come out and he will be angry I didnt tell him everything, that it was more than i said etc. I know im being paranoid but I just feel like a liar.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lizafrog
    I just worry these details will come out by someone else instead of me. This guy knows I am back with my ex and I no longer speak to him. I just worry that for whatever reason, the details will come out and he will be angry I didnt tell him everything, that it was more than i said etc. I know im being paranoid but I just feel like a liar.
    I hate to say it, and I may be wrong, but from where I sit? All this paranoia says more about the iffy nature of your connection than anything else. I'm sorry, but the notion that some nuclear bomb would go off if he learned that your one night stand was actually six nights, or three, or twelve, or whatever, during a time in history when you were not together and owed him exactly zero fidelity? That tells me that, on some level, you know he measures you, and your connection, in terms of possession and control, not compassion.

    You literally have nothing to feel bad about. If being with him makes you feel bad for who you areŚwell, that's really something to reflect on, whether or not that feeling is triggered explicitly or implicitly.

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