Getting over guilt? Reconciled with Ex

Hey everyone.

So recently my ex and I got back together after a year and a half apart. We started talking about getting back together a little less than a year ago.

When we broke up, I had a sort of rebound with a friend. I was confused and heartbroken, and unfortunately this guy got dragged into it. He really wanted something to happen for real out of this, he thought I had more feelings for him.

I did tell him I was no where near ready for a relationship and that I still loved my ex. My ex had asked me a month or so after the breakup if I had been with anyone else, sexually in which I said yes I have, and I did say who it was.

He was obviously angry. I didn't think we would ever get back together before he asked this, let alone after. Fast forward, I have had a lot of time to work on some things that lead to the breakup and so has he. I am still having horrible guilt

over what happened with this other guy, and though my now bf says he has forgave me, its still bothering me. I no longer talk to this guy and haven't been around him in a long time. The issue is, My now bf thinks I only slept with this guy once but it was more than that I just didn't feel the need to share as we were broken up, and ofc there was some flirting, but he thinks it was a ons. I don't know if I should just get over it or if I should feel guilty. I always worry itll come up again

or someone else will bring it up. Should I feel horrible or should I just move on and start new?

From what you've written—and just generally speaking—I don't see anything worth feeling "horrible" about here. You were broken up, single, and you got into a little thing with someone that didn't work out. Happens. A lot. From where I sit, there isn't even anything for your boyfriend to "forgive" you about, and if were to come up in the future? I'd simply say that you've already discussed that chapter, and now want to be focused on this new one—the present one—together. A mature man who respects you will understand that.

All that matters now is that the relationship you're in feels good, feels right, feels like exactly what you should be doing. Does it?

In my opinion you shouldn't feel guilty at all because your relationship with your ex/partner at that point was over. If it was a real break up and not just a break, you were free to do whatever you want. That's unfortunate your partner feels jealous about it but it is what it is. It could have been just as easily your partner that slept with someone else too.

blue did it again.

Exactly what is your bf forgiving you for??? You were broken up and had sex with some guy a few times. Nothing to forgive unless it was his best friend or brother where that could cause a few issues at Thanksgiving.

You discussed it and you were honest with him even though it really was none of his business. You have nothing to feel guilty about and if anything your bf should apologize for implying you did something wrong during the break up.

Leave the past where it is and move on from this. You have nothing to feel guilty about so do not let it drag down your second chance.

Lost

I just feel guilty because he thinks it only happened once but it was more of a fling than a one night stand.

I just feel guilty because he thinks it only happened once but it was more of a fling than a one night stand. I feel like a liar for not giving the whole truth when he asked.

Can I ask how old you guys are? Just curious for context, as I think this is some of the stuff younger people can get in the weeds about. Also curious: Is this something your boyfriend is in the habit of bringing up? Because, if so, that would be much more concerning to me than everything you're presently concerned about.

You had a little thing. People do this. The "number of times" it happened is irrelevant. In fact, it's all irrelevant. Your life, your body. Past, not present. It is not a requirement inside a relationship that your partner knows every tawdry detail of your life, and it's certainly not a requirement that they know everything about your life when you were apart.

I just feel guilty because he thinks it only happened once but it was more of a fling than a one night stand. I feel like a liar for not giving the whole truth when he asked.

OK, you really should not discuss these kinds of personal sexual details with your new/returning partner. It's none of his business and it can affect your relationships negatively. This isn't about being honest, this is about learning how to have appropriate filters. TMI is not good for anyone and your guilt is misplaced. Who you slept with and how many times should be completely off limits as far as conversations go.

Your bf has no right to ask no less be angry about it. If he broke up with you it's his fault for letting you go. Never discuss your sex life with someone who has no business knowing about it. Reconsider entering an on/off with this guy if he is still acting like a fool.

My ex had asked me a month or so after the breakup if I had been with anyone else, sexually in which I said yes I have, and I did say who it was.

I just feel guilty because he thinks it only happened once but it was more of a fling than a one night stand. I feel like a liar for not giving the whole truth when he asked.

It's none of hs business because you were broken up when you had sex with the other guy. You need to get over this.

So if you had sex with one guy ten times or 10 guys one time each what does it matter? You were totally single and there was no talk of reconciliation. As far as you knew you would never see your ex again.

Stop beating yourself up over this and look forward not back. I doubt your ex came clean on everything he did while broken up which is non of your business either.

Talking about past flings or relationships with your current s/o is a mistake every time.

Lost

You were broken up, you have nothing to feel guilty about.

Why did you break up?

Hey everyone.

So recently my ex and I got back together after a year and a half apart.

I had to go back and reread the time line. He's angry? because you dated and slept with someone in the span of a year and half?

This is clearly his ego running the show here. He has absolutely no claim on your personal life while apart. You have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about and the fact that you told him a partial truth is just not worth the anxiety. You should have not had to tell him anything.

Your feelings surrounding this are a choice. If he wants to try to get you to feel like a bad person for doing so, that's on him. Refuse to take part in it and let him sort his own feelings about this.

Personally, I would take any further discussion about this off the table and move on.

He is 25 and I am 23. This is his first relationship also

We broke up because of some religious things on his end, He was pretty controlling and we could never really spend time alone. I think I was craving the attention I was getting from my friend and that's why I gave in. I take some blame for this, I was also iritable due to missing him. Even knowing I had been intimate with someone after, he so far has been less controlling and we see eachother a bit more and Ive definitely learned some patience as he is a virgin, and his views on sex are different

We broke up because of some religious things on his end, He was pretty controlling and we could never really spend time alone. I think I was craving the attention I was getting from my friend and that's why I gave in. I take some blame for this, I was also iritable due to missing him. Even knowing I had been intimate with someone after, he so far has been less controlling and we see eachother a bit more and Ive definitely learned some patience as he is a virgin, and his views on sex are different

Just so you know, his reaction for you having been with someone else is controlling. He views you as his property.

People who care about you don't dump you then come crawling back for sex over a year later when they get dumped or get lonely/horny. He's manipulating you. Rethink dating him. Talk to a trusted adult about this. Never play true confessions. He is using this to hold over your head and play games.

He is 25 and I am 23. This is his first relationship also

We broke up because of some religious things on his end, He was pretty controlling and we could never really spend time alone. I think I was craving the attention I was getting from my friend and that's why I gave in. I take some blame for this, I was also iritable due to missing him. Even knowing I had been intimate with someone after, he so far has been less controlling and we see eachother a bit more and Ive definitely learned some patience as he is a virgin, and his views on sex are different

Well...he is STILL controlling and treating you like an object, a thing. Chattel to be exact.

At your age, probably best to explore other options and guys with a healthier mind toward women rather than engage in what is toxic just because you are feeling lonely and bored. Best be single and open for new experiences than tied up with a toxic guy. Controlling people don't change. Sure he might seem "less" controlling for now, but if you stick around he'll be himself soon enough and get more controlling again. People with controlling traits are best avoided.

I just worry these details will come out by someone else instead of me. This guy knows I am back with my ex and I no longer speak to him. I just worry that for whatever reason, the details will come out and he will be angry I didnt tell him everything, that it was more than i said etc. I know im being paranoid but I just feel like a liar.

I just worry these details will come out by someone else instead of me. This guy knows I am back with my ex and I no longer speak to him. I just worry that for whatever reason, the details will come out and he will be angry I didnt tell him everything, that it was more than i said etc. I know im being paranoid but I just feel like a liar.

I hate to say it, and I may be wrong, but from where I sit? All this paranoia says more about the iffy nature of your connection than anything else. I'm sorry, but the notion that some nuclear bomb would go off if he learned that your one night stand was actually six nights, or three, or twelve, or whatever, during a time in history when you were not together and owed him exactly zero fidelity? That tells me that, on some level, you know he measures you, and your connection, in terms of possession and control, not compassion.

You literally have nothing to feel bad about. If being with him makes you feel bad for who you are—well, that's really something to reflect on, whether or not that feeling is triggered explicitly or implicitly.

I can see your point and there are more than a few people concerned you are dating the wrong guy for you.

He is young so I will give him a break on his reaction.

I think since this is bothering you so much you should just tell him. While you are at it I would remind him when he gets angry that he broke up with you and you hadn't seen each other and there was no talk of getting back together so he can either except you as you are or there is no chance for the relationship to continue.

I am afraid your differences will ultimately end this relationship anyways.

Lost

Hearing this from more than one person helped a lot. Thank you all for your answers :) I know I am biased but he is a good guy genuinely, he is protective but he hasn't been giving me a hard time about it since we got back together, Maybe thats why I am

because I feel like someone should be, and that I deserve it. I just feel scummy about the details but hopefully I can move past this as I suppose he knows enough.

That is our point, he actually knows to much.

Don't ask questions you can't handle the answer to.

Remember this is your life and your relationship too and he is only half of the equation. If you don't like something he has said or done then speak up and explain why you don't like it. Teach him how to treat you by your actions and words.

Best wishes

Lost

Remember this for the future. No one needs to know about your past partners & you dont need to know about theirs!

The people that quiz you & want to know specifics are the ones that will use it against you later!

Also, one on the great quotes from Ross from Friends "We were on a break"