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Thread: Dumpers, why would you ever agree to meet up with dumpee?

  1. #1
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    Dumpers, why would you ever agree to meet up with dumpee?

    Letís say you briefly dated someone in your past (think ~2 months, start to finish), things were going pretty great and the interest was mutual, but you ultimately decided to end things before a serious relationship was established. Let's say your reasons for ending things werenít super serious like major incompatibility, signs of toxic behavior, or anything like that. Instead, your reason was something like feeling relationship anxiety/insecurity at the time, not feeling ready to be in a relationship at that exact time, being too busy at the time to maintain a relationship, etc. So mostly right person/wrong time type issues. The breakup was 100% amicable but the dumpee requested you no longer contact them because they did not wish to remain friends at that time, and you have respected that.

    If this person texted you and asked you to meet up casually 6+ months down the line to "catch up" after having no communication at all during that whole time, would you agree to meet them? If so, what would be your reason for agreeing? Would it be out of sheer curiosity/boredom? Out of a desire to build a platonic friendship because they were a cool person and you liked them? To feel like a nice person by providing them with ďclosureĒ? Or would you only agree if you felt you were finally in a place where you saw some potential for pursuing something romantic with them again?

    Would you assume that they were reaching out in an attempt to be romantic again, or would you assume it was probably meant to be platonic?

    Obviously everyone is different, but Iím just curious what peopleís experiences have been. I personally think I would assume romantic intent, and I donít think Iíd agree to meet up with this person unless I felt open to pursuing something romantic with them again so as not to lead them on.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did you hear from him or are you thinking of contacting him?
    Originally Posted by joyce
    The breakup was 100% amicable but the dumpee requested you no longer contact them because they did not wish to remain friends at that time, and you have respected that.

    If this person texted you and asked you to meet up casually 6+ months down the line to "catch up" after having no communication at all during that whole time, would you agree to meet them?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Honestly, I wouldn't assume anything about the other person, save for taking them and their wish to "catch up" at face value. I'd ask myself if I felt like meeting upóif I felt it worth my time and energy, if I felt I was in the right headspaceóand then I'd either meet up, or not, depending on the answer I provided for myself.

    Is this a purely hypothetical question, or a personal question couched in a hypothetical?

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    Personally I will not agree to meet them. My ex broke up with me 8 months ago, I begged for 4 months then I went to NC for 3 months. Ive heard from friend that he went back to his ex- he left her to me then after he dumped me he got back to her right away. He reached out twice via mutual friend On Facebook to send me greetings when I were visiting a mutual friend at his old neighborhood. He unblocked me on FB to checked on me but I have set everything on friend and of course I also unfriended him. I ignored him! A week later he read the last email I sent to him before I went to NC and sent me a email to ask how have I been during corona situation. I has been 5 months during corona situation but he did not even care how I were doing before why would he care now. I ignored him again. I has been 2 days since he sent me an email. I donít want to contact him. I have been working on myself and seeing more clear about the picture about our relationship. He is not the right one for me. Despite I still think about him but I will not give him a chance to get back right the way!! I know he just reached out to taste the water or for ego stoke. An ex is an ex for a reason. I always remember that!!!

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  6. #5
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    WellÖ.I was hoping no one would ask for specifics lol.

    I am the ďdumpeeĒ in this situation. Like I said, the breakup was very quick and on good terms and we had a super fun and healthy relationship the entire time prior. However, at the time of the breakup I had politely requested that he not contact me again afterwards because I didnít want to be friends, and he promised to respect that. Now, 6 months later, Iím thinking back on this great thing we had going and now that some circumstances have changed in both of our lives Iím wondering if we could make it work. We already know the connection is there. Although I've dated since we broke up, Iím not seriously dating anyone at the moment, and as far as I can tell neither is he.

    So Iím thinking of reaching out and suggesting a casual meet up to see where he would stand on that. I have no problem with the idea of him not answering. I have no problem with the idea of him answering and declining. But I get nervous when I think about the uncertainty that will come if he says yes. I'm trying to figure out if I'm capable of setting a realistic expectation before I go for it.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Keep it casual, like a catch up for coffee. Less pressure. That way you can scope things out in case you want to start dating again. Try not to come out of the gate with asking about dating, lay back and gather info first.
    Originally Posted by joyce
    Iím thinking of reaching out and suggesting a casual meet up to see where he would stand on that.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    This is tough. you asked him not to contact you but as the dumpee, you should not reach out first.

    Its like saying to someone, "just checking to see if you still broke up with me".

    I really believe and follow the adage, you don't have to dump me twice.

    As a dumper, I don't have the same insecurities. I ended it. if I really wanted a person back, their request to not be friends would not stop me. I am not looking to be friends, so technically, the request doesn't matter.

    I'd really think about why are you willing to do this? Are you just lonely because you haven't met anyone else?

    He ended things with you. No matter how amicable it was, wrong time, right person it seemed to you, you only know what he told you.

    If it's the right person, there usually isn't a wrong time. You're a team working together through life.

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    Gold Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    It can't hurt to meet him for a brief lunch or something. Maybe the time away from him will make you see him in a less favorable light. Go for it if you're curious, but don't get your hopes up.

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    As a dumpee, I would never consider reaching out to someone who likely made a well thought out decision to no longer continue seeing me. Especially seeing your intention is to see if there is anything worth cultivating, 6 months later.
    Does this desire to reach out come from the fact that you asked him to not contact you? Do you think anything different would have come of it if you hadn't done that and left the door open?
    In my opinion, if he wanted to be with you that wouldn't have stopped him. If it was worth it to him he would have been on your door step asking for your forgiveness for having let you go. But instead he let 6 months pass and got on with his life.
    Last edited by reinventmyself; 08-03-2020 at 05:36 PM.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    So at the time he asked you out, he did have time to date you, yet 60 days later, was too busy? At the beginning, he felt mentally fine to ask you on some dates, and then during the new highs when excitement and enthusiasm for the new person is usually very high, he pulled the plug when the relationship would start developing into territory where you would be expecting to deepen the relationship.

    Sounds to me like those are excuses to spare your feelings. I've never once taken back an ex, because either I had thought long and hard about breaking up for good reason, or he'd dumped me, and so I'd expect past behavior would predict future behavior. Dumping usually becomes repetitive, on and off, and I'd rather risk my heart on someone new than to be a yo-yo.

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