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Thread: Dumpers, why would you ever agree to meet up with dumpee?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    No, I wouldn't ever agree to meet up with a dumpee. Why should I waste my time, energy and money on someone who dumped me?

  2. #12
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    No. Since it didn't work out the first time, chances are slim to none of it working the second time. Life is short, why take that gamble?

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Andrina
    So at the time he asked you out, he did have time to date you, yet 60 days later, was too busy? At the beginning, he felt mentally fine to ask you on some dates, and then during the new highs when excitement and enthusiasm for the new person is usually very high, he pulled the plug when the relationship would start developing into territory where you would be expecting to deepen the relationship.

    Sounds to me like those are excuses to spare your feelings. I've never once taken back an ex, because either I had thought long and hard about breaking up for good reason, or he'd dumped me, and so I'd expect past behavior would predict future behavior. Dumping usually becomes repetitive, on and off, and I'd rather risk my heart on someone new than to be a yo-yo.
    That's how I read it, too.

    I wouldn't bother reaching out, OP.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    The question is whether her ex would agree to meeting with her if she asked if you are the ex in this case.

    The answer is yes, I would meet up with you. What your reasons are behind that, I wouldn't assume just from the question alone and I wouldn't judge you for asking me to meet up with you. Life is far too short to hold these kinds of grudges and I wouldn't look into things too deeply.

    If you wanted to keep meeting up or staying in contact, I might think twice about your intentions or whether I'm misleading you if that's the case. Maybe a conversation to clear the air might help if needed then.

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  6. #15
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    To be brutally honest, I think you need to work on accepting that if he dumped you after 2 months, it was more of a he wasn't really that into you rather than any wrong timing excuses. A rather common more or less one sided attraction. He might have been attracted and had fun, just not enough to continue on.

    Anyway, to answer your question, would I agree to meet a dumpee. It depends. If things were fairly casual and ended amicably, I might exactly for the reasons you've listed - maybe I'm bored, curious what they want, willing to be pals if we had shared common interests, etc. I wouldn't go into it expecting to rekindle romance more like to reiterate that I'm not interested in that, especially if I've already rejected them. That said, some people can be opportunistic and if they happen to be on a dry spell, you could be setting yourself up for another fling for a month or two before you get dumped again. So do beware of that as well and be sure you can handle that possibility and the pain that comes with that - used and discarded.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    My ex broke up with me. We didn't get into a huge fight, there was no cheating and neither of us did anything horrible. He just wasn't feeling it (in his words). He said he liked me just fine. He said getting regular sex was cool (he said it was "convenient" for him...big time ouch) and he thought I was a cool person. But that was it. Whatever it was he needed to feel to be in a relationship with me wasn't there. I was absolutely head over heels for him but he obviously didn't feel the same.

    A few years later he reached out, wanting to "hang out". Even though he broke up with me I was curious to see if I still felt the same way I had before. So we did hang out a couple of times. Interestingly, I felt nothing. I was now the one who wasn't "feeling it". He reached out a couple more times but I just wasn't interested in seeing him anymore.

    So, maybe this guy you want to meet up with is like my ex. He thinks you're great but he isn't feeling enough to want to be in a relationship. And that doesn't mean you're lacking in some way. You aren't. Perhaps you two just are not right for one another, not because something's "wrong" but because it just isn't the fit he needs it to be.

    And everyone who reaches out says they are "fine" with whatever the outcome is, then they come back on here posting about how it was a huge mistake and they feel worse than they did before when they didn't get the response they secretly were hoping for. So just be aware of that.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You seem eager to do this. So make it a quick coffee invite with no expectations of anything. He may not reply, or may not want to go or may be with someone. But if your curiosity is itching you, shoot out a text and see what happens.
    Originally Posted by joyce
    So Iím thinking of reaching out and suggesting a casual meet up to see where he would stand on that.

  9. #18
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    I guess its me or Im jaded but 2 months doesn't seem like a long time at all. So Im asking how can a 2 month fling there be a dumpee and a dumper? Its not like you two were discussing curtains or blinds.
    So OP, thinking in terms of dumpee and dumper puts you at an advantage or disadvantage don't you think? It was only 2 months so how much power can one person really gain over you? I would change the mind set and get rid of the 'dumpee' name tag. Remember, it takes two people to make things work and maybe it was just bad timing, who knows.
    So here is the thing. If you can meet him with zero anxiety then why not have a good time? If you two are compatible then you two should be open and free to talk about any subject. I mean the 2 month fling is going to be the elephant in the room so why not just get it out in the open, close out that chapter agree it didn't work out and then start fresh? Once you get past that initial awkwardness, then you two can feel free to be free and open with one another. That's my take

  10. #19
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    Hmm. Definitely lots to think about here. I'll admit, I don't know if I really buy into the whole "dumpee should NEVER reach out to the dumper first" perspective. Obviously I agree in extreme situations like manipulation, cheating, abuse, etc...But that's not the case here and there's a lot more context to our unique personalities, the dynamic during the 2 months we dated, the way the "breakup" occurred, and the changes I've encountered individually over the last 6 months since we've spoken than I can include in a brief internet post. So I appreciate and understand the sentiment, but respectfully admit that I don't think it fits here.

    Originally Posted by No1
    So OP, thinking in terms of dumpee and dumper puts you at an advantage or disadvantage don't you think? It was only 2 months so how much power can one person really gain over you? I would change the mind set and get rid of the 'dumpee' name tag. Remember, it takes two people to make things work and maybe it was just bad timing, who knows.
    I think this kind of hits the nail on the head. You're right, I suppose it seems kind of odd to be referring to him as "dumper" and myself as "dumpee" based on the way things went down and the fact that we hadn't even reached official "relationship" status yet anyway. I guess I only think of it that way because he's the one who initially brought it up.

    Perhaps it might've been better to phrase it differently, like we had a fling and it burned out because life got in the way, but now I'm wondering if there could still be a spark. It's not like we have months/years of memories together to fuel bad blood or extremely strong emotions. In that case I would be more apprehensive about reaching out and would agree more with some of the responses I've gotten here. I think this is more of a "nothing to lose" type situation than people are realizing.

    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    You seem eager to do this. So make it a quick coffee invite with no expectations of anything. He may not reply, or may not want to go or may be with someone. But if your curiosity is itching you, shoot out a text and see what happens.
    You're right about that. I appreciate your straight and to the point advice. I am eager to do this and have been itching to do so for a few months now. It's not an emotional decision I made overnight, so I fully understand the risk that things might not necessarily go the way I want them to in an ideal world. My sense of self-worth/happiness isn't really wrapped up in the outcome of this anyway lol so I think I'll be fine.

    Anyway. I did end up texting him and asked if he'd like to catch up over a coffee sometime. His response was very friendly and he said he'd be up for it. So that's that! We'll see how it goes and I'll read the vibe from there.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Go have fun see what happens.
    Originally Posted by joyce
    Anyway. I did end up texting him and asked if he'd like to catch up over a coffee sometime. His response was very friendly and he said he'd be up for it. So that's that! We'll see how it goes and I'll read the vibe from there.

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