How do you deal with an inconsiderate/selfish younger brother?

So my younger brother (22 years old) has been getting on my nerves lately. My sister just recently moved out and while it was quiet for awhile, my brother now decided to move to her room which is upstairs on top of mine. He's a lazy kid who's getting paid to stay at home due to covid and his workplace is closed and enjoying the benefits of getting paid to stay home and doesn't even help my mom out in cleaning the house or running errands. I have to do it all even though I've worked a 10-12 hour shift.

Everyday his gf comes over and all they do is hangout in my sister's old room all day. I come home from work and when I try to nap all I can hear is "thumping" noises from the bed, their voices, and my dogs barking cause a stranger is upstairs. I have told him to keep it down one night when the dog kept barking cause his gf was up there with him and he said ok.

What I hate about him is that he's so inconsiderate, only cares about himself, doesn't do any chores around the house even though he's not working but getting paid by his employer. He even takes advantage of all the food my mom and I purchase. Last week I cooked for my parents and he didnt bother pitching in any money but he finished most of the food. I even made a separate Tupperware for me and that was gone before the next morning. Not a single thank you or anything or offer to pitch in for expenses.. Last night he ordered drinks delivered to our house from Jamba Juice for him and his gf only and didnt bother asking me or my parents if we wanted anything.

Im pretty fed up with him so I will no longer be cooking for him since he doesn't even say thanks or pitch in for the expenses. I still got a year till I move out as I'm still saving money. How would you guys bare with this little brother of mine in the meantime?

Why do your parents put up with it?

Nothing in your post says that you cooked for him.

You said you cooked for your parents last week. Once!! Only?

Who is cooking the rest of the week? For you??

According to you , you are doing all of the cleaning and helping with errands for your mum?

Does your dad help out at all?

You claim the dog is barking at a stranger? Your brothers gf is not a stranger. Unless they only met in the last couple of weeks? Have you taken your dog to see a vet for this odd behaviour?

Sounds like you are a bit jealous that your brother can’t work right now?

Are you not glad that you are earning your normal income during this time?

I assume you are paying rent to your parents? And your brother also?

If you aren’t paying the going lodger rate as a full time worker , then you have nothing to complain about.

Please clarify?

Unfortunately you are too old to live at home. At 30+ you need to get your own place. You claim you work full time, so it's time to cut the apron strings and get a place and a life of your own.

Your parents are allowing your kid brother to "make noise" with his GF and that annoys you. Tell your parents. Thier house thier crazy rules.

The reason everyone in your entire household has been bothering you for a few years is because you are too old to be there.

What is preventing you from moving out and getting your own place?

The reason everyone in your entire household has been bothering you for a few years is because you are too old to be there.

I second this. When you don't like your roommates, find a better living situation and go there.

I dont think there's anything wrong with the dog. He hears noises so he reacts.

As for you, OP, time to move out. Even if it's into a room somewhere.

Your parents should not be letting your bro freeload as he does, he should have chores and responsibilities. But their house, their rules. Have you discussed this with them?

I'm sure you have been told the same advice....if you don't like the situation you are in, move out. Even with the covid thing going on, people are still moving out, getting divorced/separating, buying houses and finding places to rent.

As for your brother, that's your parent's problem to deal with. They are not blind to your brother's actions or situation. They are obviously not bothered by it, so there is nothing you can do about that.

Over a year ago you had a problem with your sister having her boyfriend over. Now you have a problem with your brother.

In the past year I presume you have had the chance to save money. So you can move out now and avoid all these sibling issues.

I moved during the pandemic. It wasn't the most fun thing I've ever done but I had to do it. Besides, rentals are going for cheaper because sadly lots of people lost their jobs and there are a lot of vacancies.

If moving out isn't an option, then how about you swap rooms with your brother so he isn't schtupping his gf above your head and annoying you.

Other than that, learn to stay in your own lane. You are yourself squatting in your parents' home way past time yourself. Not a good look on you, OP. So worry a bit less about what others do and worry more about what you are doing in terms of getting your life together and moving out like an adult that you are. Or to put it another way, everything in life comes with a price. You want to save money, so the price is put up and shut up when it comes to your brother and other family/household dynamics. If you don't like the price, then move out - roommates, renting a room from some retiree, tiny studio, etc. You have choices if you want them and yes, rental prices have dropped a lot, so not a bad time to move on out.

Any time you are so consumed with what someone else is doing. You need to look internally. What is missing in you and your life that you care so much what he is doing?

Covid aside, you're adult siblings living together with your parents. Thats bound to cause problems.

You really can't impose your rules on him. You're equals in this house. It's up to the Supreme Court of mom and dad to settle these disputes. And from the sounds of it, you're the only one complaining.

I know its pretty common for kids to move back home in these recent generations. Showing my age here [emoji1] And I never did understand it.

My generation and all those before me, on the other hand, we were like your house? your rules? I'm moving out. And sure I was broker than broke. Living off Ramen noodles and ladies nights at da club... [emoji1] but nobody could say poop about.

There is nothing as freeing as independence and your own place to make your own rules. You'll find all the annoyances not only disappear, but dear brother and his antics will become funny anecdotes.

Unfortunately you are too old to live at home. At 30+ you need to get your own place. You claim you work full time, so it's time to cut the apron strings and get a place and a life of your own.

 

Your parents are allowing your kid brother to "make noise" with his GF and that annoys you. Tell your parents. Thier house thier crazy rules.

That's exactly why we move out as young adults. We've outgrown our parents house, their rules, their living conditions and other family members that are still under the same roof.

Pull the plug on grocery shopping and cooking for him. Everyone else can eat except your brother. Don't clean up after him. That will grab his attention real fast and then you tell him that if he wants food, cooked food and his messes cleaned up, he needs to contribute with errands, cooking, cleaning and monetarily, too.

If you are over 30, you should not be sponging off your folks. You should be living on your own or with a roommate. If mom and dad were elderly and infirm, different story - you would be there to help - but not working 12 hours a day - you would be working less to actually help them. I think you should look for your own place -- or be quiet. You COULD try to have a relationship with your brother and therefore he might consider not being so loud at night or you COULD take the dog for a walk during the day or play with the dog so the dog doesn't bark so much

If you are over 30, you should not be sponging off your folks. You should be living on your own or with a roommate. If mom and dad were elderly and infirm, different story - you would be there to help - but not working 12 hours a day - you would be working less to actually help them. I think you should look for your own place -- or be quiet. You COULD try to have a relationship with your brother and therefore he might consider not being so loud at night or you COULD take the dog for a walk during the day or play with the dog so the dog doesn't bark so much

I give my mom 700 a month for rent to help them with the mortgage which is around 3800 a month.I had a relationship with my brother before he got a gf but now he is just completely useless to the household. He doesn’t do any chores, contribute any money for rent, and just leeching off my parents for everything. Mind you, he’s getting paid from his job doing nothing cause they’ve been closed for 3 months due to Covid.

My mom tells him to find a job and go to school while he has this free time but he doesn’t listen. He’d rather stay home not doing anything but hang out with his gf who is also unemployed and doesn’t go to school.

Thanks for the replies guys, I’m actually thinking of moving a few hours away cause the rent is a lot cheaper but I’ll have to find a new job in the area

This is a great idea. Get a fresh start in life. Start looking at jobs and apartments, house shares, roommates, etc.

You need to distance yourself from your family mentally and perhaps physically so you can grow and enjoy life as an adult. It will improve your self respect as well as make you a better candidate for dating.

I’m actually thinking of moving a few hours away cause the rent is a lot cheaper but I’ll have to find a new job in the area

I give my mom 700 a month for rent to help them with the mortgage which is around 3800 a month.I had a relationship with my brother before he got a gf but now he is just completely useless to the household. He doesn’t do any chores, contribute any money for rent, and just leeching off my parents for everything. Mind you, he’s getting paid from his job doing nothing cause they’ve been closed for 3 months due to Covid.

 

My mom tells him to find a job and go to school while he has this free time but he doesn’t listen. He’d rather stay home not doing anything but hang out with his gf who is also unemployed and doesn’t go to school.

You sound more jealous than anything. Your brother IS employed and if that means the company pays for staying put, good for him. He is still getting a paycheck and he still has a job whenever the company is ready for him to return to work. Who are you to judge that exactly?

As for chores, you aren't children anymore and what he does and doesn't do is none of your business.

If you want a relationship with your brother, then work on your jealousy and actually connect to him as a person not as two kids bickering about chores. If he doesn't contribute to rent and your parents allow that, that's between them and none of your business.

OP, a really great way to poison family relationships is to overstep your boundaries and try to boss people around or position yourself as the martyr who is doing the cooking and cleaning and whatever and then seething with resentment about it all because nobody is falling down on their knees in gratitude.

Stop the madness, get your own place, it will help your sanity and even with romantic relationships.

I give my mom 700 a month for rent to help them with the mortgage which is around 3800 a month.I had a relationship with my brother before he got a gf but now he is just completely useless to the household. He doesn’t do any chores, contribute any money for rent, and just leeching off my parents for everything. Mind you, he’s getting paid from his job doing nothing cause they’ve been closed for 3 months due to Covid.

 

My mom tells him to find a job and go to school while he has this free time but he doesn’t listen. He’d rather stay home not doing anything but hang out with his gf who is also unemployed and doesn’t go to school.

Don’t compare apples with oranges.

How much rent did you pay your mom when you were 22?

How much rent would you be paying if you were to rent yourself not at a cheap discount your parents have clearly offered you? That YOU agreed to.

You are paying only 18% of the mortgage under no contract that you can clearly end at any time.

Lucky you!!

Focus on your own lucky stars and stop being jealous of others.

Move out. Pay more than $700 per month. Cook your own meals 7 days a week and then whinge about your current situation.