Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12
Results 11 to 20 of 20

Thread: How do you deal with an inconsiderate/selfish younger brother?

  1. #11
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,151
    Gender
    Female
    If moving out isn't an option, then how about you swap rooms with your brother so he isn't schtupping his gf above your head and annoying you.

    Other than that, learn to stay in your own lane. You are yourself squatting in your parents' home way past time yourself. Not a good look on you, OP. So worry a bit less about what others do and worry more about what you are doing in terms of getting your life together and moving out like an adult that you are. Or to put it another way, everything in life comes with a price. You want to save money, so the price is put up and shut up when it comes to your brother and other family/household dynamics. If you don't like the price, then move out - roommates, renting a room from some retiree, tiny studio, etc. You have choices if you want them and yes, rental prices have dropped a lot, so not a bad time to move on out.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    Location
    N/A
    Posts
    2,936
    Any time you are so consumed with what someone else is doing. You need to look internally. What is missing in you and your life that you care so much what he is doing?

    Covid aside, you're adult siblings living together with your parents. Thats bound to cause problems.

    You really can't impose your rules on him. You're equals in this house. It's up to the Supreme Court of mom and dad to settle these disputes. And from the sounds of it, you're the only one complaining.

    I know its pretty common for kids to move back home in these recent generations. Showing my age here And I never did understand it.

    My generation and all those before me, on the other hand, we were like your house? your rules? I'm moving out. And sure I was broker than broke. Living off Ramen noodles and ladies nights at da club... but nobody could say poop about.

    There is nothing as freeing as independence and your own place to make your own rules. You'll find all the annoyances not only disappear, but dear brother and his antics will become funny anecdotes.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    California
    Posts
    11,192
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately you are too old to live at home. At 30+ you need to get your own place. You claim you work full time, so it's time to cut the apron strings and get a place and a life of your own.

    Your parents are allowing your kid brother to "make noise" with his GF and that annoys you. Tell your parents. Thier house thier crazy rules.
    That's exactly why we move out as young adults. We've outgrown our parents house, their rules, their living conditions and other family members that are still under the same roof.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    Posts
    2,558
    Pull the plug on grocery shopping and cooking for him. Everyone else can eat except your brother. Don't clean up after him. That will grab his attention real fast and then you tell him that if he wants food, cooked food and his messes cleaned up, he needs to contribute with errands, cooking, cleaning and monetarily, too.

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    Posts
    25,005
    Gender
    Female
    If you are over 30, you should not be sponging off your folks. You should be living on your own or with a roommate. If mom and dad were elderly and infirm, different story - you would be there to help - but not working 12 hours a day - you would be working less to actually help them. I think you should look for your own place -- or be quiet. You COULD try to have a relationship with your brother and therefore he might consider not being so loud at night or you COULD take the dog for a walk during the day or play with the dog so the dog doesn't bark so much

  7. #16
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    585
    Originally Posted by abitbroken
    If you are over 30, you should not be sponging off your folks. You should be living on your own or with a roommate. If mom and dad were elderly and infirm, different story - you would be there to help - but not working 12 hours a day - you would be working less to actually help them. I think you should look for your own place -- or be quiet. You COULD try to have a relationship with your brother and therefore he might consider not being so loud at night or you COULD take the dog for a walk during the day or play with the dog so the dog doesn't bark so much
    I give my mom 700 a month for rent to help them with the mortgage which is around 3800 a month.I had a relationship with my brother before he got a gf but now he is just completely useless to the household. He doesn’t do any chores, contribute any money for rent, and just leeching off my parents for everything. Mind you, he’s getting paid from his job doing nothing cause they’ve been closed for 3 months due to Covid.

    My mom tells him to find a job and go to school while he has this free time but he doesn’t listen. He’d rather stay home not doing anything but hang out with his gf who is also unemployed and doesn’t go to school.

  8. #17
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2006
    Posts
    585
    Thanks for the replies guys, I’m actually thinking of moving a few hours away cause the rent is a lot cheaper but I’ll have to find a new job in the area

  9. #18
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,159
    Gender
    Male
    This is a great idea. Get a fresh start in life. Start looking at jobs and apartments, house shares, roommates, etc.

    You need to distance yourself from your family mentally and perhaps physically so you can grow and enjoy life as an adult. It will improve your self respect as well as make you a better candidate for dating.
    Originally Posted by JDMxTeGrA101
    I’m actually thinking of moving a few hours away cause the rent is a lot cheaper but I’ll have to find a new job in the area

  10. #19
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Location
    Wilds of Texas
    Posts
    11,151
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by JDMxTeGrA101
    I give my mom 700 a month for rent to help them with the mortgage which is around 3800 a month.I had a relationship with my brother before he got a gf but now he is just completely useless to the household. He doesn’t do any chores, contribute any money for rent, and just leeching off my parents for everything. Mind you, he’s getting paid from his job doing nothing cause they’ve been closed for 3 months due to Covid.

    My mom tells him to find a job and go to school while he has this free time but he doesn’t listen. He’d rather stay home not doing anything but hang out with his gf who is also unemployed and doesn’t go to school.
    You sound more jealous than anything. Your brother IS employed and if that means the company pays for staying put, good for him. He is still getting a paycheck and he still has a job whenever the company is ready for him to return to work. Who are you to judge that exactly?

    As for chores, you aren't children anymore and what he does and doesn't do is none of your business.

    If you want a relationship with your brother, then work on your jealousy and actually connect to him as a person not as two kids bickering about chores. If he doesn't contribute to rent and your parents allow that, that's between them and none of your business.

    OP, a really great way to poison family relationships is to overstep your boundaries and try to boss people around or position yourself as the martyr who is doing the cooking and cleaning and whatever and then seething with resentment about it all because nobody is falling down on their knees in gratitude.

    Stop the madness, get your own place, it will help your sanity and even with romantic relationships.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Posts
    2,110
    Originally Posted by JDMxTeGrA101
    I give my mom 700 a month for rent to help them with the mortgage which is around 3800 a month.I had a relationship with my brother before he got a gf but now he is just completely useless to the household. He doesn’t do any chores, contribute any money for rent, and just leeching off my parents for everything. Mind you, he’s getting paid from his job doing nothing cause they’ve been closed for 3 months due to Covid.

    My mom tells him to find a job and go to school while he has this free time but he doesn’t listen. He’d rather stay home not doing anything but hang out with his gf who is also unemployed and doesn’t go to school.
    Don’t compare apples with oranges.
    How much rent did you pay your mom when you were 22?

    How much rent would you be paying if you were to rent yourself not at a cheap discount your parents have clearly offered you? That YOU agreed to.
    You are paying only 18% of the mortgage under no contract that you can clearly end at any time.
    Lucky you!!

    Focus on your own lucky stars and stop being jealous of others.

    Move out. Pay more than $700 per month. Cook your own meals 7 days a week and then whinge about your current situation.

Page 2 of 2 FirstFirst 12

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •