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Thread: Roommate relationship turned disaster

  1. #1
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    Roommate relationship turned disaster

    I posted a while back about finding myself in a situationship with a 47 yo divorce with 4 kids. Much of the advice for myself was to steer clear and find a new roommate which for various reasons did not work out.

    I stayed, and yes-i did continue to sleep with him from time to time, mostly because of validation, being somewhat attracted, feeling insecure doesnt really matter at this point MONTHS AGO A small part of me thought it would lead somewhere, it did..basically into an wildfire that burned everything down.

    First it was him getting more and more distant, no conversation (hes very quiet), cold shoulder, no acknowledgement, he would sit on his chair, bible in hand looking pretty sullen. This is going on for months. I stopped sleeping with him for MONTHS. When his parents came over the other day i got this weird feeling,and a few days ago I texted him asking if he had told anyone about us having a physical relationship-which I had made CLEAR i did not want anyone including his parents to know.

    And yes-he has told everyone, his excuse was because of teh guilt he felt which he followed up with "im telling you as a friend, you would do better to take more responsibility" I dont understand what his description of a friend is and the problem is-I dont feel as much guilt because I liked him for reasons other than lust, his was probably just lust/attraction since he made no effort to take me out anywhere besides the park. Furious that he had gone out of his way to give out details, I told him that I don't want to have anything to do with him EVER.

    My question is -Why does a grown man feel better about disrespecting another person, to remove some of his own guilt by telling other people about it? What are your thoughts? was he within his right to do this? I feel bitter and betrayed. Even though its been months since we had a physical relationship, I still did not want to have to deal with the judgement of other people knowing. I am angry that he knew that I would be totally opposed to this, he did it.

    I know the same people who responded to the intial post will have the same solution which is to move out. That will happen in the future. Right now its not possible.
    How can I make this situation work for me? I dont want him to be telling people about me? is he doing this on purpose?
    Last edited by foreverblue; 08-02-2020 at 09:54 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Can you afford to move out? Unfortunately he can talk to whoever he wants about whatever he wants. Why does your relationship have to be secret?

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    No, not yet. Yes-thats true. I have told him to respect my wishes and not do that!

  4. #4
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Well, everyone should be able to tell their family whatever they like.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    If you knew how little time people spent thinking about what you did or didn't do, you'd be surprised. So he told people, so what? You told him not to, but he did. Shows he cant be trusted.

    You need to move out asap, even if just into a room somewhere.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Move back in with your mother. He doesn't want to play house. Hanging out there pretending to be a GF but not really is making you unhappy.

    There's a lot of mention of bibles, lust, guilt, secrecy about sex,etc. Is this a cult?

    Yet you are in this nebulous roommates with benefits arrangement.

    Do you pay rent? Or is it expected that you babysit,clean and have sex in exchange for that? Why bother staying there?

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    NO its not anything like that. Right now im in the East Coast. my mom is far. Yes I pay rent its lower for my area, but higher than what he initially told me. Im in a safe area of Chicago and like i said its difficult for me to consider moving right now. Its not like we were together 24/7
    He was completely fine having sex the first times we did it, now hes burdened with guilt? Don't really understand. Not trying to change his thought process, just trying to understand him.
    Last edited by foreverblue; 08-03-2020 at 08:22 AM.

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    you're right. i have never expected anything from him. The least he could do is keep it between us. But he can't even honor that.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Don't bother trying to understand him. Just live your own life. Stop sleeping with him or trying to have a relationship. Act like roommates and stop playing house. Who cares what he tells his people?
    Originally Posted by foreverblue
    . Right now im in the East Coast. Im in a safe area of Chicago.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    None of us can control anyone else's private conversations. Period.

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