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So I believe my old best friend used to be attracted to me?


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Hello, so I have been recently thinking about an old friend of mine that I knew for several years. A couple of years ago, She came out to me as a lesbian. However, as the years have gone on, I have noticed some things that might mean she was into me at one point. Such as, sometimes she would playfully ruffle my hair, put her head on my shoulder when standing in the starbucks lines or even wanting to stay over at my place every weekend. Now, she never attempted to make a move on me because she knows that I am straight. She has even told me that "I am not her type". She can also be a little critical of me sometimes but I think that was just to hide her true feelings for me. Does this sound like someone who might be secretly into me? I'm not going to reach out and ask her because she will just deny it. But I am thinking she really was secretly into me. We have had a couple of friends that even jokingly "shipped" us together and have had people ask us if we were a "couple". So, I don't know what this all means or if im just thinking wrong. What could it all mean?

thanks!

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Hey Katy.

 

As a gay woman myself, I can only offer advice of my own experiences and can honestly say that the only person who knows her feelings towards you, is her.

 

In saying that, the line between feelings of friendship and romantic feelings can be blurry at times. I think you have to look at her personality as a whole before looking at certain actions to pick out if they meant more than just friendly behaviours.

How does she behave with other friends? Maybe she is just an affectionate person?

 

Nothing she has done here jumps out as overly flirtatious. Try to think about how a straight female friend behaves around you, because sexuality doesn't affect how we interact as friends.

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You speak of her in the past tense, so what difference does it make today?

 

That struck me too.

 

She may have been somewhat attracted to you, but there's not really enough information here to make a solid guess. Sometimes friends, especially female friends, are very close and affectionate without having any romantic feelings.

 

If you are not interested in her, I am curious to hear what's got you wondering about this?

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Hey Katy.

 

As a gay woman myself, I can only offer advice of my own experiences and can honestly say that the only person who knows her feelings towards you, is her.

 

In saying that, the line between feelings of friendship and romantic feelings can be blurry at times. I think you have to look at her personality as a whole before looking at certain actions to pick out if they meant more than just friendly behaviours.

How does she behave with other friends? Maybe she is just an affectionate person?

 

Nothing she has done here jumps out as overly flirtatious. Try to think about how a straight female friend behaves around you, because sexuality doesn't affect how we interact as friends.

 

I don't think this has anything to do with sexual orientation. I think it's self-absorbed or worse to dwell on whether another person had romantic feelings towards you when you don't feel the same - and even worse if you ask the person because it's obviously putting that person in an awkward position for no reason.

 

When my husband and I reconnected before marriage -after being apart for years -I honestly couldn't tell what his intentions were towards me after two nights of hanging out platonically. But I wanted to know because I was very interested in him and a potential relationship. The third time we hung out he brought it up. We got back together that night. If I'd had no romantic interest in him I would never have put him in the position of telling me he did only to hear me say "oh I was just curious" or worse so I'd be "flattered".

 

Sometimes these situations are unique to people who are not heterosexual. I don't think this one is at all.

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I don't mean to be rude but I'm a bisexual woman and it can actually be kind of annoying when you come out to a female friend and immediately she thinks I'm into her. Just because she's a lesbian may not necessarily mean she's into you. You're not into every guy you know, right? Or she may be into you but obviously she knows you wouldn't be interested, so she never crossed a boundary. Same sex attracted people don't just fixate on one friend of the same gender and don't understand how to move on. Well, hopefully most don't lol Even if she was at some point into you, she probably got over it.

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I don't mean to be rude but I'm a bisexual woman and it can actually be kind of annoying when you come out to a female friend and immediately she thinks I'm into her. Just because she's a lesbian may not necessarily mean she's into you. You're not into every guy you know, right? Or she may be into you but obviously she knows you wouldn't be interested, so she never crossed a boundary. Same sex attracted people don't just fixate on one friend of the same gender and don't understand how to move on. Well, hopefully most don't lol Even if she was at some point into you, she probably got over it.

 

Exactly. It reminds me of my friend who is married to a woman. I am friendly with both of them but she is my "first" friend of the couple. I kind of harmlessly flirt with all my friends - banter! I am straight and married to a man. She knows that. One time we were joking about seating arrangements at a movie theater where we planned to take our then younger kids - who we had to space properly to make sure they behaved. I joked in context about sitting on her lap during the movie -had nothing to do with her sexual orientation at all but I realized when I said it in the back of my mind that it was maybe odd to say that to a gay woman! So she joked back that she'd have to check with her wife to see if it was ok. I sincerely doubt she thought I was into her.

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Hello, so I have been recently thinking about an old friend of mine that I knew for several years. A couple of years ago, She came out to me as a lesbian. However, as the years have gone on, I have noticed some things that might mean she was into me at one point. Such as, sometimes she would playfully ruffle my hair, put her head on my shoulder when standing in the starbucks lines or even wanting to stay over at my place every weekend. Now, she never attempted to make a move on me because she knows that I am straight. She has even told me that "I am not her type". She can also be a little critical of me sometimes but I think that was just to hide her true feelings for me. Does this sound like someone who might be secretly into me? I'm not going to reach out and ask her because she will just deny it. But I am thinking she really was secretly into me. We have had a couple of friends that even jokingly "shipped" us together and have had people ask us if we were a "couple". So, I don't know what this all means or if im just thinking wrong. What could it all mean?

thanks!

 

Female friends - especially when they are younger do hug, and have physical contact - hugging, hair touching - etc and its nothing sexual. I think that you are reading too much into things. If she was critical of you -- friends are real with eachother.

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