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Nervous about taking this to next level.


banana79

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Hi!

 

I’m currently in a casual thing with a guy I’ve been friends with for months. We haven’t hooked up yet but I don’t think we’d label ourselves as FWB but maybe like I said dating slowly with no titles but there’s exclusivity.

 

We’ve hung out twice romantically and we’ve only gone as far as cuddling and maybe touching (for like a few seconds lol).

 

He’s more experienced than I am and he has preferences as to what he likes but he also claims he’s simple in what he likes.

 

We are supposed to hang out today but I told him there may be a slight chance I can’t (which he knows) but I want to stop by at least for a few minutes. I sure he will go in for w hug some actually kiss/make out for the first time. If he doesn’t initiate it, I will. I’ve never had complaints from exes with regards to when we’ve kissed but with this new guy I’m just so nervous about disappointing him.

 

In fact I’m over thinking the whole thing because if the chemistry isn’t there when we kiss it’s a deal breaker probably and I like him a lot. I don’t want things to end.

 

What can I do to ease my worries?

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What is your endgame? Think long-term. Do you hope for an exclusive relationship? If so, avoid doing anything that will sabotage that opportunity.

 

As for the short-term: Be your best version of yourself and enjoy the moment, even if it doesn't go according to plan.

 

All the best! :D

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It sounds like you don’t know what the term FWB means?

 

What do you mean by more experienced than you? In what way?

You mention ex bf’s so it’s not like you haven’t fooled around before?

 

Why are you concerned about disappointing him?

Shouldn’t you be more concerned about him disappointing you?

 

And if you can’t catch up as planned then don’t.

Don’t make yourself out to be desperate by popping over for a few minutes.

What’s the point in that? To be super available to him so you don’t disappoint him??!!

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He’s more experienced than I am and he has preferences as to what he likes but he also claims he’s simple in what he likes.

 

I don't get this. Are you talking about what you like and don't like in bed? That's an abnormal conversation to have when you haven't even been intimate yet. And what do you mean by his being more experienced?

 

Every new relationship is a leap of faith and it's a bit nerve-racking to feel vulnerable. Just know that being uncertain is normal so there is no getting around it. Do try though to change your mindset in that whatever happens, you will be okay. If you two are incompatible, then you keep going until you find the keeper. If you're worried about disappointing him, think about if that's your poor self esteem that you need to boost, or if it's his demeanor that is making you feel on edge and "less then." If that's the case, you shouldn't be with someone who makes you feel badly about yourself.

 

If all of that talk of "Experienced" and sexual talk has stemmed from him, it's a red flag that he's only in it for sex. Of course, most people are thinking of that subject when dating someone attractive, but the average person won't talk about sex until he/she has already had sex with that partner. What's his relationship history? If his longest relationship has been 4 months, expect the same for yours.

 

Guard your heart and have a wait-and-see attitude. Time will reveal all.

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If you see yourself dating this guy properly with potential for a relationship quit the hanging out or stopping by just to audition to see if you kiss well. Ask him out to get together for an activity in public where you spend some time together -outside for a walk, at a museum, for a hike, whatever.

 

If you simply feel like having someone in your life you casually hook up with when one of you is horny then it's no big deal if this one doesn't work out -plenty of people are into that sort of casual arrangement.

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Everyone,

 

This post is irrelevant now. We was supposed to go on our 3rd date but I told him earlier that day, more than likely we wouldn’t because I’d to be too tired after I got back from helping a friend pack. I haven’t been sleeping much which he knew. He understood that I cancelled our date etc.

 

After I left my friends house a little earlier than planned, I was more exhausted but I wanted to see him even if it was for a few minutes even though our date was definitely cancelled.

 

He got upset and said there was no point if I was too exhausted as it was unless we were going on a date which he wanted to still do.

 

I got upset too and sure I was exhausted but seeing him for a few minutes was better than nothing at all.

 

Anyway, we argued for a little bit and now he’s pouting about it.

 

I asked friends and 75% agreed with him.

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I agree with him - a few minutes still means he has to get ready to see you -and you'll be exhausted. I wouldn't have pushed it especially since your prime motivation seems to be to test the chemistry. Maybe he was put off by your intensity (pushiness?) in insisting on stopping by.

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He thought the same thing but I’d rather see him for a little while instead of not at all.

 

Now he’s pouting about it and I hate it when he does this.

 

Because you see it differently. I wouldn't like someone to just stop by either if the plan had been for a full date and time together. To me a few minutes would be worse than nothing and kind of annoying in that circumstance. It's not just about you so when he first said no thanks you should have let it go IMO.

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We technically didn’t have plans. I told him already that if I wasn’t too exhausted we could go out after my friends thing and I said more likely I would be too exhausted so let’s just assume it’s a no. He said he understood and was fine with it.

 

So when I left my friends house I told him I was definitely too exhausted to go out like I told him but wanted to just stop by for a few since his house was on my way home.

 

He got upset because he said there was no point if it was for a few min. He also said if I could spare a few min then I could spare 1-2 hours and go out.

 

Then he started pouting about it and threw a tantrum.

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I don't think it's worth pursuing this arrangement because you're not on the same page even about the logistics of getting together. i think you wanted what was convenient for you and when you invite yourself over the other person is entitled to decline. My sense is you're physically attracted to him but you don't really like him or respect him.

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When you cancel something it's a good idea to postpone it and give the other party another alternative such as "I can't make it tonight because I'm sunburnt and exhausted but I'll definitely feel better tomorrow evening. I'd just like to keep it low key if that's ok with you."

 

If you like him, start communicating better. Don't do tentative drive bys. There are so many, and I mean SO MANY, situations like this born of convenience and it rarely ever lasts because one or both people end up not giving the other person the time of day.

 

Make better plans, communicate more and be more specific about what you're wanting out of this. It will give the other party time to reflect and absorb more about what kind of person you are and rise to that challenge dating you or spending adequate time (quality time) with you.

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Normally we are and he’s rarely upset so I’m not even sure why he was upset as he was. Especially when he was getting off work early because he wasn’t feeling well anyway.

 

What was he gonna do power through not feeling well just to go out. It’s also the reason why I was only going to stay for a little bit just to see how he was doing.

 

But I agree. I just can’t deal with this type of poutiness.

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You’re right. When you put it that way, it was wishy washy.

 

We did discuss earlier that day the next time I’d see him was next weekend because I was going to be busy with work.

 

So by announcing suddenly I’d stop by for a few minutes it probably was a jerk move now that I think about it.

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It was a misunderstanding. Just apologize for your part of it and if you want to continue seeing him, ask him whether he's free tomorrow or another time. Don't get sucked into the emotions of the present moment or let that get you down.

 

If you sense someone is a bit stuck on one point or not able to mentally move past a small misunderstanding, I don't think this is a good sign overall, character-wise.

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@rose

 

I’m more upset/sad by how he reacted. He was pouting and was a little bit is a jerk. After the little argument he went to bed after (which is earlier than normal).

 

When he woke up up this morning he apologized immediately. I have a major migraine and I’m nauseated so I didn’t really talk much.

 

Idk though. I’m still bothered by it.

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