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Thread: Did she only use me for sex?

  1. #1
    Join Date
    Apr 2020

    Did she only use me for sex?

    Was this girl just using me for sex?

    So, me and A girl I went to college with were in a friends with benefits type relationship this year. We are both 22 and went to the same college. We both just graduated. She is the youngest of several siblings and also comes from a traditional Asian family.

    Her and I weren't looking for anything serious at first. We hung out at the beginning of the year, hooked up, and then laid in bed for 6 hours cuddling and just talking to eachother. We agreed to be FWB, but it never seemed that's what it was. She was making me send her music from my Spotify to listen to, randomly FaceTiming me, and started telling her friends (as well as a couple of mine) that I was her man.

    I didn't say anything at first because I honestly kinda liked it. We were talking literally 24/7, hooking up all the time and also spending a lot of time together even if we didn't hook up. It was a little bit of everything. Over a short amount of time, we got really close.

    I caught feelings after about 2 months. She was was acting like she was catching feelings too, so We talked it out. She seemed back and fourth, and even after I told her I liked her, she never gave me a clear answer if she liked me back or not. We agreed to keep talking and being friends, but stop hooking up to avoid confusion.

    The very next weekend, we had sex again. We had really emotional and passionate sex. It got wild at times. We definitely had good physical chemistry. We had sex pretty often, so we got to learn each others bodies really well. Ever since we kept hooking up when we agreed not to, She would initiate it every time. She would hit me up, or come up to me at a party or kickback and it would go from there. I kept letting this happen because I wanted to stay close to her. I enjoyed the fact knowing that she was enjoying that part of it at least. After we finally called that off, I asked her why she kept coming back and she said because she was sexually comfortable with me.

    At this point, we had been talking for about 5 months. We were still friends and talked and hung out a lot. She would still want to cuddle with me, and we would watch movies/do homework together and cuddle a lot.

    She sent me iMessage screenshots of guys hitting on her, and did a lot of other things to try and get a reaction out of me. She had told me she only liked me as a friend, but seemed to be back and fourth about it all the time. I told her I didn't appreciate her sending me screenshots of other guy's messages, and she apologized and said "I'm sorry! I was genuinely trying to keep you updated on what was going on in my life".

    She apparently would talk about me to her friends. Asking about me, asking her friends (some who are also my friends) If she should text me. It was really confusing. I backed off a few times and she would try to reel me back in and initiate more conversation if she noticed we hadn't been talking as much. She told me several times "I feel like we haven't been talking as much lately".

    She also asked me one night if I was talking to anyone trying to make her jealous. She would get territorial and jealous about other girls too.

    After a couple more months of these games, I finally was honest with her and told her I didn't know what her intentions were. We had agreed to be friends, and I was trying to control my feelings and enjoy our friendship despite me having feelings. And even in addition to her playing these stupid manipulation games. She dodged everything I said and put it back on me saying "I'm sorry. I thought I've made it clear where I stand already. I just say and do that stuff as a joke".

    It hurt pretty bad. I don't know if she was even being honest or not. But we don't talk as much now. She sends me random snapchats every now as then and we also don't live very far at all from eachother. I miss her and do still have some feelings..what does this situation look like? What should I do? Getting Ready for a First Date

  2. #2
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    I know you've posted this same question several times before and got LOTS of responses.

    I'm not quite sure what answer you're looking for that you haven't already gotten. And from what you just wrote there are no updates and nothing h as changes.

    So, I would say refer to previous advice because I believe you got some really good responses.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2014
    Yes I would say she does just want sex and attention from you. But she probably didn't get feelings for you that are that strong. Not to the point of actually wanting to date. If she was really into you then why would she be playing these games? She sounds immature as well. If she only wants to be friends/FWB and it's her idea then she has no right to get jealous and territorial about you talking to other girls. If you've got strong feelings for her, you might wanna consider ending it.

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Clio's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    No, she didn't use you for sex if you had a fwb agreement. You agreed to use each other for sex and then you changed your mind. You caught feelings but you didn't say anything for a long time, letting the situation carry on. It was YOUR responsibility to protect yourself and your boundaries, not hers. The situation is now clear. She is not interested in anything serious with you. You need to cut all contact. Block and delete her from your phone and social media. Once you cut all possibilities of communication, in time you will heal your broken heart and move on.


  6. #5
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Aug 2016
    Originally Posted by boltnrun
    I know you've posted this same question several times before and got LOTS of responses.
    This. OP, you're going to get the same responses here that you've got in your other threads about her.

    Why do you keep doing this to yourself? What are you hoping to hear this time that you haven't heard yet?

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Cloud Nine
    It's time to stop communicating with her and move forward. You've learned how NOT to go about things so it wasn't a complete waste of time.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    It's not healthy for you to keep communicating with her. There's total lack of respect and complete immaturity. I know you have feelings for her but I think you need a time out to repair and heal your heart and your mind. Call a time out. Don't date anyone for awhile. Try and avoid immature people like this while dating.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Sorry but if a woman was in love with you she would definitely let you know. She told you NO not going to happen. The sex is good so she kept coming back for it...you can have sex without the emotional attachment and that is up with her.

    I have to make this perfectly clear.....she IS NOT using you. FWB was the arrangement that you agreed on. Just because you caught feelings, is not her issue, it's on you. You are a big boy, you can figure this out....stop seeing her because she doesn't want to be your BF, she was in it for sex, that you agreed on in the beginning. She has done nothing wrong. She didn't lie to you, she didn't love bomb you, didn't make any promises. You made the choice to keep seeing her. You could have blocked her, stop all communication with her, stop answering her texts. Your weaknesses is your problem not hers. So get off the pot, and be done with her.

  10. 08-26-2020, 07:09 AM


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