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Thread: Breaking up after 10 years... Is there any hope?

  1. #11
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    I know your ex-boyfriend works full-time, but you also work, right? So equally you are busy. And it sounds like you actually were supportive and you did a lot of things for him. You were also happy even to give him money for the apartment renovations to help him with financial costs. And he did not accept this. To me personally it sounds like you did nothing wrong. You were together for ten years, that is a very long time. It's not wrong at all that you want to think about your future, a long lasting relationship, and marriage. You are now 28 years old and wanting that at your age is very normal.

    It sounds like the apartment you were in definitely needed to be renovated, it sounds like it wasn't even safe to live in. You have a right to live in a safe and comfortable place, especially if you are married and if you wanted children. It not safe for little kids to run around on a floor that's unstable and they could fall and hurt themselves. You were thinking of the future and planning for a mature life. It doesn't sound like your boyfriend was actually thinking that.

    He's 29 years old and it doesn't sound like he actually wants to take responsibility for his actions. If he's overweight and just kept eating unhealthy food, it was his responsibility to change his diet, do exercise and start being healthy. It wasn't just your responsibility to cook him healthy meals and look after him like he's a child. I understand that you were pushing him a lot about the apartment. But you had a reason for doing that. The reason was that your boyfriend was taking really long to get it fixed and he wasn't really doing anything about the issues. For example, not hiring professional trade workers to fix the apartment. I'm sure if your boyfriend was doing the right things, you would not have been nagging and pushing him.

    If he wants to blame you for his own immature behaviours, then it's probably for the best this relationship is over. These things that you didn't like you pushing him, at 29 years old he should have already been doing on his own. Then he got mad that you're actually asking him to be an adult and show you that he's serious about your future and your relationship. He talked about marriage but this is not how you behave in a marriage. Marriage is about compromise and working as a team and caring about your partner's feelings.

    The good thing is you lost 21 kg, I'm sure you look great! Maybe it's an opportunity to meet a new man. You're so much smaller now, you're mature, you work. You are a good catch! Don't waste your time on your ex anymore. I'm 35 and single, never married, no kids. Time goes by fast and life is too short to waste it on the wrong person who doesn't share your values and doesn't make you happy. If you want marriage with a mature man, then you need to look for someone else

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Iím sorry but you brought the demise on yourself.

    You lived in HIS apartment for years, YOU were not happy with it. YOU insisted on him getting it renovated.

    He didnít have the money to get it done professionally.
    At that point you had better options. Could have sold his apartment and bought a new one together, perhaps.

    So, he obliged YOU and started doing the renovations himself.
    But YOU were not happy with the progress.
    Geez! Give the man a break!
    He works full time! So a couple of hours here and there to do a major renovation removing walls etc is of course going to take a very long time.

    It would take a team of 10 professionals to complete that in a month. Working full time.

    You seem to think that cooking for him on his 12 hr days was something to be be proud of?

    And I fail to see why his mother had no time to do groceries because she is jobless?
    Being jobless but with a husband working means she has all day to do groceries.

    I feel so sorry for your ex tbh.

    He is surrounded by women, who want things done but wonít do any of it themself?

    You are not the girl for him.

    Grieve the loss, stay no contact and learn from mistakes I guess!?
    I have to respectfully disagree with you Billie. She works too and she WAS helping with the apartment. She was also cooking, cleaning, and even offered him money to pay to fix the apartment. They were equal in their situation, both working. She did want to "do it herself" because her idea was to hire professionals to work on the apartment. If her and the ex boyfriend don't really know how to do handiwork, how was she supposed to "do it herself"? She wanted to help financially which was her best ability, as she is not a qualified tradesman.

    She had a right to push him because the apartment was in a terrible state and she also lived there for FIVE years. It was also her home. She had a right to have a say and to live in a safe, comfortable place. Her boyfriend talked about marriage so she had a right to know what her future with him was going to look like. She looked after him so why can't she ask that he take care of her too?

    And you have to admit it's not attractive when a 29-year-old man only eats unhealthy take away food and lives in a pigsty apartment. She called it "drug addict's house". So obviously it was really bad. Would you want to be with a guy who lived like this? I think most people wouldn't. I think your response was unfair and rude.

  3. #13
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    I have to respectfully disagree with you Billie. She works too and she WAS helping with the apartment. She was also cooking, cleaning, and even offered him money to pay to fix the apartment. They were equal in their situation, both working. She did want to "do it herself" because her idea was to hire professionals to work on the apartment. If her and the ex boyfriend don't really know how to do handiwork, how was she supposed to "do it herself"? She wanted to help financially which was her best ability, as she is not a qualified tradesman.

    She had a right to push him because the apartment was in a terrible state and she also lived there for FIVE years. It was also her home. She had a right to have a say and to live in a safe, comfortable place. Her boyfriend talked about marriage so she had a right to know what her future with him was going to look like. She looked after him so why can't she ask that he take care of her too?

    And you have to admit it's not attractive when a 29-year-old man only eats unhealthy take away food and lives in a pigsty apartment. She called it "drug addict's house". So obviously it was really bad. Would you want to be with a guy who lived like this? I think most people wouldn't. I think your response was unfair and rude.

    Re read her opening post. They both were living in his apartment. It was only 1.5 years ago that she decided she wanted to renovate his apartment.

    When she described his apartment as a drug addicts den , that was after her living there for years! She was a contributor to the state of the place as much as he was. She admitted they both ate unhealthily , both gained weight and neither cooked.

    Would I want to live with a guy like that? No.
    But she did because she was exactly the same.
    They both lived like that together for years.

    If she wanted change she could move out.

    So no, my post was not rude. It was realistic and to the point.

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