The Neighbor & I

I could really use everyone advice on this… I will be using a FAKE Name Amy for the protection of person whom I have an interest in.

So I now have a neighbor who lives next to me. She’s around my age group and she was living with a guy but now has a roommate. When I first moved in I had a friendly meet with her as I let her know that I had just moved in and I was just trying to get to know my neighbors. A few months from there went by with her and I saying hi in passing. One day, I come home and was expecting my amazon package to be at my door and it was stolen. So I made some adjustments by getting a Ring Video Device to stop or catch someone taking something that I ordered. One day She was sitting on her balcony and she asked me if she noticed anyone taking packages from people’s doors. I had let her know that I had it happen to me and that I told her she should look into creating a police report and reporting it to Amazon. As time went on I said hi to her and her roommate and I noticed her roommate was only friendly around Amy. When her roommate wasn’t around she wouldn’t say two words to me. Amy ended up getting a dog and I would find her out with her dog. So I would due the normal hi wave BUT now at this time, Amy starts coming over with me while having her dog out, and has small talk with me. Asking me how was my day, how was work, what did you bring home for dinner. I take note of this and now I’m starting to wonder if there is something a little more there than just small talk. Over the few months she would be outside and I would see her and we would talk and if I see her packages I would hold on to them after I had asked her if she wanted me to keep lookout for her stuff. She agreed to this, so I help watched her packages as they came in so no one will steal them she would do the same. In December 2019, after coming home, she knocked on my door, and gave me food and asked if I wanted it. I was a little surprised at this point but I thought it was cool. I accepted it and then I had told her that I’ve been thinking about asking if you wanted to be friends, and she was okay with that and had no problems. She then asked me if we could exchange numbers. Of course we could I thought and did it. I told her that hopefully her and her boyfriend would be enjoying the holidays coming up (in 2019). She told me that She was divorcing and her room mate at the time was single as well. I thought, okay, well that lets me know what her status is. So then once day while I was out at the store, I got her and her roommate a bottle of sparking grape juice for New Years and I was trying to return the favor. She was happy to get it and thanked me and thought cool. So a few times I noticed packages and I would protect them for her. I felt like hanging out with her, so I asked her by text if it would be cool if her, and her roommate, would like to go hangout somewhere AS FRIENDS politely. She texted me back and told me politely no that she would not want to do it. So me feeling a little messed up about it. I decided to just back off and not make things weird. So when I saw her out but she didn’t see me, I didn’t say Hi. If I saw a package which didn’t get stolen, I didn’t hold on to it for her. I thought, well she doesn’t even want to be friends that sucks. One day I came home, and when I parked she was out with her dog, her roommate also pulled up in the parking lot right next to me, I know her roommate isn’t okay talking to me by herself so I stayed in the car thinking that both of them would go inside the house and then I can could go inside my condo. So thinking that they went into their condo, Amy immediately walks her dog to catch up with me and starts trying to have small talk again. I had it with her but I could tell she wanted to keep asking questions but I had a long day so I kinda talked to her and I just went into my condo. I thought, that was weird, I’m not going to overthink this, she doesn’t want to be friends, it’s all good. Well when I see her around I noticed her and sometimes I would say hi and sometimes I wouldn’t because I’m noticing that I’m starting to actually like her and I feel like she’s starting to notice this too.. One day I had to make a run, I didn’t see she was outside, but I notice when I was turning to go down the street, I can see her in my review mirror, that she was staring at me from a distance until I drove off. I also like to go out and take walks and sometimes I run into her while Amy’s walking her dog and she will wave Hi to me or come up and meet me. Well sometimes on days, I would see her and I go walking she would stare at me when I’m a distance away from her. So since I noticed this, I felt like once again, there’s something there. So a spring came in, her roommate moved out. She was there by herself. So she started sitting outside on her balcony a whole hell of a lot more. So when I see her, I would say hi and have a conversation that would last about 10mins and then go in. One of our talks while she was sitting her balcony, she and I talked about the 4th of July and how I loved fireworks. I let her know that some cities around here (because didn’t grow up in this state) like to do firework shows. I asked her if she wanted to go and she said sure. This was cool however, the firework show was cancelled due to COVID. She asked me about the food one time I was bring home and I ended up bring her a salad and a menu for her and she loved that and told her “if you like the salad than you should order from the place.” I did find out that she is a Christian and we had a talk about that. That kinda messed with me a little bit because I am a Christian too but I’m not as strict (meaning I’m still myself, I still cuss, have sex etc). When I told her, hey I didn’t know you were Christian, she replied a little frustrated saying “you couldn’t tell from my actions that I was?!?” And I said No I didn’t know because we only seem to talk in passing. I wasn’t saying it was a bad thing. She was like oh okay. Now, If she was out and she looked busy on her balcony, I wouldn’t say anything but hi and keep it moving. One time I didn’t have my hat on and she told me, “I don’t ever think I’ve seen you with your hat off before” and I thought (well you have because I’ve came home from work before but she for some reason is noticing…) and I said “well yeah…” that’s all I could say because she didn’t give me a compliment really. Then I said, “well I noticed too, you have your hair down when you normally have it up. It looks good on you though” and then I quickly ended the conversation and walked inside. There were times I went for a walk, i don’t know if she can see me walking, but her windows face the areas where I go for a walk, so when I go past, a few minutes later she would also take her dog out as well. Interesting I thought but, I kept moving. One time, her and I were leaving at the same time, and she told me that she wanted to ask me if I could look at her computer to get a function to work. I let her know I have no problem checking it out, and when I got home I asked her if I could look at it. She opened the door with the computer but her dog kept wanting to come outside to greet me so I asked her, if she didn’t mind me coming into her condo and check out her computer. I could kinda tell she was a little nervous about it so I went to her table sat and looked at it and once I was done, I walked out of her house with her and say thanks for reaching out. She then wanted to give me food to appreciate me coming by, I accepted that. Then one time came home in the car and she was taking the dog, I noticed but I didn’t say hi but then I noticed she did a double take to watch me park and that’s about it. The next day, while working from home in the morning, I saw that she was outside taking her dog out. I thought, oh okay, no biggie. Then about an hour later, I went outside to take a walk and near the end of my walk, she brought the dog out, saw me, and said, “Hey! You want to race” and I joked back with her sayin, “yeah, lets go, but you prob win since I haven’t ran in sooo long but I used to be very fast in high school.” She asked what high school did I go to, I let her know. And she was like “nice!” And she went on to walk her dog, and I was like…? Okay? So I went back in. So now she has a new roommate, she doesn’t come outside as much anymore and her roommate doesn’t really say hi to me either. The last time I talked to Amy for small talk, I let her know that I wouldn’t mind taking her dog for a walk when I do and she told me that other people have asked too and that other neighbors have come by to say hi and even give her weather updates. So I thought… okay she’s just friendly I guess. So I have a wedding coming up that I need to go to, I wanted to ask her if she wanted to go with me as my plus 1 but I don’t know if it’s good idea.

Dating neighbors is tricky.

Asking her to go with you at the wedding sounds a bit too much imo because even thought you have talked from time to time it doesn't sound like you have an established kind of rapport, if that makes sense. It would have been something to suggest if you were further down the line in getting to know each other. It sounds like you like her and would like to get to know her better. Why not ask her out on some other activity? I realize that the covid situation is tricky so I am not sure what kind of activities you can engage in. What does she like to do for fun? Is it something you could invite her to as a date activity? You are at this point where you have started over analyzing her every move. In my experience, that is not useful as it can lead to making up all kinds of assumptions that may not be accurate and it can also lead to becoming infatuated, which doesn't help. Asking her out is indeed a good idea. You sound like a very decent bloke and it sounds like she may indeed be interested in going out with you. However, the only certain way to find out is to ask her out on a date. A wedding sounds like a bit too much too soon imo though. It would be best to suggest an alternative activity that you would both like.

I agree with Clio. I wouldn't ask her to to attend the wedding with you either. She's still just an acquaintance.

It sounds to me that she has very strong and enforced boundaries with you. She's not interested in being friends. She just wants a superficial relationship with you as two people living at the same condo complex.

Continue being nice and polite. She's comfortable with this current arrangement. Follow her cue. If you sense, she wants something more, then that's the time to mask up, keep your social distance and perhaps take a walk with her.

Until then, nothing is changing. Just remain a casual acquaintance until she lets you know that she's interested in dating you.

Be careful though. Should a relationship go awry, it's very awkward to have a neighbor post-break up and having to see them and cross paths with them everyday.

If she had a crush on you like you do for her, why would she turn down hanging out the first time you asked? Since you were the last one who asked her to watch fireworks, which wasn't really a date and that didn't pan out, if she was really into you, being a woman and knowing what I'd do, I'd be saying that since the fireworks didn't pan out, that we should try some other activity.

She knows you're into her. Women tend to be intuitive about those things. I've also witnessed certain men who let hope overshadow clear signals of disinterest. Those women might send out crumbles of interaction because they like the ego boost, but if she was really into you, she wouldn't let these opportunities of getting together slip by without inaction.

I'd start pouring emotional energy into someone who makes it crystal clear she's just as into you as you are into her.

She's separated and going through with a divorce. I think you should be a bit more cautious. I can appreciate your enthusiasm. If she blows hot and cold with you, I don't like saying this but it's more or less accurate and common.

I don't see anything wrong with asking her to the wedding as your date as a spontaneous thing. Keep it lighthearted and don't take it personally if she says no. If she says yes, don't overthink it after the fact or see it as a green light to pursue things further. Let time do the work for you and don't overanalyze. Enjoy each others' company if you're out and about and see each other but it won't do you any good thinking you're not good enough just because she's inconsistent or a little moody sometimes. This is probably not the right time.

There are the rare individuals who will understand her situation but it depends on whether she's ready for that kind of company or feeling ready to open herself up to that again. Remember that it always takes two. Hope this helps.

Well for one thing, when you like someone you can over exaggerate everything and read into things. I'm not saying just you, everyone does it. And I do too. If you have a crush it's like every word they say to you and everything they do means something special. Maybe it actually doesn't. It's actually normal to be friendly to your neighbours. I loathe my next door neighbours coz they're bogan (trailer trash) wankers. But when I run into them I smile and have little chats. Because they own the place next door and my family owns my place, so I'll always run into them.

Regarding "Amy". I'm sure she knows you're into her. That would be obvious. You even had asked her to hang out at her apartment before. Which she turned down. If she liked you, why would you turn you down? She probably just likes your attention, mixed in with also trying to be friendly because she sees you all the time. She may like you to some extent but she may also not want to date a neighbour. Dating a neighbour is a bad idea because if it doesn't work out, you'll have to keep seeing them around. And that's very awkward. I basically have the same advice for you. Best not to date a neighbour lol

If you really want an honest answer from her though, you could ask her out and see what she says. I wouldn't ask her to be your date to the wedding though because that's too full-on. You would normally bring an actual partner to the wedding.

I am the exact same way with my neighbors. She is just friendly. Just not interested in really being real friends. Just good neighbors. I love my neighbor cuz she's awesome, but we don't hang out, and don't plan too, and totally okay with it. I think you just like her, and reading too much into things. It happens to many "Marys" they are kind, pretty, and have plenty on the hook and generally not intentionally.

Can you break this into paragraphs? A wall of text is hard to read for many of us.

Can you break this into paragraphs? A wall of text is hard to read for many of us.

I’m sorry :(

Don't worry. The edit window is 30 min. Anyway plenty of people responded.

I’m sorry :(

So I understand and thanks everyone for the advice. I will not ask her to go with me to the wedding. I will just say hi when i see her and keep it moving. But am I wrong to think that there wasn’t at least SOMETHING there at some point? I’m okay with know that and moving on. I just want to know what you all think because I feel like there was but I just wanted to ask smart people too.

People see what they want to see. And you dug her, cuz she's really nice and friendly. Maybe now you know, that's the trait you want in a person - outgoing and sweet.

So I understand and thanks everyone for the advice. I will not ask her to go with me to the wedding. I will just say hi when i see her and keep it moving. But am I wrong to think that there wasn’t at least SOMETHING there at some point? I’m okay with know that and moving on. I just want to know what you all think because I feel like there was but I just wanted to ask smart people too.

Look I know you really want there to be something and you want us to say the same. But I'm afraid there probably isn't enough interest on her part to actually go out with you. Or to at least try one date. I guarantee your interest in her would be fairly obvious. If not from your behaviour and body language, then from the fact that you've basically already asked her out twice. The first time you asked her to hang out just as friends, she actually declined. So that means two things - A) She’she not romantically interested in you and B) Maybe she's not interested in being atual friends either.

She may just be a friendly person and also someone who's just enjoying your attention. If she's divorced and hasn't really been with anyone since, maybe she just finds it nice to have a man interested in her. I don't think she is just shy or clueless. Even if she's a Christian, she was married before. So she's been with men, at least one man. She knowd what it's like to be in a relationship and be intimate and all that. She's not just some naive inexperienced girl who doesn't understand flirting and so on.

You could probably actually just ask her though if there is anything between you and if she wants to go out with you. Be very specific that it's romantic. You could literally say: "Do you want to go on a date?" Personally I find it difficult to get over a crush unless I actually have been directly rejected. Seems like maybe you're the same?

Okay well... I was trying to make sure I knew what a girl flirting with was also like. So I can tell if there was something there or not. Anyways I’m not going to pursue anything with her and I’ll shut down trying to be friends too. I’ll just say hi and bye from here on out. Thanks for everyone’s input.

Okay well... I was trying to make sure I knew what a girl flirting with was also like. So I can tell if there was something there or not. Anyways I’m not going to pursue anything with her and I’ll shut down trying to be friends too. I’ll just say hi and bye from here on out. Thanks for everyone’s input.

Well it's up to you how you want to proceed. You could ask her out on a date very directly. Then if she declines then you 100% know there is no point to pursue her. Don't go out of your way to be friendly or help her but if you see her, just say hi and brief polite chat. It's absolutely fine not to be all buddy buddy with her. Especially as no offense but she kinda seems to be leading you on. At first it may be hard if you keep seeing her around. But just start dating other women and if you find a woman you really like, you won't care about Amy. You just need to transfer your feelings to a different woman who actually likes you back.