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Thread: Mother's Relationship issues

  1. #11
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2008
    I would stay out of it, as your mom is a grown woman and its up to her who she wants to date.

    That being said, if she asks you, you tell her that she deserves better than to be with a married man.
    About the tracking device - tell her it broke your heart to see her abused and controlled by your dad and that she may not realize is, but she is trying to do the same thing to a man (control him). If you tell her on those terms --- that she deserves to be with a man who doesn't belong to another woman and that it hurts to see her considering abuse, it will be more effective than just saying no.

    But maybe really the only thing you can do is this" "you are a grown woman who can date who you like but i am letting you know now that I will never love or accept a man that you date who you are having an affair with behind his wife's back. I will not meet or accept a man who mistreats you. I won't even meet him. And if you talk about him i will change the subject." Set a boundary for yourself "if you are willing to throw your career away to track a man, i will not help you financially or emotionally afterwards. We will not be on speaking terms"

  2. #12
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
    Join Date
    Nov 2013
    Wilds of Texas
    Originally Posted by xMorningStarx
    Agreed. She kept it from me for a while and she knew I wouldn't approve. Still don't to a degree, and definetely not now due to how he's treating her.

    I'll bring that up to her. I haven't minced my words in regards to him and his actions, and told her that she needs to drop him as he's no good - regardless of how happy he previously made her. I haven't minced my words with her though. This is a woman who sacrificed so much to raise me, and it's hard for me to bring it up. I'll have a word with her.
    Telling her that he is bad for the umpteenth time is probably going to fall on death ears. So I'd shift the conversation to her and try to address the issues you see there as hard as that might be. Not in an accusatory tone of she is doing something bad, she knows, but rather in that you care about her and her well being and you don't want her self harming kind of way.

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2019
    My opinion is, if it were me being you, I wouldn't do anything. Your mother is a big girl and responsible for her own life, her decisions and choices. Let her navigate her personal life by herself. Don't meddle, intervene nor interfere. With all due respect, mind your own business. It's her life and whatever consequences she must face, is all her own doing.

    Once upon a time, I was in hero mode for my neighbor, cousin, friend, mother and sister. I don't do that anymore. Whenever there are any "waifs" in my life, I l don't rescue anyone. I let them live their own lives. Enforce healthy boundaries with everyone in your life including your mother.

    I would say this only ONE time: I'd remind her not to make herself financially vulnerable to him nor be taken financially advantage by him after she had worked so hard for 25 years to get to where she is. I'd also tell her that he's still married and if he's seeing your mother on the side, she will become his next victim and she too will be deceived and betrayed just like his wife. Beware. After that, back off. You've said your piece and no more. Be done with it and don't rehash it anymore.

  4. #14
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    I can put myself in her place. Divorced, dating and two young sons at home. Albiet you are an adult, this is your mom's journey and there are some difficult, yet very valuable lessons to learn here.
    I personally don't lean on my sons for my personal issues. It becomes somewhat of a role reversal where you'd be parenting your parent.
    Doesn't mean my way is the right way. Never the less, you can be there for her, but you can't make this better.
    For the matter, I don't get involved in my sons (who are now young adults) in their relationship business. It's been difficult to watch at times, but I figure I'd rather them learn these lessons now, rather than later. I've listened. I give advise when asked. But unless they are in serious danger, I support them by listening and let them figure things out on their own.


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