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Thread: Don't want to make a fool of myself again

  1. #1
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    Don't want to make a fool of myself again

    I found the You Tube Channel of a friend who I no longer have contact with on any level. I worked with her, We were good friends, I was toxic our friendship ended but we still worked together I got help left her alone (Unless something work related happened which was rarely) I don't know why maybe she saw me grow as a person and she told a mutual friend that she wanted to be friends with me again. I was both happy and scared. Happy that she saw me grow as a person but scared if we became friends again I would fall back again. I told the mutual friend that I have nothing but love for this person because by God putting her in my life I felt so blessed that I grew as a person, So anyway a few months later I got a transfer and I knew I was never going to see or hear from this person ever again (unless God has other plans) I thought about saying nothing but then I though no, This person was special to me and God blessed me by putting her in my life. So I gave her a little good bye ceremony. She had told me she wanted to be writer so I gave her a blank journal and wrote some inspirational things, I told her she was a blessing in her life. I gave her three ribbons two blue one pink, I said it was symbolic since I was not going to be around The pink was if she ever had a baby girl. The blue was for a baby blue and the last blue was if she ever got married and needed something blue. The final thing I gave her a pen which I had engraved with an acronym starting with her initials and the letters MJBYLYAKY GB which I told her was acronym for MAY JESUS BLESS YOU LOVE YOU AND KEEP YOU GOD BLESS. Saying goodbye like this made it so much easier to let go and I hope it did the same for her too, I am not saying I never think of her or I never miss her or that I never reflect back on my mistakes sometimes. But I just want her to be happy in her life, Anyway for some unknown reason I looked at her You Tube channel and I noticed she changed her profile pic (She had not posted in many years so I just assumed it was doormat) So an idea came into my head to wish her a happy birthday but how do I do this on a public forum and not embarass her (One of my toxic traits was that I did not respect social media boundaries to say the least. So how do I do this,My you tube channel does not have my name but she might be able to guess it was me For example I might wright something like For all those out there who like Michael Jackson and don't want to BEAT IT (The song) I would like to wish you all a very Happy birthday and for a special friend who because God put that person in my life I grew as a person May Your Silver (she turns 25) year and every year after bring you closer to your golden dreams. The end, My meaning is for it to be an eternal birthday wish,Kind of to let her know in a way that although our season in life is over, She is not forgotten. BUT I am torn about whether this is a good idea or not. Part of me says It is a great idea and might make her birthday a little bit special. and ANOTHER part of me says Leave it alone. The way you said goodbye was more than enough Thank You all in advance for taking the time and any opinions that will help me decide one way or the other,\

  2. #2
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    A few questions before commenting further:

    1) In which ways were you toxic in the friendship?

    2) In which ways did you not respect social media boundaries before?

    3) How did she respond to the parting gift you gave her years ago?

    4) How long has it been since you last had any contact with her?

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    If she hasn't reached out to you since then, don't approach her. You're coming across as a bit obsessed and scary. There are way too many gifts and the proclamations from God are over the top. I'm of Catholic background and still consider this my religion and culture. It's a big part of my life but I don't go around blessing everything or everyone I wish was in my life. Don't be that person.

    If you respect her, keep your distance and don't bother this person. Focus on yourself, enjoy this life.

    Wishing you peace.

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    I think your right. I just needed to write it out and get a different perspective. I never thought I would end on good terms with her after I was toxic with her, The fact that she saw me change my behavior and forgave me was a miracle of itself and enough Why ruin that Thank You.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Do you have a spiritual outlet or spiritual counselor at a local church? There are ways to get involved and do work with others who are likeminded or on a similar spiritual path. You seem like a caring person. It's just misdirected at the moment towards one person and focused a bit too much on this particular person.

    I'm a bit limited in my neighbourhood as the local parish is antiquated but something I've looked into recently are other parish programs taught or counseled and reading material I can order off of Amazon. There's lots to explore so don't feel limited to your local parish/church opportunities either or feel discouraged if the groups or communities offered are exclusive or not interesting to you. Don't be afraid to practice your faith and explore other ways to be connected or bring meaning to your life or others.

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    There is of course a whole lot more to my story that I left out but I left them out because I just wanted to focus on what I asked and just writing about it really helped as did any replies. The same way therapy made me realize some things when all this almost turned out very bad, (Someday I may post about it but not now) I realized something else in how I was wrong with all that birthday nonsense. I did that Goodbye ceremony my next to last day because I knew in my heart that it was best that we never speak to each other again. But I wanted her to know as best I could that I truly believe that God putting her in my life was a blessing. I told her that (and I am not going to here either now) I can't tell you what it is (I was afraid if I did I would undo it) But the best way I could describe it would be Imagine if someone you love was dying and all you want is for them to get better and then they do and then you win a million dollars. I did that the day before because my last day I wanted to say Goodbye to all my other co workers and I wanted it to be lighthearted and fun, But the very last thing and I asked her and a mutual friend who was a good friend to both of us when my obsessing almost ruined anything if I could walk her out and she said yes. When the time came to say Goodbye Forever, I made a corny joke about if she ever became famous author I am going to go and sing some corny work related song I made up about her. She and the mutual friend said they both had a feeling I would sing that song. I of course did it because I wanted my last moment with her to be light hearted and funny and also if I did not I was going to break down and I did not want that. Her ride was beeping the horn so I just gave her a quick hug She did not respond like the day before when she hugged me back. I am sure in time she will forget about me because she has so many people and places to meet and go she has not yet and if she does remember me I know that she is going to remember all the bad and the good about me. But I hope with the way we ended, I hope she more remembers me in a positive light as someone who truly loved her as a friend and cared for her. As for my whole birthday idea I agree that was over the top and too much but maybe asking our mutual friend to just wish her a plain Happy Birthday. And who knows maybe in 10-20 years we will meet again and she will tell me how great her life is and I will be so happy for her and I will tell her how my life got so much better over the years because of the blessing I received because God put her in my life. The truth is my whole experience both the good and the bad Humbled me to my core and I am so thankful and blessed and I like to think that despite my mistakes and wrongs and their is no denying that I believe that God truly saw that despite my flaws I had goodness in my heart and blessed me and I want him to bless her all the days of her life. Finally I said earlier I would not be surprised if someday she forgot me and that is okay but I will never forget her and she will always have a soft spot in my heart. P.S, A couple of things I forgot to add about the Goodbye, When I got my transfer notice a week before I told her I was leaving, She said to me, I am going to miss you and I then said You know I am not a hugger but on my last day I am going to give you a big hug and a kiss on the cheek and she gave me a huge smile like she did when we were friends before my obssessing scared her away and That made me feel so good inside.
    Last edited by Bobby23; 08-01-2020 at 11:30 AM.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Just mail her a birthday card. I think all of your ideas are bordering on creepy and I would not appreciate any type of msg on my youtube account or any other way that is public.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Bobby

    I could read your second wall n of text. It's helpfill and you're likely to get more responses with smaller paragraphs.

    That said, I did read the first post. why are you so consumed with this former friend?

    Can you just pray for her from afar?

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    Hi Before I go on, I think I said this before but if not I am not going to do anything, No happy birthday No nothing, I did the goodbye the way I described for two reasons I really feel that God put her as a blessing in my life (As I said earlier I may or may not someday post that story I just do not want to now because it would be overdoing it more than I already have) and 2 at the time I knew I would never speak or see her again on any social media platform. As much as I miss her it has to be this way for so many reasons. The birthday on You Tube idea no matter how anonymous it may have been was a bad idea. The good idea though that I learned from someone was to share my idea BEFORE I did something stupid, So that maybe someone would point out (And THANK YOU ALL) before I did something that blew up in my face as opposed to the past when I would write AFTER everything blew up in my place. I do admit that the Goodbye which I did not tell anyone could have blown up in my face and I even had doubts after despite how well it seemed to go off. I asked our mutual friend is she thought I made a mistake and She said No it was perfect as it was. So I leave it at that. Finally When I say I miss her, I do not mean I miss her like I want her back in my life. I do not. I learned the hard way last year because I did not let go when I should have, That when you really love someone you have to let them go. I am just thankful she saw me change as a person enough so she saw in her heart to forgive me and that I was able to tell her she was a blessing in my life. I will end now with this. When we were friends before things turned bad with me. She came to ask me and asked me a question, " Can you control who you like?" I said no I do not think so but I do think you can control HOW you like them, Little did I know that a year later I would do a horrible job. But thankful to groups like this, my therapist,some very close friends I can truly trust and a wonderful audio book I discovered indirectly as a result of Therapy called CONVERSATION WITH THE DEVIL BY NAPOLOLEAN HILL all I can say is I may not make all the right decisions but now I have the tools to make less disastrous decisions so THANK YOU ALL

  11. #10
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    Thank You I agree. It was a bad idea on my part.

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