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Thread: Don't want to make a fool of myself again

  1. #21
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    When I hit send on that last letter I felt so much better that my eternal birthday message for her is out there

  2. #22
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    Originally Posted by Bobby23
    When I hit send on that last letter I felt so much better that my eternal birthday message for her is out there
    Hi I apologize for not getting to the last part of my story. I will at some point, The thing is with me is I can be obssesive, I know it sounds retarded but after that last letter I really let go, Don't get me wrong I am still interested in learning about things whether it be my behavior or other people's behavior . Even though I feel that I have been blessed I am also very aware that I have a lot of stuff to work on and overcome. I don't know if I will get there but I am greatful for the chance to try to learn and grow

  3. #23
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    Hi. If I am reading your story correctly, you were going through a rough time in your marriage and made a connection with a co-worker. It doesn't seem like you were intending it to be anything more then a friendship. At your core you seem like a decent person who wants others to be happy and want to do nice things for people. So don't feel bad about that part.

    However, it seems you have the tendency to go overboard. Not everything needs to be a grand gesture with a lot of significance. Even in telling us the story, you've needed to break it in several parts with in depth detail and analysis. That probably can come across as obsessive and make people uncomfortable. I find it's best to keep to the KISS (Keep it simple, stupid) philosophy. If you want to leave a birthday message, simply say "happy birthday." Giving a journal to a writer is a perfect gift, it doesn't need three ribbons to symbolize future children or her getting married. Posting something cute to cheer her up when she is depressed is nice. But I'm guessing you did to much which is why she felt uncomfortable.

    It's the small, little things that often mean the most to people. A kind word or smile goes a long way. It sounds like you've learned from the experience and I wish you well in the future.

  4. #24
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    Yes that is pretty much it I never set out ti hurt anyone but that does not change the fact that I did. I do admit that the everything the goodbye may have been too much and was over the top. But I wanted the Goodbye to be as perfect as I could make it because I knew that it had to be the last time I was going to ever see or speak to her again, It was going to be a 100 percent cutoff for life. Thankfully it went well because it could have gone the other way, The whole birthday thing I wrote about was when I realized that that was the one thing I did not think of but thanks to me writing it here and the advice I got here made me realize that the goodbye I gave her though it was over the top was good enough and just leave it at that. Besides If she ever thinks back and remembers me she will of course remember the good and bad but I hope overall memory or good. Of course what I really want for her is that God blesses her with a wonderful life no matter how or if she remembers me at all...................The one thing I cannot figure out is how I have been blessed by this whole thing, Yes I believe that God saw what was in my heart. Yes I believe that God putting her in my life blessed my life (and I could not leave her life forever without letting her know that even though I went over the top.)..............What I cannot understand is why these two women forgave me and my life is so much better and as weird as this is to say, I do not believe that my life would have gotten better if these things did not happen. I mean my it made my wife acknowledge her emotional abuse to me. That this does not change the fact that whether I meant to or not, whether I meant no harm to anyone or that I had good intentions. It does not change the fact that I had an emotional connection with a woman young enough to be my daughter, Maybe her realization of how she treated me gave her what she needed to forgive me BUT I cannot use it as an excuse because if I did I will not and cannot grow as a person, As of today I have made a lot of improvements BUT there are also hurdles that I still need to overcome, I do not know if I will but I know I am going to try my best. As for my former friend I had to work in the same area with her after things hit rock bottom, I avoided all contact her (unless work required it and in the rare times I had to I was 100% professional and got away from her as fast as I could to forgive me. I mean in a letter I wrote her when I was in my bad state I told her I went from someone that you saw as a kind caring friend to an annoying friend and a pest. So after finally getting rid of me and me having to hit rock bottom before giving up and leaving her alone actually want to forgive me and want to renew our friendship and as I said elsewhere in one of my posts I was happy she forgave me but for me renewing the friendship was out of the question which is also ironic because when I was falling apart and annoying her it was because I was desperate to keep the friendship. All I know is I am humbled to the core that I have been so blessed but I know it could very easily gone very wrong. I never want to go through that again and hurt people I care about. So I am both trying to improve and learn from what happened overall as best I can. Thank You.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Bobby23
    What I cannot understand is why these two women forgave me and my life is so much better and as weird as this is to say, I do not believe that my life would have gotten better if these things did not happen.... As of today I have made a lot of improvements BUT there are also hurdles that I still need to overcome, I do not know if I will but I know I am going to try my best.... I never want to go through that again and hurt people I care about. So I am both trying to improve and learn from what happened overall as best I can.
    Everything happens for a reason. But it's up to use to determine what that reason is. We all go through trials and tribulations, do things we regret, have moments that affect who we are deep down. It takes strength and character to admit a mistake and even more to learn from it. We can't change the past, but we can use it to make a better future. Sounds like you are doing just that. There are always hurdles and days we don't live up to our goals. But as long as you are trying your best, that's what matters most.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by FenixReborn
    We all go through trials and tribulations, do things we regret, have moments that affect who we are deep down. It takes strength and character to admit a mistake and even more to learn from it. We can't change the past, but we can use it to make a better future. Sounds like you are doing just that. There are always hurdles and days we don't live up to our goals. But as long as you are trying your best, that's what matters most.
    I agree.

    I'm only partway through your posts, but from what I can see, it sounds like you are operating from a genuinely good place. You're not trying to hurt anyone.

    Unfortunately, that often doesn't come through in the way that you present yourself. Sometimes, you get carried away with your feelings. I'm glad you're going to therapy, and I think it's good that you posted your birthday idea here before you went through with it! The anonymous statement that you posted on 8/10 was a way better idea.

    I'm glad you talked to your wife, that she was receptive, and that this whole situation seems to have brought the two of you closer. But I don't think that Jenny would understand or appreciate her inadvertent contribution to this. So, I think it's best that you simply be grateful for the blessing and keep it to yourself.
    Last edited by Jibralta; 09-09-2020 at 02:58 PM.

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