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Thread: Don't want to make a fool of myself again

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    How did things turn bad?
    Originally Posted by Bobby23
    When we were friends before things turned bad with me.

  2. #12
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    Here is a brief description of my story. In other words I am not going into details (that would take too long) Also if it seems I am trying to deflect blame I am not I AM AT FAULT it is the ONLY way I was able to learn and grow (and I am still learning as you saw by my bad idea) and . 1, PRE STORY.One day maybe months before I ever Met this girl at work I just said one day to no one I can't feel. Nothing made me sad or happy. My wife and I who I loved drifted apart and she was emotionally abusive (Which I caused because I was lazy and obsessed with sports and did not do my fair share, I also do not deal well with yelling so she would call me all sorts of names and tell me to kill myself and for the most part I just stayed quiet because if I fueled her it would just get worse when I spoke. I met Jenny (not her real name if course in 2017 at first she was just another young co worker, who I helped when asked like anyone else, There was NO friendship at this time At the same time (and this is important because the timeline is part of why I believe she was a blessing. I got word that I was going to be transfered close to home. I was happy but then someone else with more seniority had a grievance and got it. Very soon after She came to talk to me (as others had done before and since because I listen) But this was different in some way because what she said to me like how she was picked on, Reminded me so much of myself when I was her age. (Before I go on I want to make this VERY CLEAR, No matter how much my feelings developed for this girl I would NEVER act upon them other than being overly nice because in no particular order 1 I am married. 2. Our age difference. 3 I came to care for her and doing anything like that would have meant I did not really care for her and that I did not love her as a friend which I did) Now back to the story. As I said my heart went out to her and she would ask me things and come to talk to me about things I had no clue for like her nails but I liked it., I even bought her a cake for her birthday which felt right at the time but I since realized was way over the line, My friend almost talked me out of it When he asked, Aren't you afraid she will catch feeling and I said No (If I even thought for a second that she felt the same about me I NEVER would have done that because of the reasons I stated) I told my friend No, I am so much older and dress like a slob, What young girl would be attracted to someone like that? He said Your right, I was just enjoying being nice to someone. After that though I was going to back off, Then on Valentine's day she posted she was depresses and I was stuck in an airport and posted a lot to cheer her up on her wall, Anyway I noticed her being more distant from me and I noticed she restricted me on facebook. This is where I fell apart I was so horrified that I made her feel so bad about me that I made it worse by overwriting and apologizing on social.media. The end to this part of the story was when I asked to speak to her and she asked a friend to tell me to leave her alone. I was now of course scared and my friend told me that she did not want to do that but if I did not leave her alone. She was going too. I of course promised that I would. I thought I hit rock bottom that day. I WAS SO WRONG!!! (The bottom was coming fast) END OF THIS PART

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Was this an affair?
    Originally Posted by Bobby23
    1 I am married. 2. Our age difference.

  4. #14
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    ROCK BOTTOM That weekend I told my wife the whole thing. She threatened to write the girl's mother (and later did although she never got a response) In short she was very hurt and upset (Which made me feel horrible because I thought she had stopped loving me because we had not had sex in 7 years (Yes I had erectile dysfunctions that were physical but her yelling at me about that made it worse) Anyway she was going to leave me and the fact I worked with the girl just made things worse. She accused me of something I never heard of before called an Emotional Affair. Then a few days later came THE MIRACLE. A few days later she came to me and said that she talked to her sister about no sex for 7 years and her emotional abuse toward me and she decided to forgive me (This does not excuse my actions just as anything I did does not justify her emotional abuse) We agreed that I would stay at work and not deal with her unless I had to for work and that I would go to therapy which I did. The Miracle part was not that my wife gave me another chance but that I got her back in a better more loving way I had given up on. The best way I can describe it is Imagine someone you love is dying and then they recover and then you win a million dollars END OF THIS PART

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    THE ROAD TO RECOVERY. REALIZATION AND HUMBLED TO THE CORE. So I went to therapy I stayed away from the girl. Things were getting better with my wife but of course because I worked with her My wife would always have that fear. Anyway in Therapy we talked about many things the girl and any thing in my behavior. Then one day while talking in therapy I realized that God had used this girl as a blessing in my life. Which was funny because I thought because I was older I thought I could be a blessing in her life. But I had no intention of ever speaking to her or telling her. At work she stayed away from me, I stayed away from her. There was one day when we passed each other going to the bathroom and we both turned away from each other. That was the only day I felt really sad at what I caused because we both really liked each other. As for the blessing The reason I felt that way was because I got my wife back in a way I had never thought possibe. I honestly thought and still do that God sent her into my life, that I would like but at the same time I would not start anything romantic with. During this time My therapist and I talked about Subconsious to find out why I acted the way that I did. Soon after while looking for stuff on You Tube an audio book CONVERSATION WITH THE DEVIL caught my eye. I listened loved the book and to my shock they talked about the Subconcsious mind As I listened to the book I did think If Jenny and I were still friends I would tell her about it because I honestly feel that book can be a positive in her or anyone's life END OF THIS PART

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    THE FINAL PART WHICH I AM NOT READY TO WRITE because I dont have time or the words right now is SURGERY AND GOODBYE FOREVER

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Is this a journal?
    Originally Posted by Bobby23
    THE FINAL PART WHICH I AM NOT READY TO WRITE because I dont have time or the words right now is SURGERY AND GOODBYE FOREVER

  9. #18
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    No as I said I would NEVER make any sexual advances. If it was anything it was an emotional affair. Which I never heard of and the more I learned I am not sure if what I had was an emotional affair,obsession or both, I never talked bad about my wife to the girl (with one exception which I will get to) I was very complimentary and even shared with her something nice I was going to do, As for the one time My wife broke my trust and I wrote her but I did not do it to bash my wife but to give her a lesson she could learn from someday in her life. As for any affair. If I was not married and our ages were closer. Yes I would have been interested in more. But because of the reasons of age and marriage that was not going to happen and also I really loved her as a friend (that was all I could give) and if I pursued anything more than that it would mean to me that I really did not care before because if I had I would have ended up hurting her. What I think happened though is the way I acted made her think I was falling in love with her and she backed away and maybe if I had realized that at the time. I could have avoided causing so much grief

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    No I just broke it in parts to make it easier for the reader. The next part is the last part

  11. #20
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    (NOTE This is NOT part of the story I had yesterday) The difference between regretting how I did things (like last year) amd Thank God I did not do that (like now for the most part) Today is her birthday and I had a revelation, Thank God I did not do my idea. You see when I said Goodbye to her I did it because I truly felt God used her as a blessing in my life (not that she did anything one way or the other she was just herself) and I knew that both of us needed to leave each others lives. So because it was goodbye forever I wanted to cover all the bases. Our mutual friend was also there for support. When I started Jenny said, "Your eyes are watering please stop, I said to her I need to do this,, Can I please continue, (If she had said No I would have stopped no questions but she said okay) One of the things she told me when we were friends was how she wanted to be a writer, So I got her a blank journal and Wrote something inspirational and funny, Like Hi I am your journal Use me however you like, But I think that you can write great things. or How when I see your book on the shelves One day I am going to be so happy for you. I told her that I thought I was supposed to be a blessing in her life but only after I lost you as a friend I realized God used you to bless my life. I then took 3 ribbons, 2 Blue, 1 pink and I said, I know this is just symbolic But the pink ribbon is for is you ever have a baby girl someday,gave her a blue ribbon and said the same thing for a boy and the last blue ribbon I said Well in case you need something blue when you got married someday, Then I said, When you sign your first book deal use this pen (A few moths ago I gave my wife and aunt a pen a pen with acronym prayer (First letter represents a word) My Aunt loved it, My wife appreciated it but not her cup of tea) So I gave Jenny one, I said can you guess what it means? She said I know the first two letters (Her initials) and I told her the rest which was May Jesus Bless You Love You and Keep You God Bless) We hugged and that was pretty much it. Now was I wrong to do that? Yes One one hand because simply talking to her was wrong but I could not ignore that I believe she was a blessing in my life. 2 I truly believed it would help her let go of any negative feelings she had of me and make it easier for her to let go and move on. (bye the way I honestly have no idea as to why she forgave me after it got to the point of her almost going to HR on me I can speculate and say she saw I was leaving her alone and moving on but I will never know). As for me. Well it was to help me move on, You see I was never going to see or have any communication with her BUT I wanted to let go of her in my mind. Now I know reading these posts You are going to think THAT DID NOT HAPPEN. But it did at first I felt all that stuff from the past fall away so to speak. I am not saying I never thought about the whole thing but I was not obssessing. That is until her birthday and I realized that was the one thing I forgot to do and I had that crazy idea. So What I am not going to do is write some annonymous message on her You Tube or Some twitter (well there I would not have had to be annonymous) that she had not used in YEARS and even though it seems ok and I don't see anything wrong with it I am still not going to ask our mutual friend at my old job just to wish her Happy Birthday. What I am going to do is put my eternal birthday wish for her out into the universe so to speak. She will probably never see it and even if she reads this She will probably never know it is about her and THAT IS OKAY. One thing I am going to use her real first intitial but not her real name for obvious reasons on a public forum. Okay here is the message to my former friend and yes it will be in all Caps for emphasis to the universe. HAPPY BIRTHDAY S MAY YOUR SILVER YEAR AND EVERY YEAR AFTER BRING YOU CLOSER TO YOUR GOLDEN DREAMS! (The silver is because She is 25) I wish I had thought of the eternal birthday wish when I said goodbye and it would not have mattered that the day I said goodbye was not her birthday because it is an eternal birthday wish. Anyway I know to a lot of you what you just read probably sound foolish and riduculous and that is okay. But to me it is not. Thank You all and I will post the last part of my story at some point

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