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Thread: When do we stop dating others?

  1. #1
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    When do we stop dating others?

    So Im out here once again navigating the dating world trying to get things right! I met a wonderful guy who Ive been seeing for the past two months. On our second date be both said we were looking for a relationship. Weve been meeting up consistently every weekend except this upcoming weekend due to a trip hell be taking with friends. I think things have been going really well. Weve been actually going on some fun dates within this time frame, hiking, out to eat and I even got to meet some of his friends. Hes casually mentioned that hes been talking to his step father about me. When were together he always makes me feel very desired and cared for. My question is ..would it be appropriate for me to broach the subject of whether or not hes dating others? Where does he see this going? There are times when well kiss and he says I want you, but . Im thinking of maybe asking him In what ways? Or something along those lines. Is it too soon? Should I not even bring up the topic to him? Getting Ready for a First Date

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Keep it simple. No crystal ball questions, no insecurities. Simply have the exclusive talk if you are intimate.

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    How do you suggest I start the exclusive talk? Also do you think its ok for me to do that? Or should I wait for him to bring it up?

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    Platinum Member SarahLancaster's Avatar
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    After two months, I think it's ok for you to bring it up.

    "Are you looking for us to be exclusive or are you dating others?"

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    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    How do you suggest I start the exclusive talk? Also do you think its ok for me to do that? Or should I wait for him to bring it up?
    Personally, I wait until the time I consider becoming intimate with someone. Exclusivity matters (to me) when I am having sex with someone. Until then, we are just dating.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    I don't think there's any science to this so much as the science you create together, or try to.

    That said, I certainly think 2 months is a solid time frame in which to start talking about that. Heck, two days or two weeks is solid, if that's your jam. But I wouldn't make it a passive thing, along the lines of "In what way?" but rather an active thing, where you express your feelings clearly in a way that gives him a platform to do the same.

    So, what are those feelings? Putting him to the side for a moment, do you want to be in an exclusive relationship with him, at this moment? That's different than wanting him to be in an exclusive relationship with you. Personally, I'm a big believer that we find balance in knowing our own feelings, so we can share them, rather than getting lost in the maze of another's.

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    Thank you! This answer gives me a lot of clarity. I really dislike having to be the one to bring up the exclusive talk. At this point I really do enjoy his company and would like to be in a relationship. We definitely have a lot of moments where we talk about the things we like in each other, so thatd be a nice start.

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    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by mayflower165
    I really dislike having to be the one to bring up the exclusive talk.
    Is there a human on the planet who likes bringing this stuff up? I've yet to meet one.

    Recalling past threads, you have a child? I ask because I think it makes this business tricky on both sides. That said, I don't see anything "heavy" in letting him know that you've realized you've reached the point where (a) you're very excited about things and (b) in order to keep indulging in that excitement you need to know if he's on the same page as you, which is wanting this to be a romance that is being explored exclusively. Then you listen to how he responds, and how his response lands on your gut, and go from there.

    My girlfriend and I had a few of those moments on the pathway to the big label of bf/gf. They could have been unfortunate, though if they were? Well, it would have told us each things we needed to know, if not so sweet to digest. The fact that they weren't unfortunate, but just kind of sweet and vulnerablewell, that was equally important information, you know? Either way, it removed the guess work.

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    just stop seeing other people. You like him - so don't accept other dates from others.
    I would not bring up the exclusive talk with someone unless they have been clear that they are dating others.
    He is looking for a relationship - he was very upfront about it - and has seen you so often that there is no time to see anyone else.
    We never had an exclusive talk. And here we are how many years later.

    its only been 8 weeks, don't bring up "commitment" as in "the talk". just ask questions - does he see himself living in this area permanetly, does he see himself having kids, etc...

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    here are times when well kiss and he says I want you, but . Im thinking of maybe asking him In what ways? Or something along those lines. Is it too soon? Should I not even bring up the topic to him?

    That sounds like he wants you nekkid.

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