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Thread: Ex is clearly happy why canít I be?

  1. #1

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    Ex is clearly happy why canít I be?

    My story is long and truly feels like a nightmare I canít wake up from. Itís been 2 months NC on my part because we were on the same phone plan but Iím off it now BUT 5 months since I saw him. Iím 30F and heís 32 M. My ex and I were together for almost 6 years and lived together with 2 dogs. The plan was to get married he always used to say he couldnít wait to call me his wife. Last August 2019 things started to get weird like he stopped sharing his location, disappeared every other weekend saying he was depressed and needed time to himself but would never answer his phone. At the time he was working for my uncleís company mind you and I had a huge gut feeling he was cheating on me with the 19yr old receptionist. Once I confronted and he got so angry started punching walls I swear veins were popping out and made it feel like i was insane for asking such a question. If I went into detail for all the and pain I went through over the weekends he would take off I could write a novel. One example I rented a beach condo for his bday and got him all these nice presents. He said he would come to the condo after work. I was already there, he kept texting me oh this came up or that came up Iíll try to be there. He never showed leaving me in tears and had my mom come to be with me. I confronted him numerous times that the door was right there but I canít keep doing this and he would say no I love you so much I want to marry you I have a plan for the engagement Iím just mentally going through stuff. Well around November I moved in with my parents for a little bc the disappearing kept happening. We planned date nights to reconnect which went so well. He got me beautiful earrings for Xmas. I have him space and started doing things for myself. First week in Jan he says he missed me so much and wants me to move back in. We were inseparable that week and no fights really was like old times (we really were each otherís best friends). Well after the week of bliss on a Friday he was going to work. We had sex but it was so disconnected it felt so weird it wasnít good and I had a bad feeling. That night he would never give me a straight answer of if he was coming home and I knew he was abt to disappear. I stopped responding to his texts he said I love you blah blah. Next day he blocked me and never came back. Come February he emails me saying he needs to talk to me. We go to lunch and I cry tell me how hurt I am and confront him if he is with the receptionist he says no I never cheated I love you so much j want a family with you Iíll do everything to prove to you that Iím trustworthy. So we planned dates throughout the week he came to them we texted and talked on the phone everyday. And then poof ghosted me again. Havenít heard from him except two months ago abt the phone. Stupidly I looked at fb and he lives with the receptionist who has a daughter with another man also her family was at his familyís lake house one weekend with his family which ripped my heart out. She has a job but my ex got fired in Feb (he was not doing what he was supposed to) so heís living off her. So Iím sitting here crying and heís ing someone happy as a clam. I decided I canít feel sorry for myself and I forgive him which I do bc I do want him to be happy I never wished him ill. I just miss the person I knew and I am thankful for everything good from our relationship. Itís just hard to be thrown out like garbage. Also he deleted all social media and cut off ALL contact from his friends like even childhood friends. Itís just weird. I just hope I find love with one even better.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. Did he expect you to watch the dogs when he went away weekends? Good you moved out

  3. #3

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    Thank you. One of the dogs passed in Xmas which we we together when it happened. The other dog we got together but he wants nothing to do with her so luckily sheís all mine, the only good to come out of this. But yes I had to watch the dogs when he disappeared.

  4. #4
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    It hurts, but understand that the man she "has" now is a complete loser.

    He lies, cheats, is disrespectful, has an anger-management problem, toys with women to his heart's content. Wowee, lucky her!

    Let her keep him. You can do so much better than this.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    It hurts. I'm sorry. And I understand what you mean.

    People are what they are. They handle things the best they can. Shutting you out, going silent, all that kind of stuff says a lot about him.

    Not about you.

    He cant deal with feelings, emotions, challenges like you deserve in a partner. When someone leaves us like this we wonder- what did I do? why did i deserve this?

    But you didn't. he couldn't do better. Let her have him. he will leave her the same way... When you are with someone and its good that is great. but when things get rough, thats when you really see what they are made off and who they really are.

  7. #6
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    Unfortunately, this is the real him. This guy is a lying, cheating, lazy bum! Not husband or father material.

    On your part, this went on way too long. After the second disappearance you should have split up. His actions were completely unacceptable. Look at people's action, and not their words. This should have been done lone ago.

    You are lucky to be rid of him!
    Last edited by Hollyj; 07-29-2020 at 10:35 AM.

  8. #7

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    Thank you these words really help. I know I am better off I just keep thinking of the good memories but I need to stop. There a lot of bad and heís lied about so much. I found out he went to jail he told me a year ago and he never finished college. I guess I never knew the true him

  9. #8
    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    You re so lucky this is over and he's not your problem anymore. He's a liar and a cheat and who needs that? Nobody. Quit crying, thank your lucky stars you dont have to deal with him anymore.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    What you miss is the illusion, the fantasy of who you thought he is. What you need to do is face up to reality - he is a lying, cheating, backstabbing, violent (punching walls), lazy, unemployed user. A disordered pos.

    I know it doesn't feel like it, but you dodged a nightmare and you are lucky that you didn't get married. All the other woman got is a cheating loser and you know what they say about that.....how she got him is how she'll lose him. There is a side chic vacancy there and he will fill that.

    As for happiness....OP....disordered people are not capable of happiness, that goes for both him and the ho he shacked up with. Sane happy people don't cheat, lie, sneak around, help someone in a relationship cheat, etc. Do you think these people can ever trust each other? They both know what they are capable of, so you can rest assured that behind closed doors their "relationship" is a complete nightmare, forever looking over their shoulder wondering when one of them will be cheating again and it will happen. Cheaters are not happy people, never were, never will be.

    Please wash your hands off these slimes and focus on moving on to a great life. There are plenty of men out there who would be genuinely good to you and want a life with you for real. Meanwhile lean on your family and friends for support and always trust your instincts - they've proven you right and you should have kicked this loser out long ago instead of trying to save the relationship. Sometimes, it's not worth saving, he is not worth having and never was.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Learn to separate your version of things from the reality of what it was.

    Those good memories that you have are yours and yours alone so right now while you feel the ground is shifting under you and your reality is confusing, just know that you do not actually have to give up those good memories. I think it's important that you understand that so that you don't continue to self-pity, second guess yourself and feel bad about the whole ordeal. You can know him exactly as he is and what he's shown himself to be and still preserve the good memories from early on in the relationship. Move forwards with your integrity/confidence intact and your memories too.

    Pick yourself up off the ground and know that there are better things for you out there. As the saying goes - when one door closes...

    I hope as things start to settle you realize you're worth a lot more than this situation and this relationship will not define you. It takes time.

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