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Ex is clearly happy why can’t I be?


JR1990

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My story is long and truly feels like a nightmare I can’t wake up from. It’s been 2 months NC on my part because we were on the same phone plan but I’m off it now BUT 5 months since I saw him. I’m 30F and he’s 32 M. My ex and I were together for almost 6 years and lived together with 2 dogs. The plan was to get married he always used to say he couldn’t wait to call me his wife. Last August 2019 things started to get weird like he stopped sharing his location, disappeared every other weekend saying he was depressed and needed time to himself but would never answer his phone. At the time he was working for my uncle’s company mind you and I had a huge gut feeling he was cheating on me with the 19yr old receptionist. Once I confronted and he got so angry started punching walls I swear veins were popping out and made it feel like i was insane for asking such a question. If I went into detail for all the and pain I went through over the weekends he would take off I could write a novel. One example I rented a beach condo for his bday and got him all these nice presents. He said he would come to the condo after work. I was already there, he kept texting me oh this came up or that came up I’ll try to be there. He never showed leaving me in tears and had my mom come to be with me. I confronted him numerous times that the door was right there but I can’t keep doing this and he would say no I love you so much I want to marry you I have a plan for the engagement I’m just mentally going through stuff. Well around November I moved in with my parents for a little bc the disappearing kept happening. We planned date nights to reconnect which went so well. He got me beautiful earrings for Xmas. I have him space and started doing things for myself. First week in Jan he says he missed me so much and wants me to move back in. We were inseparable that week and no fights really was like old times (we really were each other’s best friends). Well after the week of bliss on a Friday he was going to work. We had sex but it was so disconnected it felt so weird it wasn’t good and I had a bad feeling. That night he would never give me a straight answer of if he was coming home and I knew he was abt to disappear. I stopped responding to his texts he said I love you blah blah. Next day he blocked me and never came back. Come February he emails me saying he needs to talk to me. We go to lunch and I cry tell me how hurt I am and confront him if he is with the receptionist he says no I never cheated I love you so much j want a family with you I’ll do everything to prove to you that I’m trustworthy. So we planned dates throughout the week he came to them we texted and talked on the phone everyday. And then poof ghosted me again. Haven’t heard from him except two months ago abt the phone. Stupidly I looked at fb and he lives with the receptionist who has a daughter with another man also her family was at his family’s lake house one weekend with his family which ripped my heart out. She has a job but my ex got fired in Feb (he was not doing what he was supposed to) so he’s living off her. So I’m sitting here crying and he’s ing someone happy as a clam. I decided I can’t feel sorry for myself and I forgive him which I do bc I do want him to be happy I never wished him ill. I just miss the person I knew and I am thankful for everything good from our relationship. It’s just hard to be thrown out like garbage. Also he deleted all social media and cut off ALL contact from his friends like even childhood friends. It’s just weird. I just hope I find love with one even better.

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Thank you. One of the dogs passed in Xmas which we we together when it happened. The other dog we got together but he wants nothing to do with her so luckily she’s all mine, the only good to come out of this. But yes I had to watch the dogs when he disappeared.

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It hurts. I'm sorry. And I understand what you mean.

 

People are what they are. They handle things the best they can. Shutting you out, going silent, all that kind of stuff says a lot about him.

 

Not about you.

 

He cant deal with feelings, emotions, challenges like you deserve in a partner. When someone leaves us like this we wonder- what did I do? why did i deserve this?

 

But you didn't. he couldn't do better. Let her have him. he will leave her the same way... When you are with someone and its good that is great. but when things get rough, thats when you really see what they are made off and who they really are.

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Unfortunately, this is the real him. This guy is a lying, cheating, lazy bum! Not husband or father material.

 

On your part, this went on way too long. After the second disappearance you should have split up. His actions were completely unacceptable. Look at people's action, and not their words. This should have been done lone ago.

 

You are lucky to be rid of him!

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Thank you these words really help. I know I am better off I just keep thinking of the good memories but I need to stop. There a lot of bad and he’s lied about so much. I found out he went to jail he told me a year ago and he never finished college. I guess I never knew the true him

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What you miss is the illusion, the fantasy of who you thought he is. What you need to do is face up to reality - he is a lying, cheating, backstabbing, violent (punching walls), lazy, unemployed user. A disordered pos.

 

I know it doesn't feel like it, but you dodged a nightmare and you are lucky that you didn't get married. All the other woman got is a cheating loser and you know what they say about that.....how she got him is how she'll lose him. There is a side chic vacancy there and he will fill that.

 

As for happiness....OP....disordered people are not capable of happiness, that goes for both him and the ho he shacked up with. Sane happy people don't cheat, lie, sneak around, help someone in a relationship cheat, etc. Do you think these people can ever trust each other? They both know what they are capable of, so you can rest assured that behind closed doors their "relationship" is a complete nightmare, forever looking over their shoulder wondering when one of them will be cheating again and it will happen. Cheaters are not happy people, never were, never will be.

 

Please wash your hands off these slimes and focus on moving on to a great life. There are plenty of men out there who would be genuinely good to you and want a life with you for real. Meanwhile lean on your family and friends for support and always trust your instincts - they've proven you right and you should have kicked this loser out long ago instead of trying to save the relationship. Sometimes, it's not worth saving, he is not worth having and never was.

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Learn to separate your version of things from the reality of what it was.

 

Those good memories that you have are yours and yours alone so right now while you feel the ground is shifting under you and your reality is confusing, just know that you do not actually have to give up those good memories. I think it's important that you understand that so that you don't continue to self-pity, second guess yourself and feel bad about the whole ordeal. You can know him exactly as he is and what he's shown himself to be and still preserve the good memories from early on in the relationship. Move forwards with your integrity/confidence intact and your memories too.

 

Pick yourself up off the ground and know that there are better things for you out there. As the saying goes - when one door closes...

 

I hope as things start to settle you realize you're worth a lot more than this situation and this relationship will not define you. It takes time.

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What you miss is the illusion, the fantasy of who you thought he is. What you need to do is face up to reality - he is a lying, cheating, backstabbing, violent (punching walls), lazy, unemployed user. A disordered pos.

 

I know it doesn't feel like it, but you dodged a nightmare and you are lucky that you didn't get married. All the other woman got is a cheating loser and you know what they say about that.....how she got him is how she'll lose him. There is a side chic vacancy there and he will fill that.

 

As for happiness....OP....disordered people are not capable of happiness, that goes for both him and the ho he shacked up with. Sane happy people don't cheat, lie, sneak around, help someone in a relationship cheat, etc. Do you think these people can ever trust each other? They both know what they are capable of, so you can rest assured that behind closed doors their "relationship" is a complete nightmare, forever looking over their shoulder wondering when one of them will be cheating again and it will happen. Cheaters are not happy people, never were, never will be.

 

Please wash your hands off these slimes and focus on moving on to a great life. There are plenty of men out there who would be genuinely good to you and want a life with you for real. Meanwhile lean on your family and friends for support and always trust your instincts - they've proven you right and you should have kicked this loser out long ago instead of trying to save the relationship. Sometimes, it's not worth saving, he is not worth having and never was.

 

 

 

THANK YOU! You made me chuckle because you it really is so ridiculous that I’m hung up on this illusion. They can be happy together living among lies and deceit! Thank you for all the encouraging words

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Learn to separate your version of things from the reality of what it was.

 

Those good memories that you have are yours and yours alone so right now while you feel the ground is shifting under you and your reality is confusing, just know that you do not actually have to give up those good memories. I think it's important that you understand that so that you don't continue to self-pity, second guess yourself and feel bad about the whole ordeal. You can know him exactly as he is and what he's shown himself to be and still preserve the good memories from early on in the relationship. Move forwards with your integrity/confidence intact and your memories too.

 

Pick yourself up off the ground and know that there are better things for you out there. As the saying goes - when one door closes...

 

I hope as things start to settle you realize you're worth a lot more than this situation and this relationship will not define you. It takes time.

 

 

Thank you thank you. Posting my story and reading all the replies helps more than you know! I appreciate it.

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I have lived pretty much this scenerio.

My ex was always "working late" during the week & on weekends.

I found emails, he was having an affair with his 19yr old PA. She was married as well.

I threw him out, raised my children alone....best decision I ever made.

They married, she ended up cheating with her new boss LOLOL Karma is amazing.

 

Dont look back. Block him on everything. It is so hard at the beginning, but he did you a huge favour.

 

You deserve someone so much better than him, good luck

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I have lived pretty much this scenerio.

My ex was always "working late" during the week & on weekends.

I found emails, he was having an affair with his 19yr old PA. She was married as well.

I threw him out, raised my children alone....best decision I ever made.

They married, she ended up cheating with her new boss LOLOL Karma is amazing.

 

Dont look back. Block him on everything. It is so hard at the beginning, but he did you a huge favour.

 

You deserve someone so much better than him, good luck

 

 

I am so sorry this happened to you and I’m so glad to hear that karma came back to him. I’m also so happy to know you made it through being so much better off! I really am getting better by the day. It’s just all a mental thing like I keep thinking of them together and then I have to take a moment to thank God for all that I do have. Thank you for sharing this it really helps :)

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