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Thread: He's gone silent on me, did I came out too strong ? I think I ruined it

  1. #1
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
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    He's gone silent on me, did I came out too strong ? I think I ruined it

    On June 27th I noticed few random request from people i don't know but share mutual friend. I accepted them all and one of them was guy who immediately messaged me and say hi. I asked him if we know each other and he says no but I look very familiar. To make a long story short we have been chatting here and there. He casually suggested we meet up to get to know each other couple times but there haven't been concrete plans set. I have asked him what he wants to do on our first meeting and he says whatever i'm down for he is okay with it. Well i couldn't think of much to do since most places are closed due to covid-19 lock down. so he says we can watch TV or movie at his house since there isn't much for us to do outdoors. Well i'm not comfortable with that so i I told him our first meeting has to be in public and he was like ok sure.

    So finally i came up with idea of us going for walk in the downtown area in my city and look at measums and stuff and i texted him to let him know that we can do that instead. He didn't respond. Then i sent him a text message basically letting him now my expectations to make sure we are on the same page. I basically said the person i have to get to know has to be 100% single, no girlfriend or wife. And they have to be willing to meet in public while getting to know them. He never responded and i haven't heard from him since. should i take his silence as a NO

  2. #2
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    should i take his silence as a NO
    I'm not sure how else you can take it, sadly.

    That said, I wouldn't go into a vortex of self-blame over this. Only thing I'd say is that there's really no need to give someone the whole rundown of why you asked to meet in public, since it's pretty sensible math that's understandable to sensible adults. That he showed no interest in that when you suggested it, I think, was the moment to realize there wasn't really anything here to "ruin" since there wasn't really anything here you wanted.

    The guy you want to meet up with is a guy who says "A walk sounds great—how's Wednesday?" There are loads of them on the planet. This man, however, has done you the early favor of showing you that he is not one of them. Let him keep searching for the pixilated stranger who wants to rush over for some Netflix, while you keep searching for someone who digs an afternoon walk as a way to make meeting stranger feel less strange.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    It sounds like you dodged a bullet.

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    Gold Member waffle's Avatar
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    So he suggests a meeting but has no plan and relies on you to take that over . . . and then with a lack of options suggests his place (at least he didn't invite himself over to your place!), and you think YOU ruined it???

    He was just looking for a quick and easy piece. Bye.

    I would've probably skipped this, though:
    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    I basically said the person i have to get to know has to be 100% single, no girlfriend or wife.
    Did you have reason to think he's not single?

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  6. #5
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
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    [QUOTE=


    Did you have reason to think he's not single?[/QUOTE]

    No but just because he pursued me doesn't mean he's single. I've had alot of attached men pursue me so that's why I always make sure to ask from the get go because some will just say, you never asked

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Are you sure the mutual friends actually know him?

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    He was looking to get laid when he wanted you to go to his place.

    Surely it would be easy to come up with the idea of 2 take out coffees and a walk in the park.

    I think you dodged a bullet, too.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Try to scale back on accepting random people on your social media . Block this guy.

  10. #9
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    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    And they have to be willing to meet in public while getting to know them. He never responded and i haven't heard from him since. should i take his silence as a NO
    Exactly. His silence is a no.

    He wanted you to come over so you could have sex. When he saw you (wisely!) were uncomfortable with that, he lost interest. You didn't "ruin" anything; this was never going the direction you wanted.

    In the future, don't accept friend requests from men you have never met. Mutual friends or not, it's not smart when you have no clue who they are in real life.

  11. #10
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    Did you come on too strong? Who the heck are you talking to, girl? A random person that you have no clue what his motivations are or if he is even a decent person, or not.

    You sound very young and I am assuming he knows that. You don't know this person, you don't know if he is genuine or a threat or means harm to you.

    You told him it needed to be public and he disappeared, that should sound an alarm to you that he's probably not a good guy.

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