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Thread: He's gone silent on me, did I came out too strong ? I think I ruined it

  1. #11
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to block, not add these weirdos

  2. #12
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    He wanted to meet inside during Covid. Good on you for rejecting and seeing through his intentions.

    He only wanted sex. This is why you didn't get a response.

  3. #13
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    I think yeah, he only wanted sex. I think during quarantine maybe some people may suggest to meet at their house because of lack of options or worries about catching Coronavirus out in public. However if they're genuine they wouldn't stop replying just because you wanted to meet in public. It's totally normal to want to meet in public! Especially the first time. But I think maybe it's a bit excessive to also send a message saying: "I only want to date someone single, no wife, no girlfriend etc." I think if someone said that to me I'd be kinda put off. I'd be thinking, what are you implying? That I'm not single and I'm cheating?

  4. #14
    Platinum Member Jibralta's Avatar
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    I think you did great. Best to weed out the flakes early on.

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  6. #15
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    When he saw this was going to cost him more than a cup of coffee, he bailed. These guys are a dime a dozen, sometimes they strike gold, other times they strike out. Classic...

    Of course you can do better.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Ruined what? You demonstrated basic good common sense, so he bailed since he was only after getting you in his bed quickly and cheaply....hopefully that is all he was after and not something worse. Beware, because creeps troll social media all the time looking for desperate victims and easy targets. All you showed is that you are not one. Good for you.

    What is not good is that you think you ruined what you never had in the first place. That part is something you need to adjust mentally. You cannot ruin what you do not have and chatting with a random stranger, no matter how long or how well you imagine you know them, is having nothing at all. Stick to your better sense - meet in public, etc. Stay safe and firm on what you are and aren't willing to do and if the man won't meet you on your terms, you've lost nothing at all. A decent man with good intentions will meet you in public and date you properly. Don't ever lose sight of that.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I agree with the others. It should have you more wary in future when accepting requests randomly on social media.

    A good idea instead might be to join an interest group and agree to meet a group of people where you can mingle and get to know each other in person while interacting over specific activities or topics.

  9. #18
    Member MrsWise's Avatar
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    Thank you guys for your insights .I just want to clarify that I did not accuse him of cheating. I basically said the person i want to get to know has to be single and willing to meet in public while we get to know each other. I also want to mention that we do chat on facebook messenger sometimes and it shows your online status and when you were last online etc.I noticed that sometimes he doesn't come online 2 days. He often goes MIA some days where i sent a message and he won't respond like a day later or 2. Then they are days when he is active and available to respond to messages. I find it odd

    Having said that, I've came across attached men who hit on me and try to pursue me and when the truth about their relationship status comes out, some simply say, well you never asked. So now I never just assume that a man is actually available to date just because he pursued. i know not every man cheats but unfortunately some do. That's just reality. Even when I tried online dating, married men where ALL over the dating apps and sites. Of course, some were upfront about being married, or may even lie and call themselves "ethically non-monogamous." Of course, I give these men a pass. But some masquerade as single. One of them even got mad at me when i found his wife's face-book and called him on it. So yea that's why i want to throw it out there so i don't waste my time

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MrsWise
    Thank you guys for your insights .I just want to clarify that I did not accuse him of cheating. I basically said the person i want to get to know has to be single and willing to meet in public while we get to know each other. I also want to mention that we do chat on facebook messenger sometimes and it shows your online status and when you were last online etc.I noticed that sometimes he doesn't come online 2 days. He often goes MIA some days where i sent a message and he won't respond like a day later or 2. Then they are days when he is active and available to respond to messages. I find it odd

    Having said that, I've came across attached men who hit on me and try to pursue me and when the truth about their relationship status comes out, some simply say, well you never asked. So now I never just assume that a man is actually available to date just because he pursued. i know not every man cheats but unfortunately some do. That's just reality. Even when I tried online dating, married men where ALL over the dating apps and sites. Of course, some were upfront about being married, or may even lie and call themselves "ethically non-monogamous." Of course, I give these men a pass. But some masquerade as single. One of them even got mad at me when i found his wife's face-book and called him on it. So yea that's why i want to throw it out there so i don't waste my time
    This is so awful and disgusting. I'm sorry to hear this but I believe you. I have stories of my own.

    Take a time out from dating for awhile. I don't think it's healthy to keep looking at profile after profile or character after character or constantly watching your back like this. Spend time with friends and family also and delve more into your hobbies and community work if you like being out and about or involved. It's healthy to take breaks while dating. Quality not quantity. Come back to it later, go on 2-3 dates and then give it a break again and keep up to date in other areas you like and enjoy about life.

  11. #20
    Platinum Member SherrySher's Avatar
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    I've been there too. You are absolutely right, there are (unfortunately) lots of men (and women) online and on the dating sites that pretend to be single and free when they are actually married or have a partner somewhere in the background.

    That's why it's good to make sure that the man you are speaking to is totally single. Asking him would be a good start but alas, lots of people lie (I'm sorry to be cynical, but it's the truth). So a little investigation work is always a good thing to do. I know some people poo poo that type of thing and tell you that you shouldn't be looking someone up or checking on them, etc. But I am not one of them.

    I tell women (and men!) to look that person up online to see who you are actually talking to. Why wouldn't you? It's free information and it will save you loads of time and possible loads of heartache.

    I think you're doing well on recognizing this and taking care of yourself. Good on you! I wished more women would do this as they can get themselves in bad situations.

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