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Thread: Need advice/opinions

  1. #21
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
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    I had a chat with my mom, and she agrees that if I am already having a bad feeling about this place, to go with my gut. I don't feel like my significant other is on the same page, though. I'm getting the impression that he still wants me to possibly go for this job that i'm not feeling confident about. He encouraged me to maybe go back for a second work with if I were invited. But I feel like why waste my time there, unpaid, for hours if I've already decided that the doc and I won't click?

    As for the law office, the hourly is low enough that I'd pretty much break even on what I'm collecting from unemployment, so I am leery about accepting that position if given to me. But yet, I feel the pressure to just start working so that my S.O. can stop getting on my case. (Even though our finances have not suffered any as a result of my unemployment)

  2. #22
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Go if you want interview experience, otherwise go with the job that feels better.
    Originally Posted by quark
    As for the law office, the hourly is low enough that I'd pretty much break even on what I'm collecting from unemployment, so I am leery about accepting that position if given to me. But yet, I feel the pressure to just start working so that my S.O. can stop getting on my case.

  3. #23
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    Please take the job that you want. Not what your boyfriend wants. You're going to work there. Not him. Please don't take a job to stop someone from annoying you. Why are you choosing to mingle finances with him if he has this sort of attitude?

  4. #24
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by quark
    As for the law office, the hourly is low enough that I'd pretty much break even on what I'm collecting from unemployment, so I am leery about accepting that position if given to me. But yet, I feel the pressure to just start working so that my S.O. can stop getting on my case. (Even though our finances have not suffered any as a result of my unemployment)
    Think bigger especially in terms of experience.

    There are non-monetary gains with each job also. This is something to consider for long term goals, not just short term.

    Both of you may be in for a rougher road ahead if you don't have the same work ethic or long term views when it comes to career or where you see yourself outside of a relationship. Think big.

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  6. #25
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Batya33
    Please take the job that you want. Not what your boyfriend wants. You're going to work there. Not him. Please don't take a job to stop someone from annoying you. Why are you choosing to mingle finances with him if he has this sort of attitude?
    You are very correct in a lot of your statement. I am in the very bad habit of doing what I think he wants me to do just to please him. One of the many problems with acting that way, is that he is not always clear in what he wants me to do/thinks I should do anyway. A lot of problems would just be solved if I took a stance. Yes, there might be some static over a difference of opinion, but atleast I would be free thinking and independent.

    Case in point.. shortly after returning from my mom's house, I got a missed call/text from the doc. I knew that it was to offer me the position. I really wanted to text back that I had accepted another job offer or that I was going in a different direction since I had seemingly already made up my mind. At my boyfriend's request I ended up calling him back because my boyfriend wanted me to hear the doctor out, to see if I could get more information, etc. It all ended up falling apart, where I was offered the position, but I panicked and instead of saying that I had other offers and I needed to think it over, I basically said 'ok' and to give me time to check my availability. I don't know why I was incapable of saying I needed to think it over. Maybe it was the doctors tone of voice, like I should be lucky to have been given the offer, or maybe it was his urgency in starting training. But, in the end I felt bullied by both my boyfriend and the doctor!

    So, of course it blew up into an argument because boyfriend was upset that I didn't say the right thing. I get upset because I didn't want to talk to the guy in the first place! I ended up texting back with a regretful decline of the position, but boy did I take a serious detour on doing what I had intended to do in the first place.

    It is a really crappy time in our relationship right now because he has obvious resentment over my having free time, while he is being drained by his job that he absolutely hates (yet refuses to do anything about. he even had the audacity to say that i should apply for new jobs FOR him because he is just too busy??). The uncertain job market and shifting unemployment benefits have me questioning what my next move should be or what's the right thing to do.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by quark
    You are very correct in a lot of your statement. I am in the very bad habit of doing what I think he wants me to do just to please him. One of the many problems with acting that way, is that he is not always clear in what he wants me to do/thinks I should do anyway. A lot of problems would just be solved if I took a stance. Yes, there might be some static over a difference of opinion, but atleast I would be free thinking and independent.

    Case in point.. shortly after returning from my mom's house, I got a missed call/text from the doc. I knew that it was to offer me the position. I really wanted to text back that I had accepted another job offer or that I was going in a different direction since I had seemingly already made up my mind. At my boyfriend's request I ended up calling him back because my boyfriend wanted me to hear the doctor out, to see if I could get more information, etc. It all ended up falling apart, where I was offered the position, but I panicked and instead of saying that I had other offers and I needed to think it over, I basically said 'ok' and to give me time to check my availability. I don't know why I was incapable of saying I needed to think it over. Maybe it was the doctors tone of voice, like I should be lucky to have been given the offer, or maybe it was his urgency in starting training. But, in the end I felt bullied by both my boyfriend and the doctor!

    So, of course it blew up into an argument because boyfriend was upset that I didn't say the right thing. I get upset because I didn't want to talk to the guy in the first place! I ended up texting back with a regretful decline of the position, but boy did I take a serious detour on doing what I had intended to do in the first place.

    It is a really crappy time in our relationship right now because he has obvious resentment over my having free time, while he is being drained by his job that he absolutely hates (yet refuses to do anything about. he even had the audacity to say that i should apply for new jobs FOR him because he is just too busy??). The uncertain job market and shifting unemployment benefits have me questioning what my next move should be or what's the right thing to do.
    I can see when you live with your partner or even a roommate, you do take each other's opi ions into consideration. You share a household and what one does effects the other and vice versa.

    But you are still your own person. That has to do and act in ways that are your decisions. You live with the consequences.

    Why can't you stand up to your boyfriend? It doesn't have to be a fight... but you can decide for yourself if you want to answer a call or not.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    It's normal when a person is feeling low and vulnerable to take things at face value and accept the opinions of others or feel pressured. Don't be so hard on yourself but yes, definitely take a stand. I'm sorry that your boyfriend is behaving this way. He sounds emotionally abusive. His behaviour is stifling your personal and professional growth. It doesn't sound like he trusts you at all either as a person.

    I think you should find employment because you want to only and leave this relationship when you're ready emotionally.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to get him out of the equation when it comes to your employment. Simply do not discuss it with him other than brief one word/sentence replies then change the subject.

    Do not look for jobs for him. Instead use the time to reflect if you even want to be with someone angry bitter and controlling.

    Stop telling him about what you do all day or your finances.
    Originally Posted by quark
    It is a really crappy time in our relationship right now because he has obvious resentment over my having free time, while he is being drained by his job that he absolutely hates

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