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Thread: Ex girlfriend reached out after 3.5 months NC

  1. #11
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Unfortunately the friend zone is a very common breakup offer.
    Right, but this isn't the breakup anymore. Its been just about 5 months since and I was very firm when I told her I wasn't interested in friendship when we broke up.

  2. #12
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    Can I ask why you reached out again if you were so certain she would contact you?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Did she go back to her bf? They were still together when you met? It sounds like she would like you as a backup or support system, but you would rather be FWB.

  4. #14
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    Originally Posted by Hollyj
    Can I ask why you reached out again if you were so certain she would contact you?
    Because I wanted to see if there was an update on when she would be back in the area. I get really busy with work in August and wanted to see if she would be back before then, otherwise I'm swamped for a month straight and I wanted to communicate that with her. Covid has obviously brought a ton of uncertainty upon everyone and she told me she's living her summer day by day at the moment. I said that I respect that, and she said she respects that I might be busy by the time she gets back.

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  6. #15
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Did she go back to her bf? They were still together when you met? It sounds like she would like you as a backup or support system, but you would rather be FWB.
    No. Her ex is completely out of the picture forever (he was abusive and already knocked up another woman). She broke up with him months before I met her. I want a relationship with her, not FWB. It's either all in, or nothing at all.

  7. #16
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    ď One of the strongest traits of our relationship was honesty, and I have zero reasons to believe she wouldn't reach out againĒ


    If you actually believed your own words , you would not have contacted her again to follow up on if she is back, when she is due back etc.

    Iím also curious as to why you would tell her you are excited about seeing her again?
    Excited about what exactly?
    She did not Infer that she wanted to rekindle any romance.
    Are you really excited to meet her when she simply said catch up for coffee in the future ?

    She later reiterated to you that itís as a friend only.

    No contact extends to not responding the first time an ex contacts you with wishy washy nonsense that I also believe as others have said is out of guilt.
    You ONLY respond IF they clearly state that they regret breaking up , would like to see if you are open to dating again etc.
    she NEVER said any of that.

    IF you had not responded to her lame hi how are you message. And IF she wanted to rekindle , SHE would have followed up with an I miss you , sorry, can we try again etc!
    Or IF you had not responded and she didnít want to rekindle , you would never have heard from her again.

    But now you need to either find out the hard way , OR next time she messages , donít respond unless she states clearly she wants to rekindle.

    Up to you what you do from here?

  8. #17
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    Originally Posted by Billie28


    ď One of the strongest traits of our relationship was honesty, and I have zero reasons to believe she wouldn't reach out againĒ


    If you actually believed your own words , you would not have contacted her again to follow up on if she is back, when she is due back etc.

    Iím also curious as to why you would tell her you are excited about seeing her again?
    Excited about what exactly?
    She did not Infer that she wanted to rekindle any romance.
    Are you really excited to meet her when she simply said catch up for coffee in the future ?

    She later reiterated to you that itís as a friend only.

    No contact extends to not responding the first time an ex contacts you with wishy washy nonsense that I also believe as others have said is out of guilt.
    You ONLY respond IF they clearly state that they regret breaking up , would like to see if you are open to dating again etc.
    she NEVER said any of that.

    IF you had not responded to her lame hi how are you message. And IF she wanted to rekindle , SHE would have followed up with an I miss you , sorry, can we try again etc!
    Or IF you had not responded and she didnít want to rekindle , you would never have heard from her again.

    But now you need to either find out the hard way , OR next time she messages , donít respond unless she states clearly she wants to rekindle.

    Up to you what you do from here?
    You're putting a lot of words into my mouth here. I simply messaged asking if she had an update, not because I thought she wouldn't reach out again. It's called communication.

    What are you curious about? I'm excited to see her in person. I see no big deal with that.

    There was no "reiteration" about it being as a friend only. She never said that before. I'll reiterate though, that I told her not to reach out to me if she just wants to be friends.

    No offense, but that's horrible advice to ghost someone who worked up the courage over months to reach out to you (she mentioned that she was thinking about reaching out to me for a while, so it's not something she did lightly). Not saying anything is a VERY powerful statement (basically saying screw off, don't talk to me...which is not what I'm going for). I'm sure some people come roaring out of the gates saying they want to rekindle, but in my opinion, stating all of that over text message with zero context is a horrible way to do it. If you're going to do it, set up an in-person meeting and spill your guts in person.

    So I meet up with her in person, and she says she wants to be only friends. Cool. Then I tell her that I don't see myself being friends with her, that she disrespected a firm boundary I put in place when we broke up, and for her to have a good life. End of story. Not sure why so many people on this forum need to make things over complicated and play bs games of ignoring people that you care about.

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Ptink
    One of the strongest traits of our relationship was honesty, and I have zero reasons to believe she wouldn't reach out again.
    Fair enough, but be prepared for it not to the beginning of a reconciliation.

    It doesn't appear she's on the same page as you for this meet-up.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. Why did she even bother to meet up just to reiterate the friend zone thing?

  11. #20
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    Originally Posted by Ptink
    You're putting a lot of words into my mouth here. I simply messaged asking if she had an update, not because I thought she wouldn't reach out again. It's called communication.

    What are you curious about? I'm excited to see her in person. I see no big deal with that.

    There was no "reiteration" about it being as a friend only. She never said that before. I'll reiterate though, that I told her not to reach out to me if she just wants to be friends.

    No offense, but that's horrible advice to ghost someone who worked up the courage over months to reach out to you (she mentioned that she was thinking about reaching out to me for a while, so it's not something she did lightly). Not saying anything is a VERY powerful statement (basically saying screw off, don't talk to me...which is not what I'm going for). I'm sure some people come roaring out of the gates saying they want to rekindle, but in my opinion, stating all of that over text message with zero context is a horrible way to do it. If you're going to do it, set up an in-person meeting and spill your guts in person.

    So I meet up with her in person, and she says she wants to be only friends. Cool. Then I tell her that I don't see myself being friends with her, that she disrespected a firm boundary I put in place when we broke up, and for her to have a good life. End of story. Not sure why so many people on this forum need to make things over complicated and play bs games of ignoring people that you care about.
    There was nothing in your post that suggested she took months to work up the courage to contact you.

    That was simply your wishful thinking , when she said she thought about reaching out. Her deliberation on that was more likely , will you interpret it wrong? And I feel you have. Sorry.

    I realise you are emotionally involved but I feel itís wise advice to suggest not responding to someone whom you have absolutely said do not contact on a friend level only.
    Just because she ignored your request , doesnít mean my advice is invalid .

    I am unbiased. She is on the pedestal you placed her on.

    ď. If you're going to do it, set up an in-person meeting and spill your guts in person.Ē

    If you believed that , then why not allow her to do that , rather than try to engage in chit chat before meeting?
    Instead you wanted to remind her of how needy you were and the reason her attraction for you dropped in the first instance?

    You might think I am making assumptions here, but look at the assumptions you are making?
    I have zero emotions in this , yours are off the chart.

    Try to look at it logically.

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