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80guy

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I have started having some stronger feelings for someone I probably shouldn't, and she is having the same feelings. It started out physical and it's turned into more. Now we are fighting with should we keep going or try to stop it. It will upset alot of people around us, but the situation being what it is we are stuck being around eachother alot. We've stop having sex for right now, but the other feelings are just getting stronger. We are both trying are best to fight it. That said, should we continue to try cutting it off or stop fighting and see where it goes

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Who objects to your dating and why?

I have started having some stronger feelings for someone I probably shouldn't. It started out physical and it's turned into more.

 

It will upset alot of people around us, but the situation being what it is we are stuck being around eachother alot.

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It feels better then good and no we are both single. We both agree we are happier together. The huge problem being she is a member of my ex's family. It started with a drunk night and has slowly turned in to something else. It's hard for both of us because we both have trouble finding people we click with and now we are clicking with eachother.

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Why is all this so problematic? It's only a problem if you want it to be. Is this a big secret?

 

It sounds like her being from your ex's family is not the real problem but the relationship, fighting moving in way to soon are the problem.

 

Sounds like your not over your ex and she's a rebound that evolved from hookups.

The biggest problem is she is staying with me, so other then sleeping and work we are around eachother constantly.
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If you are some middle-aged guy having sex with your ex-wife's 20 year old niece, then you bet there are going to be people around getting upset, namely your ex-wife and all her family. If there is a big age gap, chances are that, at best, all it is likely to lead to is you two forming some kind of a relationship for a few years until she outgrows you and you break up. Sure, it may work now, but when she grows up and wisens up, there is a good chance that she will grow tired of your immaturity and regret not getting to explore the opportunities and freedom that life has to offer to a young person of her age because she wasted that time playing house with someone much older. Unfortunately, I doubt that you will stop. Your post feels like seeking permission to go ahead. If you had been really serious about not upsetting all these people, you would not have started something "physical" with her in the first place. Blaming it on alcohol doesn't paint your maturity level in a good light either.

 

To answer your question, the right thing on your part, if you are much older than her (and therefore, supposedly wiser), would be to not take advantage of her lack of life experience any further (assuming that she is too young) and arrange that she moves out. Based on what you wrote, as long as you are under the same roof, you will keep slipping up. She will have no trouble finding a guy whose life stage is better aligned to her own, as long as you let her spread her wings. If, on the other hand, you are both aged over 30, again the situation sounds tacky and insensitive, but at least then you are both fully matured adults who have sufficient life experience to know what you are getting yourselves into. That would mean that you supposedly have weighted the pros and cons of the situation and have the backbone to stand by your informed choice, should you decide to go ahead and pursue a relationship.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Love vs Family

 

Are you willing to risk her potentially not having that relationship with her family? Are you sure that whatever you have between you is strong and will last? If it's true love, I'm all for going for it no matter who opposes. But we aware of the risks and know what you are asking her to possibly be giving up.

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