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Thread: Boyfriend unhealthy lifestyle

  1. #1
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    Boyfriend unhealthy lifestyle

    Do different eating habits affect relationships in the long term? I am dating a guy who is quite overweight but is also active whenever he needs to be. However, as we've been interacting more and more and talk about what we had during the day etc, i've come to realize that we have different eating habits and he also doesn't seem to give importance to physical activity. I wouldn't say he is lazy though. He gets work done when he has to. What gets on my nerves are things like eating sugar coated cereals, or fried foods more often than he should. While I am no health freak or a gym rat and by no means have a body with the ideal amount of fat, I do understand the importance of being accountable for how you take care of yourself especially when you're growing older. We don't live together yet so I don't know if this lifestyle is a result of him living alone and having a hectic work schedule which he why he doesn't care much. He is not very fussy about eating simple meals its just that he doesn't care about putting in too much effort in cooking as he is living alone.

    My concern here is not relating to his physical appearance or attraction but more about the health aspect. Is this something that should be addressed before you plan on moving in with someone?

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You can't really police what another adult is eating. He is long distance, you only met once and there are no set plans. If you dislike his eating habits you'll have to just observe that for now.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    You can address it or at least take note of it. For example, mention that you notice he's been eating a lot of sugar lately. Does he notice a change in energy levels? Put the question out there so it doesn't sound a bit rude. He may have a work out routine he's working on but hasn't told you yet or is dealing with something at the moment and has lapsed. Let him come to his own conclusions about how it makes him feel or how it affects him lately.

    On the topic of healthy eating habits, yes, sugary foods do have an effect on energy levels and longevity or how long a person can go without eating again (more unhealthy foods). Poor meal choices do have an effect on a person's energy, motivation and ability to focus or concentrate.

    Overall, I'd ask this question also: Am I happy being with someone whose lack of care and attention in general is pervasive (if it is)?

    You may be dealing with a character trait that is not just about healthy eating habits and you both may be incompatible. I think it's a good thing to notice and appreciate differences and similarities.

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    "More than he should"? You are not his mother. In fact you only met once and live on different sides of the world. This cyber relationship is doing you more harm than good. In your mind you're already the nagging wife about his diet and porn.


    Is this the same man?

    [Register to see the link]

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  6. #5
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    I donít think this is your concern since you are not actually in a real life relationship with him and likely never will be.

    However, letís pretend you are in a relationship with him.
    His eating habits are none of your business.
    If you donít like his eating habits and thatís a deal breaker for you then dump him.
    If his eating habits are not a deal breaker then leave it alone.

    What exactly are you looking for here? A reason to stop conversing online? You donít need one.
    You can stop at any given time you want.

    There is no contact. And you donít need a reason to end it. You simply can.

  7. #6
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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    I donít think this is your concern since you are not actually in a real life relationship with him and likely never will be.

    However, letís pretend you are in a relationship with him.
    His eating habits are none of your business.
    If you donít like his eating habits and thatís a deal breaker for you then dump him.
    If his eating habits are not a deal breaker then leave it alone.

    What exactly are you looking for here? A reason to stop conversing online? You donít need one.
    You can stop at any given time you want.

    There is no contact. And you donít need a reason to end it. You simply can.
    I agree with this. I will say my husband's eating habits improved when we married -we didn't live together before marriage despite spending lots of time at each others' places. For example he now eats breakfast -a reasonable breakfast -which is good for health and weight maintenance, etc. I try to have healthful foods around, I don't think his diet is awesome at all and I do my utmost not to say things about it. I actually am very successful at it. Once in a blue moon I'll mention him hitting our m and m jar too often (yes we have one, yes I eat one m and m a day, yes I have that level of discipline). He responds well -you know why? Because it's rare and because he knows I'm not nagging and he's pleasant about it. I will say this -if he was very overweight and not into some level of fitness (I am quite a bit -cardio) that wouldn't work for me especially since we have a son and I want him to be active and fit -to me that's about health and values. I also like to be with motivated, ambitious people and find that those who are are that way across the board -not just about work or just about hobbies, etc.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    Quite so, Wiseman.

    ""More than he should"? You are not his mother. In fact you only met once and live on different sides of the world. This cyber relationship is doing you more harm than good"

    OP, if this quasi-stranger wants to eat himself stupid until he becomes a tub of lard then let him.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
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    Let's approach this with a thought experiment. If you went on a few dates with someone and learned that (a) they follow a lot of porn stars on social media and (b) have eating habits that unnerve you, what is your reaction? More dating, or a graceful exit from the romantic laboratory?

    I put it that way because, along with others here, I think what's got you hamstrung is that you've assigned someone you don't really know a major label: boyfriend. Powerful stuff, labels. Once we've labeled something, we want to continue cultivating that something, even when that something turns out to be...well, not what we want, not what genuinely works with who we are.

    Non-romantic example: I moved to Los Angeles 2.5 years ago. I didn't label it "home" right away, however, but gave myself one year to explore the idea that it could become my home, if the personality of the city and my personality got along well. Yeah, that meant living in a bit of limbo, but it also meant that I was able to really feel it out: the good, the frustrating, the whole spectrum. I found the whole spectrum pretty majestic, and now when I call it "home" there's nothing aspirational about that label. The label is beside the point, really.

    I can't do anything to make Los Angeles less congested, or scrub away the parts of the city that can be a little saucy or superficial. I can't do anything to make it rain more than a few glorious minutes a year. It is what it is, which is to say that this man's eating habits are just that: him, who he is, not something for you to see about changing or even learning to be "cool" with. If you can't help but judge them as negative, and can't help but be consumed by that judgementówell, that's okay. A thing that happens. Your own spirit asking you to listen to it, rather than to a story your brain and heart are writing.

    I know you're emotionally and mentally invested here, and I want to respect that. But I do hope that as you find yourself picking apart his habitsóthe way this individual human lives his lifeóyou can take a step back and ask the bigger question: not about IG followings and sugary cereal, but about compatibility, and maybe about the very real limitations in trying to gauge compatibility from afar, with someone you don't know very well.

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    I do not understand what you get out of this.

    You live on different continents and have only met once. He has a porn addiction and is unable to perform in the bedroom, now you are unhappy with his lifestyle. Why aren't you dating someone who is local? Do you have issues with emotional unavailability?

  11. #10
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    BC I get what you're saying. And I'd also explore whether the issue is habits or values.

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