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Thread: Boyfriend unhealthy lifestyle

  1. #21
    Platinum Member Cherylyn's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    They met once and live on opposite sides of the world. There are no plans . So it doesn't matter who eats what and his lifestyle has no impact on her half a world away.
    My advice pertains to healthy people with unhealthy people in general. When you are in a relationship and live together someday whoever it is whether married or not, eventually the healthier person ends up taking care of the unhealthy person in the same household. I've already seen this dilemma in countless relationships or marriages. The person who takes care of the unhealthy person feels overwhelmed and taxed.

    It's not a big issue when people are young and they have youth on their side. The problem grows as people age and their unhealthy lifestyle habits catches up with them. If they're alone, they have to somehow take care of themselves. If they're with a partner or spouse, the healthier person takes care of the unhealthy person. Resentment grows due to unfairness, burnout and both physical and mental fatigue.

    For example, you have one healthy person who is fit, eats right and takes care of his or her health. Then there's the other person who eats badly, sedentary, (smokes / drinks / recreational drugs) and eventually succumbs to diabetes, hypertension, heart problems, debilitating arthritis, aches 'n pains and a host of other ills. The relationship is lopsided because the unhealthy person is a drag and slows everyone else down. I've observed this so many times.

    If you don't mind playing nursemaid someday, go for it. If you do mind, reconsider.

  2. #22
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    Thank you for that reply. I think it's about accountability for self. Unfortunately in my situation i don't know much. My question was solely based on the information iv'e gotten to know over the phone (due to the long distance) so it's hard to tell how exactly a person is living their life. We don't discuss every minute of everyday. It's just a general idea you get when you share these details over the phone. I know many people on this forum don't consider my relationship real because of the fact that we met once and now we're living so far apart. But there is a lot more to this relationship than just the food habits or following instagram models online. I've had these thoughts in my mind and wasn't sure how to approach them, hence, started sharing them on the forum. Distance is not making it easy in anyway to get to know the individual on a more personal level. But if the guy is investing his time inspite of the different time zones, initiating phone calls, keeping the communication open, shares the same values when it comes to family life, even talked about a future together and has told his family and closest friends about me, talked to my parents, and time and again tells me how me cares about me, would it be wise to just walk away because of the habits i mentioned earlier? Like i said before, I am not a health freak either but like to be aware of where I'm at health wise. As far as the following instagram models online is concerned, I know that the reason it is bothering me is because i'm able to see his online activity when i choose to look into it. Whereas, when he watches porn I don't know when it happens and what he's looking at so it doesn't bother me. This relationship may sound like a fantasy to many but i'm not ready to give up just yet. It is certain that I'll be moving in a few months to the city where he's living right now but due to the pandemic it is hard to set a timeline because of the travel restrictions and all that stuff.

  3. #23
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Why do you plan to move there? Have you lived there before? Do you have a job offer? Do you plan to go to university there?

    You mentioned you had plans to move to his city before you met.

  4. #24
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Why do you plan to move there? Have you lived there before? Do you have a job offer? Do you plan to go to university there?

    You mentioned you had plans to move to his city before you met.
    In a few months, the process is taking time because of the shutdowns during the pandemic. Yes, I've been there before. I don't have a job offer yet. I also have close friends living in the city to offer support if need be. So in a way i will still be able to have a life of my own regardless of whether i continue to be in a relationship with this man or not.

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by Mnmny
    Thank you for that reply. I think it's about accountability for self. Unfortunately in my situation i don't know much. My question was solely based on the information iv'e gotten to know over the phone (due to the long distance) so it's hard to tell how exactly a person is living their life. We don't discuss every minute of everyday. It's just a general idea you get when you share these details over the phone. I know many people on this forum don't consider my relationship real because of the fact that we met once and now we're living so far apart. But there is a lot more to this relationship than just the food habits or following instagram models online. I've had these thoughts in my mind and wasn't sure how to approach them, hence, started sharing them on the forum. Distance is not making it easy in anyway to get to know the individual on a more personal level. But if the guy is investing his time inspite of the different time zones, initiating phone calls, keeping the communication open, shares the same values when it comes to family life, even talked about a future together and has told his family and closest friends about me, talked to my parents, and time and again tells me how me cares about me, would it be wise to just walk away because of the habits i mentioned earlier? Like i said before, I am not a health freak either but like to be aware of where I'm at health wise. As far as the following instagram models online is concerned, I know that the reason it is bothering me is because i'm able to see his online activity when i choose to look into it. Whereas, when he watches porn I don't know when it happens and what he's looking at so it doesn't bother me. This relationship may sound like a fantasy to many but i'm not ready to give up just yet. It is certain that I'll be moving in a few months to the city where he's living right now but due to the pandemic it is hard to set a timeline because of the travel restrictions and all that stuff.
    How many times have you met and dated in person? Watch the feet- what he does-not the lips-what he says. If you were going to move there anyway and live completely independently on your own I don't see the harm in meeting him in person once you move.

  7. #26
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    So what is the real reason you want to move there and searched for men long distance in that location?
    I don't have a job offer yet.

  8. #27
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    So what is the real reason you want to move there and searched for men long distance in that location?
    I had plans to immigrate to that country and had begun the process before meeting him. At the same time I wasnít closed to dating more locally. It just so happened that I met this guy online, we talked for a couple of months before he came down to meet me which is when we mutually felt the connection. We both felt the same about dating exclusively and take it from there. We even had plans to go on vacation in a month after we met. But just then, the pandemic happened, I lost my job had to move back to my home country. The place where I was at when meeting him was not my home country but had been living there for a few years on a work permit. That was going to be temporary and I had already made plans to move elsewhere permanently. Now Iím stuck in my home country until things start getting back on track. Also, when I moved back home he had even decided to come meet me and we had a three week vacation planned with his tickets already booked. That couldnít happen either. However, we both didnít want to break up because of the current situation and have kept our communication going in spite of the distance and time difference.

  9. #28
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. The pandemic is disrupting a lot of lives. In the meantime, try not to invest too much in his habits in case it doesn't work out.
    Originally Posted by Mnmny
    the pandemic happened, I lost my job had to move back to my home country. Iím stuck in my home country until things start getting back on track.

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by Mnmny
    I had plans to immigrate to that country and had begun the process before meeting him. At the same time I wasnít closed to dating more locally. It just so happened that I met this guy online, we talked for a couple of months before he came down to meet me which is when we mutually felt the connection. We both felt the same about dating exclusively and take it from there. We even had plans to go on vacation in a month after we met. But just then, the pandemic happened, I lost my job had to move back to my home country. The place where I was at when meeting him was not my home country but had been living there for a few years on a work permit. That was going to be temporary and I had already made plans to move elsewhere permanently. Now Iím stuck in my home country until things start getting back on track. Also, when I moved back home he had even decided to come meet me and we had a three week vacation planned with his tickets already booked. That couldnít happen either. However, we both didnít want to break up because of the current situation and have kept our communication going in spite of the distance and time difference.
    Honestly, i would stay where you are at an find work. There are not a lot of companies hiring foreigners right now in most countries -- they are hiring locally due to travel restrictions and have candidates whose industries have not fully reopened like the hospitality industry. I don't think you should consider that you are even in a relationship if you only met him in person one time

  11. #30
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    Originally Posted by Wiseman2
    Sorry to hear that. The pandemic is disrupting a lot of lives. In the meantime, try not to invest too much in his habits in case it doesn't work out.
    Well - if she doesn't like his lifestyle - it would be easier now to stop communicating and blame it on the distance than to tell him its about his lifestyle. She has a unique opportunity to not get swept up in hormones and to think rationally about it if he is not a match

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