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Thread: Best strategy to get out of rut

  1. #21
    Bronze Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2016
    Originally Posted by bluecastle
    Been following this thread, wondering how much all this is connected to work vs the recent breakup. Your update is, to my eyes, somewhat clarifying.

    All relationships have their own unique dynamics, I know, and even good ones can get nasty when they unravel. Still, I'm just not sure how much of your identity—past, present, and future—you want to stake on the opinions of someone who is holding onto an affair partner as some kind of ideal of a man. I'd maybe try to put all that in one corridor of reflection, away from work, so the two don't feed off each other in negative ways, pulling and pushing you in weird directions to the point where you're all knotted up. Sounds like there's been a fair amount of that already.

    As for work? It's kind of up to you, in the end, to decide if you're doing well, doing enough, all that. Creative industries are inherently up and down, unsteady, a different version of stability. Am just a bit younger than you—and a resident of the same city, as of semi-recently—and have kind of seen it all in my fragile profession. Have had stretches where I've done quite well, others where I haven't, and have learned to take it all in stride because, in the end, I get to do and pursue and wild craft that fills me up in profound ways. Whatever anyone else thinks of that? Honesty, I couldn't care less.

    For whatever it's worth? About ten years ago, when I was 30, I started Airbnb'ing my apartment and crashing on friends' couches for a few days when money was tight. Was a small revelation, that passive income stream, even if the initial means of getting it were a touch, to put it generously, bohemian. A bit later, when I was in a relationship, we spent a year living together between two apartments, each of us renting the other out for profit while we were away, in order to generate a bit more scratch than our "cool" jobs did. Then I bought an apartment with some of that scratch. Then I moved to a smaller city for a bit, bought a multi-unit building and fixed it up so it could spit out a bit more. Was a hustle, all that, running parallel to the creative one, but the idea was that it would create a secondary, more stable income stream that allowed me to keep going with my creative whims, which sometimes rake in a little money, sometimes a lot, often none for long periods.

    Weird time to consider something like that, for obvious doomsday reasons, but maybe something to put in your back pocket or let simmer to trigger some kind of inspiration that resonates with you and your circumstances.

    Back to the earlier points? Do give yourself time to just process and go through this breakup, without thinking you need to react to whatever feelings that kicks up in the immediate. Sounds awfully fraught and, who knows, perhaps in a few weeks or months you'll be less interested in morphing yourself into someone who can knock a married cheater off a pedestal and more interested in just being you and finding someone who digs that and believes in it.
    I appreciate your detailed response. It's truly helpful. Me and my ex is a whole, drawn out story not worth going over man so I'll spare you the drama.
    But I can tell you even though my relationship has been mostly negative, as of late, I've been learning a lot more about myself, so I can't take only bad from it.
    I'm taking my job hunt day by day. I pray to God that I can start working full time soon, despite this horrible lock-down. If not
    then I'm going to have to make a complete career change. I dunno, to be honest. At this moment all I want now out of life,
    next to me and my family's health, is to just work full time. I just want to feel a sense of contribution to society and not always have to worry about
    my future and mooching off of the Government. So I dunno bluecastle, like I said, day by day.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    What does it mean to you to contribute to society? My strong suggestion is to get very specific about this. It is a goal of mine too and over the decades i've had very specific ways of implementing that goal.

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