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Thread: A safe space for the heart broken

  1. #11
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    I've always found it helpful to limit the amount of time that I'd indulge in drilling into the heartbreak. The goal is to honor my grief even while testing my resilience to avoid staying stuck in that place.

    Emotions follow behaviors, not the other way around. If I wait until I 'feel like' filling my calendar with commitments to friends, family, neighbors, community, then it won't happen and I'll stay stuck living in my head. That's not healing, it's dwelling, which would only dig me into a deeper hole to climb out of.

    When I want a new perspective that can only be gained from higher ground, I make it my private goal to get there. That means no wallowing with loved ones, but rather making our time together about them-not-me. I help them with projects, I listen to them rather than bring them down, and I find that moving myself out of my own way helps me to normalize around healthy people who don't deserve to worry about me and my grief.

    None of this is to invalidate heartbreak, it's about moving beyond it. That doesn't mean there's no pain, it just means that feeling valued by friends and family starts to feel better than moping, and the good times start to outweigh the painful times.

    Head high, you can do this.

  2. #12
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    A broken heart is hard to fix.
    Anyone who has been truly in love only to have their heart broken has a journey of healing in front of them.
    Many of us on this forum have been there.
    My story is a long one, but I was previously married for 13 years to my best friend, my lover, the Mother of our children.
    We divorced 10 years ago, and the pain still pops up from time to time. If we didn't have kids together, I would have healed within a year! But with shared children she is still in my life on the outside. Every once in a while when I see her the pain is still there, but not as deep.

    It sounds cliche, but "one day at a time" is something I subscribe to. You are going to have some rough moments but know that your breakup wasn't 100% your fault. You know deep down that it was mostly because of her.
    You will find love again. Who knows, you might find love greater than you could have imagined.

    Keep your head up. It gets better.

  3. #13
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    thanks all your words mean alot. I'm sure the next Mrs right is out there for me, I've now stopped watching the "get an ex back" videos so thats progress, like you we also have kids so its hard. Dont know how ill react if she is seeing soneone and j see them out. That will be a blow to the head! Is it wierd I thjnk of her having sex with someone else and its like a knife through my heart.

  4. #14
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    It will get better with the time! You will heal slowly. Just take one step at a time and take your time to make yourself happy and confident again. Good things always come when unexpected. just have faith.

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  6. #15
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    Jesus, these bad days suck! Going from feeling okayish to absolute rubbish is hard to get used to. On these bad days all i want is my ex back. It's hard to focus on much, and I find myself trying to figure out a way to make things right while knowing I can't change her mind.

    I know the hope will eventually fade, but God its painful to feel hope for something that is hopeless.

    Darcus, you hit the nail on the head about the thoughts of her being with someone else is like a knife through the heart. I personally try not to think about it because it hurts like hell, but knowing it is inevitable makes it hard not to think about.

    I hope you are doing well and looking after yourself. It's all we can really do until time favours us and the feelings dissipate.

  7. #16
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    I know mate. I'm 99% sure she is seeing someone, I mean why doesn't she tell me? Should I ask her? Scared to if I honest.
    Hang in there mate, hopefully one day we will find love (I know thats the last thing on our mins right now)
    Head high

  8. #17
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    any updates mate? How u holding up?

  9. #18
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    Originally Posted by Darcus30
    any updates mate? How u holding up?
    Hey Darcus.

    Not a lot to update, kinda going through a bit of a numb point currently. I'm slowly accepting that it's over for good, and my feelings are mixed about this.

    Im glad because it means I'm moving on, but im also shattered because it shows it's really over. Bloody complicated and messy.

    How are you dealing, mate?

  10. #19
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    hi ya mate.
    I'm up and down like a prostitutes knickers. Bad day today. Can u relate that I feel I can't even go to the sea side as last time was with her, can't go to certain places I mean , any advice how to move on. Watched lots of videos on you tube saying no contact but hard for me as we have kids. 16 and 21.
    So gutting isn't it

  11. #20
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    I definitely can relate with that. What I've been trying to do is make new memories in those places so that they no longer remind me just of the ex. Don't pressure yourself though, just do it at your own pace. Today I have to go near my exes house and I'm dreading it. So many memories are gonna stir and it is gonna suck but that's okay because I lost something that meant a lot to me.

    Remember that it's totally normal for us to feel the way we do. We lost someone who meant a lot to us and it's normal to hurt. Just try to reclaim those places that meant a lot to the relationship. Rebrand them with your own new and happy memories.

    I'm sorry it's a bad day, I know how helpless it feels in those sh*t moments. Just do you, do what will make you feel even a bit better. You're doing great, mate.

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