Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast
Results 11 to 20 of 28

Thread: Am I to blame for my girlfriend not being happy with her job?

  1. #11
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    11
    Thanks Tinydance,

    Youíre right, and I canít hold her, if she wanted to break up so much for the last three years, she could have, regardless of me agreeing or not. People get dumped all the time.

    Weíre in Australia, and it is not like my parents need my day to day care. I just donít want to make them feel abandoned when I own a decent house next door to them. Why should I break their hearts in the last few years they may have left. And it is not like they ever disrespected our privacy, they havenít set foot in our place yet.

    We just had a text argument about whether I ever loved her, because I didnít break up with her. I donít understand why would I want to break up as I still love her, no man would do this. She was saying that I didnít love her because I questioned once her love for putting through all this, and kept bringing it up at every argument.

    She was packing to stay at a friendís, and texted me that she could use the side door so that I didnít have to see her until she was out for good. I told her that I didnít have any problem seeing her and replied to her that believe it or not I still loved her. She replied that she had never stopped loving me despite flushing everything down the toilet for me. This is what I donít understand, nothing is flushed as I never wavered from my commitment to her. At our age and financial situation, which is average, what else is there other than love to keep us going?

  2. #12
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,114
    Gender
    Male
    She's moving out? That's the best solution. She needs to be free and you need to find someone willing to deal with your family situation

  3. #13
    Member
    Join Date
    May 2020
    Posts
    59
    Gender
    Female
    Originally Posted by Mike66
    Thanks Tinydance,

    You’re right, and I can’t hold her, if she wanted to break up so much for the last three years, she could have, regardless of me agreeing or not. People get dumped all the time.

    We’re in Australia, and it is not like my parents need my day to day care. I just don’t want to make them feel abandoned when I own a decent house next door to them. Why should I break their hearts in the last few years they may have left. And it is not like they ever disrespected our privacy, they haven’t set foot in our place yet.

    We just had a text argument about whether I ever loved her, because I didn’t break up with her. I don’t understand why would I want to break up as I still love her, no man would do this. She was saying that I didn’t love her because I questioned once her love for putting through all this, and kept bringing it up at every argument.

    She was packing to stay at a friend’s, and texted me that she could use the side door so that I didn’t have to see her until she was out for good. I told her that I didn’t have any problem seeing her and replied to her that believe it or not I still loved her. She replied that she had never stopped loving me despite flushing everything down the toilet for me. This is what I don’t understand, nothing is flushed as I never wavered from my commitment to her. At our age and financial situation, which is average, what else is there other than love to keep us going?
    Your story resonates with me. It brought back some bad memories and saddened me... I was with a man similar to your partner a few years ago who was very condescending towards my parents who were living, by the way, far from him, he was constantly reminding me that he would not spend a penny on my parents while they had never asked for anything... He was constantly afraid that my parents would be a 'burden' to us in the future... My parents are such sweet, nice and very discreet people... His attitude was so weird especially that I was reminding him constantly that he should never leave his parents when in need... His lack of respect towards my parents, that he was not seeing that much, was one of the main reasons I put an end to my relationship with him...

    I wish you the best of luck and I am sure what you have been doing for your parents would be rewarded by God/ universe or whatever you believe in.

  4. #14
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    11
    Thanks Celine2!

  5.  

  6. #15
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,342
    Gender
    Female
    It sounds like when you met her you were a bit desperate, as in you hadn't dated in quite a while. You sound like a doormat, since you took all of that criticism for so long and chose to stay anyway.

    Even though you take pride in your career and helping your parents, your self-esteem must need some boosting, because a person with good self esteem would've said to her at her first complaint: I guess we should've had this discussion about lifetime goals when we became exclusive, because I had no idea you thought like this. I'm not going to listen to complaints about ruining your life, so decide what you can be happy with, whether it involves me or not.

    If you don't improve your self esteem, you will continue to attract and accept inappropriate women.

    I agree with Tinydance that living with your parents is something not conducive to your romantic life. Obviously you can afford to not live with them, so don't. It will afford you the privacy you need when dating. It's great you're helping your parents, so continue doing so.

    When social distancing is no longer such an issue, seek out dating opportunities on Meetup. com or meeting women by taking dancing lessons, book discussion groups, volunteer work. Perhaps you weren't previously pro-active in this area, plus the fact you lived with your parents, and for those reasons, you remained single for a lengthy time. In any case, you have a chance for a new chapter in your life. Take care.

  7. #16
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    11
    Thanks Wiseman2!
    Thanks Andrina,
    I normally have high self esteem, I know my professional strengths and my weaknesses, which I donít shy away from rectifying. I had 4 girlfriends before her, but never felt a long term connection with them. But I thought that this was the one and gave her the benefit of the doubt that her petulance was due to her frustration in finding a job she liked. But you are absolutely right, I allowed myself to be a doormat in the hopes that sheíd come around. And yes, I wasnít very proactive before meeting her on RSVP. I will follow your advise in finding a happy woman.

  8. #17
    Platinum Member reinventmyself's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2014
    Location
    California
    Posts
    11,187
    Gender
    Female
    It kinda doesn't add up, but she needed a reason to leave and is just trying to pin the blame on you.
    I don't see anywhere where you held her hostage.
    She knew your family dynamic when she met you and continued to make her own career decisions along the way.
    Now it's all your fault?
    Yah, let her go.

  9. #18
    Platinum Member bluecastle's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2017
    Posts
    4,813
    Gender
    Male
    Sorry about all this.

    Agree with the general sentiment expressed here. Namely: it seems to me that your girlfriendónow possibly ex?óis someone who finds comfort and power in blaming those around them for their circumstances, for the places in their life where they've fallen short of their expectations of themselves. Perhaps there were signs of this earlyócomplaints about a friend, say, or a professor, or a waiter at a restaurantóbut were easy to write off, since the full spectrum of this way of being generally surfaces over time. Easiest people to blame, if your happy place is blaming others? It's those closest to you. Egro? The closer you get, the more potent the blaming becomes.

    Going from what you've written, there is really very little evidence here that your girlfriend cares much about her career, or building a family, at least not with the same focus and passion that she has for finding scapegoats for her disappointments. Imagine that headspace, far more than this relationship, has hamstrung her here and there, and that's a battle she's going to have to wage with herself, or not. But until then? Those around herópartners, professors, professionalsówill likely find themselves casualties.

    As for the living with your parents? Sure, that might be something to reconsider in the wake of this, but she knew what she was getting into and the world is filled with people who meet and build a constructive partnership from all sorts of variables.

  10. #19
    Platinum Member shellyf62's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2012
    Location
    Sydney Australia
    Posts
    3,116
    Gender
    Female
    Hi Mike.
    Maybe set your sights on an older lady, closer to your age? Someone who has her career and children sorted, and not looking for anything but companionship.
    Best of luck...you are dodging a bullet with this one moving out.

  11. #20
    Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2020
    Posts
    11
    A warm thank you to all of you who spared their time to reply to me, giving advice and reassurance. As painful as it is to let go of the woman I love, it is comforting to be reassured that I havenít done anything wrong by her. It is her choice to leave, as it was hers to stay with me to start with. I just wish that she could snap out of her pessimism to appreciate what we had and the nice future we could have built together.

    Again, thank you very much for your support!

Page 2 of 3 FirstFirst 123 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •