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Thread: Girlfriend of 4 years recently left me over text without real explination

  1. #1
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    Girlfriend of 4 years recently left me over text without real explination

    We met 4 years ago on tinder, at the time I was lifeguarding/fitness coaching in a gym and she was a member there (I didnít know at the time). We hit it off quite well and once I learned she was a member there I decided to ask her out. Our first date was amazing, we had coffee and ended up staying so long we both got parking tickets shortly after but we just laughed it off. Things obviously got more serious between us and it was within a month I asked her to be my girlfriend. I did notice that she was taking medication but I thought nothing of it for a bit but I decided to ask her about it, it turns out she suffers from depression. This didnít put me off her in fact it only made me grow closer to her, I wanted to help her. Sheíd been through some terrible relationships, and been cheated on and her last relationship was actually with a manager I worked with and when I learnt how heíd treated her I confronted him about it. A year later she was in a better place and finally started coming off the medication, during that year there were times sheíd just shut me out and wouldnít see me or talk to me but sheíd never break up with me, Iíd just give her space and sheíd talk to me when she was ready.

    Other than the depression things between us were golden, weíve only had 1 major fight which we resolved and got past and donít really wind each other up to a point where we lash out. We were strong friends (bestfriends) as well as boyfriend and girlfriend, Iíd always spoil her on Valentines, and on her birthday and to be fair sheíd do the same for me. We enjoyed some luxurious holidays together as we both live with parents still and were actively saving for a house, we donít spend our money on any other useless stuff we enjoy having experiences together.

    Flash forward to 2020 and for obvious reasons a lot of our plans got cancelled due to Covid. Weíd booked a dream holiday to the Maldives and also a week away with my family to Bulgaria (which was supposed to happen in a week), as that all fell through in April she was obviously disheartened, she told me Ďmaybe itís just not meant to be, maybe we can never goí, I knew she was joking but this made me sad because I really wanted to take her but in a weird way I was actually relieved because we could rebook the holiday for a later date and I was planning to propose, Iíve been looking into rings for a month already. We spent a couple of months not being able to see each other, only texting, phone calls and video chats until the lockdown rules were amended and she could finally come over, even then all we could really do was go for walks, watch movies and sit with family.

    Last week she invited me over for the week (while her parents were away) but I said I could only stay the weekend as I had work and coursework to do (Iíve recently started a web dev course which I paid for), she said that was fine. I came over and we had a great weekend, watching Disney movies on Saturday along with curry for tea, then on Sunday she invited her grandparents to join us for a roast dinner, afterwards we played card games and had a good time. I admit she did seem a little off during the weekend but nothing that was alarming, I asked her if she was okay and she replied yeah.

    Monday after work I texted her and she just replied with ďďIím sorry but we need to talk I feel like something has changed between usĒ. My heart sank a little when I read this, I tried asking her what was wrong and why she was so upset but she just said sheís been struggling for a while. I asked if we could talk on the phone and she just said she didnít know what to say and she didnít know if it was time to call it quits. I told her that if that's what she wants then I don't want to be the reason she struggles. To which she just replied Iím sorry for this.

    The next day I text her saying I was sorry for what happened the previous night and asked her if she was ready to talk. She just said she was sorry for the way she did it and she felt really bad for approaching the situation like this and she wished she could have confronted me about it but the thought of it broke her heart. She then proceeded to say she still wasnít ready to talk and she needed time to process everything. I said Iím here for you if you need to talk and I will respect your wishes and move on. She then mentioned sheíd see me eventually to swap belongings. I left her for a few days and in a moment of weakness I text her asking how she was, several hours later she replied that she was okay and asked how I was. I apologised for texting her and admitted I did it because I missed her, I then mentioned the stuff I had and said I donít mind dropping it off with her mother if she didnít want to see me. She replied the next day saying it's okay, were both adults I think we can manage to swap stuff between us, to which I asked if she was free on the upcoming weekend to have a short walk and a talk to which she replied sorry but Iím out quite a bit.

    She wouldnít give me an opportunity to speak my mind so like a fool I decided to text her an essay. It spanned over 4 texts (I canít say I regret it because I told her how I felt but yeah I regret it now). To summarize I basically said not to worry about us talking, I wonít bring up what's happened because it's already happened and we canít change that. I was upset how the situation was approached but I think breaking up was a mistake and Iíd like a chance for us to try to work things out. I know things havenít been great lately and Iím sorry I havenít noticed you struggling because have I seen you upset I would have been there for you. I then said I wouldnít mention this again unless she felt the same and I said if we met up Iíd just want to say goodbye to not just my girlfriend but my bestfriend because I havenít had the opportunity. After 3 days she hasnít responded to that message and I donít know if Iíve blown my chances with her now.

    Has anyone ever been through anything like this? Iím currently doing no contact with her so she can heal and process everything, but itís also helping me heal and clear my head. I realize itís not healthy to focus on one person for your source of happiness so Iíve been focusing on other things like my work, coursework, working out more and spending more time with my family and friends but Iíd be lying if I said I wasnít struggling to come to terms with her breaking up with me without any explanation other than things feel different, itís been two weeks now and I just want to make sure sheís okay and know if she really wants me out of her life for good or not. She has a heart of gold normally and this is so out of character for her but like Iíve said previously sheís never left me before so I canít help but think this is for good. How would you guys honestly proceed if you were in my shoes? Should I wait and see if she comes to me or should I move on and let her go.

  2. 07-25-2020, 07:53 AM

  3. #2
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    Did her doctor agree to her going off her meds?

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    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear that. She doesn't seem ready willing or able to sustain a relationship. She is not taking care of her mental health. Things are far from "golden" if she frequently withdraws. Let it be and seek someone healthier and willing to take care of themselves.

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    She wanted me to stay the whole week, like I can't help but wonder what would have happened if I did haha. Just left me feels so confused its unreal.
    She did come off her meds with doctors consent, it took a while and dosage was constantly monitored and lowered as she got better. I don't know if this whole ordeal was really her or another spike in her depression, since she won't talk to me i can't help as much as i want too. All I can do it leave her be, but that's crushing me because I really cared for this girl and still do.

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    Withdrawing can be a sign of depression.

  8. 07-25-2020, 08:21 AM

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    Originally Posted by petitpuddin
    "Sheíd been through some terrible relationships, and been cheated on" and she stuck by you, 4 YEARS. You missed your opportunity! If she likes Disney movies come on, get back on that horse turn around gallop to her with that ring and tell her you think the world of this woman as your lady and best friend.
    I'd love for life to be like Disney movies haha but I don't want to dig this hole deeper for myself, it's torn me apart as it is.

    If this really is her depression again how should I proceed? Give her space and let her come to me when she's ready?

  10. 07-25-2020, 08:28 AM

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    Has it been approx 9 months she came off meds by any chance?

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    Originally Posted by petitpuddin
    If your saving for a house together and you hadnt seen each other in awhile, of course she wants to spend a week with you to see if you two are able to get along and live beside eachother on a daily basis.
    That's my thoughts but she left me over text without explanation, wouldn't talk to me over the phone or in person and left me in the dark. I read somewhere you shouldn't trust what they say but trust their actions because that shows their true feelings... and still I'd fight for her I just don't know what someone does in this situation haha.

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    Originally Posted by Billie28
    Has it been approx 9 months she came off meds by any chance?
    It's been a year and half give or take.

  14. 07-25-2020, 08:36 AM

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    Originally Posted by petitpuddin
    Im sorry you are torn apart.. but I would have left you too. You did not see your window to romance her and the woman needs someone upliftly, understanding, optimistic and fully on her and her family's side.
    It's not been that straight forward, as much as I wanted to romance her all out plans got ruined by the pandemic, I couldn't take her out anywhere anymore since we have to social distance even when we did see each other. To be fair we didn't strictly follow this rule all the time because it was just too hard not to be close to one another but I can understand why this wansn't enough for her but whats a guy to do? It's hard for everyone at the moment until things calm down we can't make special plans and get back to enjoying life. I made an effort to spend as much time as I could with her during all this but I still have work and coursework to keep up with so I'm not certain what else I could have done differently.

  16. 07-25-2020, 08:43 AM

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