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Thread: Girlfriend of 4 years recently left me over text without real explination

  1. #21
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    OK I'm with Seraphim on this. This is about her depression. My mother suffers from depression, I have dealt with it for 56 years so I have a lot of experience with this. Going off medication is bad, and she needs to be on it. People who suffer from depression blame the people around them for how they are feeling so they push them away, breakup, disappear, or get into drugs or alcohol to cope. This is what is happening. Sticking a ring on her finger would have given her short term happiness for a few days, and then she would be down at the pits of depression again.

    People who suffer from mental a mental illness do often go off their medication because they are in a good place and feel they don't need it anymore. So far from the truth. Clinical depression is forever, there is no cure. It has to be regularly managed with a doctor, and maintained for life. Over time medication needs to be adjusted because it doesn't have proper effect anymore. Have seen it many times with my mother. I see it when she's starts to slip, I see it in her behavior. And I see it in your GF. She pushing you out thinking this is the cause of her depression. Seriously, they don't see it, this is how their brain works. So all the talk in the world will not change a thing. She needs her space to figure out what is really going on with herself.

    Your first mistake is being there for her. This will only make her more comfortable with her decision not to be with you, because she knows she can fall back on you at anytime. You are enabling her behavior when you do this. You will be a her shlep, she will use you. Cut her off, and be firm about it. Tough love my friend is your answer. Make her really feel that she no longer has you in her life. Tip: we desire more what we can't have right? So back off and stop reaching out. She needs to figure this out on her own and see the true reality of what she has done.
    OMG you are so right! Everything you said in the first paragraph sounds like it's about my ex-fiance. He has severe depression and anxiety. He had a great job, our relationship and wedding booked, some friends. But he was so depressed and negative that he lashed out at colleagues, me. He got very heavily into drugs and spent all our wedding money on these drugs! And he was suspended from work for his drug behaviours. He sabotaged everything good he had.

  2. #22
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Tinydance
    OMG you are so right! Everything you said in the first paragraph sounds like it's about my ex-fiance. He has severe depression and anxiety. He had a great job, our relationship and wedding booked, some friends. But he was so depressed and negative that he lashed out at colleagues, me. He got very heavily into drugs and spent all our wedding money on these drugs! And he was suspended from work for his drug behaviours. He sabotaged everything good he had.
    Oh jeeez I am so sorry you had to go through this. wow.

  3. #23
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    OK I'm with Seraphim on this. This is about her depression. My mother suffers from depression, I have dealt with it for 56 years so I have a lot of experience with this. Going off medication is bad, and she needs to be on it. People who suffer from depression blame the people around them for how they are feeling so they push them away, breakup, disappear, or get into drugs or alcohol to cope. This is what is happening. Sticking a ring on her finger would have given her short term happiness for a few days, and then she would be down at the pits of depression again.

    People who suffer from mental a mental illness do often go off their medication because they are in a good place and feel they don't need it anymore. So far from the truth. Clinical depression is forever, there is no cure. It has to be regularly managed with a doctor, and maintained for life. Over time medication needs to be adjusted because it doesn't have proper effect anymore. Have seen it many times with my mother. I see it when she's starts to slip, I see it in her behavior. And I see it in your GF. She pushing you out thinking this is the cause of her depression. Seriously, they don't see it, this is how their brain works. So all the talk in the world will not change a thing. She needs her space to figure out what is really going on with herself.

    Your first mistake is being there for her. This will only make her more comfortable with her decision not to be with you, because she knows she can fall back on you at anytime. You are enabling her behavior when you do this. You will be a her shlep, she will use you. Cut her off, and be firm about it. Tough love my friend is your answer. Make her really feel that she no longer has you in her life. Tip: we desire more what we can't have right? So back off and stop reaching out. She needs to figure this out on her own and see the true reality of what she has done.
    That was the response I was afraid of haha, I need to be firm with her I know but I'm not like most guys I wear my heart on my sleeve. Your advice does sound solid, perhaps I do just need to know my own self worth and be clear to her I won't tolerate being treated like this.

  4. #24
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    would absolutely NOT propose.
    You were VERY clear to her that you could only stay the weekend for excellent reasons.
    She acted like a pouty child and broke it off because you didn't.
    You don't need her. Its hard to be with someone with chronic depression, but more so people that do not have it under control.
    The trips being cancelled - well that's just life right now.
    If she cannot roll with things that are out of both of your control, then i can't imagine what she would be like if something actually bad happened to one of you.
    I get it, the pandemic is bad - but neither of you are sick and at the most you were inconvinienced.
    I would not fight for her. I would leave her be

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  6. #25
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    She is responsible for uplifting herself actually. If she is struggling right now like many are with their mental health due to world circumstances she has to address that.
    I agree.

    This is not about him proposing, but about the issues with her mental health. Covid has also made things 100 times worse.

    Enabling the behavior is the worst thing you can do, OP. You need to be complete no contact.

  7. #26
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    Originally Posted by smackie9
    OK I'm with Seraphim on this. This is about her depression. My mother suffers from depression, I have dealt with it for 56 years so I have a lot of experience with this. Going off medication is bad, and she needs to be on it. People who suffer from depression blame the people around them for how they are feeling so they push them away, breakup, disappear, or get into drugs or alcohol to cope. This is what is happening. Sticking a ring on her finger would have given her short term happiness for a few days, and then she would be down at the pits of depression again.

    People who suffer from mental a mental illness do often go off their medication because they are in a good place and feel they don't need it anymore. So far from the truth. Clinical depression is forever, there is no cure. It has to be regularly managed with a doctor, and maintained for life. Over time medication needs to be adjusted because it doesn't have proper effect anymore. Have seen it many times with my mother. I see it when she's starts to slip, I see it in her behavior. And I see it in your GF. She pushing you out thinking this is the cause of her depression. Seriously, they don't see it, this is how their brain works. So all the talk in the world will not change a thing. She needs her space to figure out what is really going on with herself.

    Your first mistake is being there for her. This will only make her more comfortable with her decision not to be with you, because she knows she can fall back on you at anytime. You are enabling her behavior when you do this. You will be a her shlep, she will use you. Cut her off, and be firm about it. Tough love my friend is your answer. Make her really feel that she no longer has you in her life. Tip: we desire more what we can't have right? So back off and stop reaching out. She needs to figure this out on her own and see the true reality of what she has done.
    Absolutely! My father is bipolar and has been on and off non medication compliant for 54 years . My entire lifetime. Thankfully my husband is completely compliant with his mental health treatment and medication and so am I . It is impossible to work it out with people who are noncompliant.

  8. #27
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    Take yourself more seriously and by that I mean understand better what you need in a relationship. There should be equal levels of reciprocity or it won't work. There's too much co-dependence and white knight syndrome. You're jumping through all those hoops to try and keep her afloat. Is there a reason you do this or feel the need to do this? Do your previous relationships also have this pattern?

    Whether it's her depression or it's something else, she's initiated a break up and when someone does this, don't second guess those actions. She's showing you something is not working. Trust that and don't begin to think that you know better due to other issues like mental health or differences in opinion. She doesn't want to continue the relationship so respect that and don't pursue it further. It's healthy and normal to feel like the floor's been pulled from under you or to feel disoriented and upset. That's what break ups do. Give this some time for things to sink in and the dust to settle.

    Don't deepen any commitment with someone unless you both have similar ideas about the future or understand each other better whether that includes mental health, physical health or your lives in general. I'm very sorry all this has happened. Take a time out to figure things out for yourself and what you need in a relationship.

  9. #28
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    Dude, for the love of God please don't listen to those telling you to run to her with a ring. It's a 100% guarantee she'll reject you. You'll be left devastated.
    The truth is we really don't know what the hell is up with her because the dynamics of your relationship has clearly not been revealed, so it's everybody's guess.
    For all we know you could be the problem and you don't even know it. All you can do now that is within your power is to leave her alone and let her figure this out.
    Don't text, call or social media her (if this is what you're doing) or any of that stuff. Like ever, until she finally has the courage and respect to call and talk to you like a normal person.
    So far the way you've explained it you didn't seem to have done anything wrong so ya, don't give her the time or day. Just continue to do you and that's it.
    Yes, I know, IT'S HARD! Believe me, I know. It's more than hard, it's miserable. The truth is the last thing you need now is a problem in your hands that's going to cripple your self esteem further into the future if you sorta force the situation.
    You don't want a woman with this kind of baggage in your hands. I'm telling you, your life with her will be a nightmare. Just give her ALL THE TIME she needs and let her come to you. That's it.
    Take charge, be a man and suck up the pain because this is life. I'm sorry you're going through this but so did I. Hell, I went through it like I wouldn't want on my worse enemy. You can do it brotha!

  10. #29
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    Originally Posted by JustinPonders
    Dude, for the love of God please don't listen to those telling you to run to her with a ring. It's a 100% guarantee she'll reject you. You'll be left devastated.
    The truth is we really don't know what the hell is up with her because the dynamics of your relationship has clearly not been revealed, so it's everybody's guess.
    For all we know you could be the problem and you don't even know it. All you can do now that is within your power is to leave her alone and let her figure this out.
    Don't text, call or social media her (if this is what you're doing) or any of that stuff. Like ever, until she finally has the courage and respect to call and talk to you like a normal person.
    So far the way you've explained it you didn't seem to have done anything wrong so ya, don't give her the time or day. Just continue to do you and that's it.
    Yes, I know, IT'S HARD! Believe me, I know. It's more than hard, it's miserable. The truth is the last thing you need now is a problem in your hands that's going to cripple your self esteem further into the future if you sorta force the situation.
    You don't want a woman with this kind of baggage in your hands. I'm telling you, your life with her will be a nightmare. Just give her ALL THE TIME she needs and let her come to you. That's it.
    Take charge, be a man and suck up the pain because this is life. I'm sorry you're going through this but so did I. Hell, I went through it like I wouldn't want on my worse enemy. You can do it brotha!
    Thanks man I really appreciate the comments. I dont have much to say regarding dynamics of our relationship, she was my first real love and we seemed to get on perfect together. Did at times feel too perfect if thats even a thing but I would never have imagined she'd do something like this. Hence why I took to posting in an online forum im just struggling to understand what I could have possibly done! I've had a good think about my plans today and I think its probably best if I just let her go, like the old saying goes if you love someone let them go. Really have to stand my ground with this, man up and know what I'm worth. She might not appreciate everything I do for her but I'm certain someone out there will.

  11. #30
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    OP, you mentioned that she has retreated before but never broken up with you until now.

    Can you clarify what you mean? How frequently did that happen, and what did she do - go quiet for a day? Distant for longer?

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