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Thread: Girlfriend of 4 years recently left me over text without real explination

  1. #11
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Originally Posted by petitpuddin
    Im sorry you are torn apart.. but I would have left you too. You did not see your window to romance her and the woman needs someone upliftly, understanding, optimistic and fully on her and her family's side.
    She is responsible for uplifting herself actually. If she is struggling right now like many are with their mental health due to world circumstances she has to address that.

  2. #12
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    Originally Posted by petitpuddin
    It might be to late to fight for her. Are you going to try tho? How much does she mean to you?
    Well I was ready to propose to this girl, the relationship and friendship mean't everything to me. I mean my whole family love her too and that's a big deal to me.

  3. #13
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    Also romance is not entirely up to the man. If women want to be equal then be equal.

  4. 07-25-2020, 08:48 AM

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    Originally Posted by petitpuddin
    Have you heard the term, "as good as it gets"? She wants to know you would enjoy MUNDANE home life with her.. because thats what day to day life in a marriage mostly is and what life in a pandemic is.
    To be fair I don't mind it at all, I enjoyed playing cards with her grandparents and watching tv with her, sometimes it's nice not to have plans and just chill. It's her that loves to keep busy but as I say there isn't a whole load we can do currently.

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  7. 07-25-2020, 08:57 AM

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    Originally Posted by petitpuddin
    Maybe contact someone in her family you are closest to, tell them you and your family love their daughter, granddaughter etc. Just say you messed up and were hoping you didnt miss the chance for their blessing to marry her.. Make a move, wear your heart on your sleeve.. defend your woman one more time.
    To be honest with you I'm really down with the idea of treating this like a Disney movie, she's a nanny and spends majority of her days watching kids shows/programs which is why she loves Disney so much.

    She loves Moana so I gotta come up with something whitty and romantic haha, I think at this point there's nothing else to lose. If she rejects me I got my answer and I can move on, if not, happy days!

  9. 07-25-2020, 09:09 AM

  10. 07-25-2020, 09:19 AM

  11. #16
    Forum Supporter ~Seraphim ~'s Avatar
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    How old are the both of you ?

  12. #17
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    Originally Posted by ~Seraphim ~
    How old are the both of you ?
    I'm 27 and she is 24.

  13. #18
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    A partner who really cares will address whatever problems she wants fixed. She addressed zero problems. You're both young so it could be that she outgrew the relationship and wants to experience more relationships before finally settling down. It could also be that her depression isn't letting her enjoy anything, and she's seeing things through a faulty lens.

    Many people need to stay on antidepressants for a lifetime, just as people who suffer from diabetes just can't stop taking insulin without bad consequences.

    My first husband suffered from depression, and I know how lonely I felt when he wasn't on his meds, and he would withdraw and isolate. He also was defensive and angry. The two years he was on meds, it was wonderful, but he weaned himself off and became even worse, which is when I divorced him.

    Of course you will need time to mourn this relationship before being able to heal and move on. I wouldn't recommend returning to a relationship with a depressed person unwilling to stay on meds, and especially one who drops you without working with you on problems she sees.

    Like I said, it doesn't seem like there was a problem as far as she is concerned, or if there is, she doesn't care to fix it with you and prefers to move on without you.

    That's all you need to know, as well as past behavior being the best predictor of future behavior. If she dumped you with a vague explanation once before, if you two got back together, she'd likely repeat that behavior once the newness wore off.

    There is great growth from the late teens to the late twenties. What one wanted earlier in the decade might do a full 360 within a few years. It has nothing to do with nonsense about grand romantic gestures. That's not what was lacking in the relationship and please don't embarrass yourself by doing anything like that with a woman who so easily dumped you. Believe me, she won't welcome it.

    I'd go no contact so your closure isn't dragged out. Although you can't fathom it now, fate has someone far better in store for you--a woman who will never leave you. Not even once.

    Listen to the Garth Brooks song "Unanswered Prayers." It might make you feel a tad better.

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    Originally Posted by petitpuddin
    "Sheíd been through some terrible relationships, and been cheated on" and she stuck by you, 4 YEARS. You missed your opportunity! If she likes Disney movies come on, get back on that horse turn around gallop to her with that ring and tell her you think the world of this woman as your lady and best friend.
    Or better still you could do it The Graduate or Romeo and Juliet style! You could swing from a curtain or climb up her balcony! Lol In all seriousness though, from everything you've said, you know what you did wrong? Nothing! You've been nothing but a devoted boyfriend, who supported her through all her depressive times and tried to romance her. Everything that happened with covid is not your fault at all. It happened to everyone. Literally I see nothing here you could have done differently. Above all you deserve a proper explanation after four years together. You've been such a sweetheart and she just sends you a text? No explanation or closure? She at least owes you a face to face talk!

  15. #20
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    OK I'm with Seraphim on this. This is about her depression. My mother suffers from depression, I have dealt with it for 56 years so I have a lot of experience with this. Going off medication is bad, and she needs to be on it. People who suffer from depression blame the people around them for how they are feeling so they push them away, breakup, disappear, or get into drugs or alcohol to cope. This is what is happening. Sticking a ring on her finger would have given her short term happiness for a few days, and then she would be down at the pits of depression again.

    People who suffer from mental a mental illness do often go off their medication because they are in a good place and feel they don't need it anymore. So far from the truth. Clinical depression is forever, there is no cure. It has to be regularly managed with a doctor, and maintained for life. Over time medication needs to be adjusted because it doesn't have proper effect anymore. Have seen it many times with my mother. I see it when she's starts to slip, I see it in her behavior. And I see it in your GF. She pushing you out thinking this is the cause of her depression. Seriously, they don't see it, this is how their brain works. So all the talk in the world will not change a thing. She needs her space to figure out what is really going on with herself.

    Your first mistake is being there for her. This will only make her more comfortable with her decision not to be with you, because she knows she can fall back on you at anytime. You are enabling her behavior when you do this. You will be a her shlep, she will use you. Cut her off, and be firm about it. Tough love my friend is your answer. Make her really feel that she no longer has you in her life. Tip: we desire more what we can't have right? So back off and stop reaching out. She needs to figure this out on her own and see the true reality of what she has done.

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