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Thread: Misunderstanding turned sour.

  1. #61
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Lambert
    Right. like why wouldn't the OP just call or text the woman and say I'm meeting you at the restaurant?

    OP- you're best bet is to ask her "what can I do so that we communicate better"

    take some ownership of the problem and the solution. As someone once famously said, if you're not part of the solution, you're part of the problem.

    Give a little and you'll get a lot.
    Yep. Cop to the fact that you flaked on her.

    She's grieving a loss, and she doesn't need you acting like a 12 year old by defending yourself for being non-committal and passive. This doesn't make you a villain, but you'll get better results if you just own full responsibility for your mistake and stop expecting her to make this right for you.

  2. #62
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    “That’s just how we roll.“

    How’s that working for ya?

    I can see why she has let it roll your way so far because you are impossible to reason with.
    You still think her anger came out of no where.
    It didn’t!

    Fine if she normally calls or texts after work.
    But this was not a normal evening.

    So stop acting like it was.

    I haven’t read all the thread but I hope you apologised for your behaviour since.

  3. #63
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Exactly. I have a headache just trying to read all the gyrations and passive aggressive pontificating. Can't imagine what she must be going through.
    Originally Posted by LootieTootie
    So the girlfriend you love just lost someone this past week, and you are thinking about your phone call you didn't get from her? Nice...

  4. #64
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    I agree OP she could have refrained from using nasty words and being upset at the fact you didn’t want to go. At the same time I see it from her perspective. She just lost someone close and you’re not being forthright with the invitation she has given you. Then after the gathering with her friends you end up calling her out on not contacting you so you can then at last minute go. You have to see why she would be upset right?

    Put yourself into her shoes just for a moment if the situation was reversed.

    All that aside I do see you two as incompatible with the way you communicate. You need someone more docile and appreciative of the fact you can make last minute arrangements if needed.

    I think there’s more boiling beneath the surface in terms of communicating and each person getting their needs met.

    I would apologize for your part in it and if she doesn’t take ownership in her negative talk then at least you know.

    You said you don’t need the drama so maybe this is coming to a head in the right direction for you both to part ways.

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  6. #65
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    After skimming through a big chunk, I don't see the issue of you two not meeting up for dinner wasn't the main event, but the tip of the iceberg. You flat out do not make her a priority, and she is now realizing this.

    It's always about you. Your needs. Your feelings. Your work. How she needs to text first. How she needs to spell everything out for you. How she needs to do this.

    You really could of just said, "I need to work on a project. If I finish what I need to get done, I will call/text you, and come join you." Instead of just assuming she knows precisely when to text you.

    Here's a perfect example:
    Customer wants Large Nitrile Gloves during a pandemic.
    Company tells customer it's on a backorder, but will come in a few months, but they must place an order to secure their spot in line to receive gloves.
    Customer decides to just wait and try in a few months.
    Company sells gloves to all customers who pre-ordered.
    Customer calls to see if gloves are available. All gloves are sold. Customer gets no gloves, and now is using plastic bags.
    Customer is irate that they got no gloves even though the company specifically said to order gloves months ago.

    My point - make an effort. Make plans for the both of you. Don't wait last minute, and expect her or some company to bow to you for your business or company.

    Stop deflecting. The fact that you also try to blame her for not texting at the moment you were ready is super duper passive aggressive on your part.

    Either you can really sit and think about this, and learn, or you'll just carry it over to the next and next relationship.

  7. #66
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    "Customer wants Large Nitrile Gloves during a pandemic.
    Company tells customer it's on a backorder, but will come in a few months, but they must place an order to secure their spot in line to receive gloves.
    Customer decides to just wait and try in a few months.
    Company sells gloves to all customers who pre-ordered.
    Customer calls to see if gloves are available. All gloves are sold. Customer gets no gloves, and now is using plastic bags.
    Customer is irate that they got no gloves even though the company specifically said to order gloves months ago.

    My point - make an effort. Make plans for the both of you. Don't wait last minute, and expect her or some company to bow to you for your business or company."

    What an amazing example. Love this analogy. (unfortunately I experienced the opposite during this pandemic where I jump online at crazy hours to secure disinfecting products and then the company cancels my order lol)

  8. #67
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    Originally Posted by tattoobunnie
    It's always about you. Your needs. Your feelings. Your work. How she needs to text first. How she needs to spell everything out for you. How she needs to do this.
    Yes.

    I see this as one long power trip on OP's part.

  9. #68
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by MissCanuck
    Yes.

    I see this as one long power trip on OP's part.
    i agree... its like OP is constantly saying, "prove you love me first."

    Must be exhausting in your 40's/50s

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