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Thread: Stuck in a rut.....

  1. #1

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    Stuck in a rut.....

    okay so here goes. I've been with my husband 17 years, married for 10 with two children and in my early thirties. Nearly 2 years ago my husband kept on talking to a girl in work 10 years younger. They would talk on fb every day and send sexual memes. I told him I wasn't happy about the content and the amount so could he chill out a bit. 2 months later he left his phone open with a long snap chat convo to her, i picked the phone up, he grabbed it and wouldnt let me see. After 3 different stories he told be he had been down and she was being a mate and helping him. I asked him to not talk to her on snapchat, that lasted 5 days. He then moved over to whattsapp until I found out. He then moved on to whattsapp calls for over a month 20-30 min convos more than once a day. I found out. He then moved onto texting and calling but deleting them, I seen it on my phone bill. This has been going on since last Xmas and he won't stop, its excessive. Everyday! He's now talking to her again on snapchat. Says it always about work but won't open any messages from her in front of me. I've told him numerous times over the last month that I can't take it any more as he needs to earn my trust but he still won't stop talking to her.
    I don't think he's cheating physically but just don't understand why he's doing this to me/us. He won't even talk about it!

    Advice needed!

  2. #2
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    He's cheating emotionally! that's still cheating. If he's doing things in secret, he shouldn't be doing it.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Be firm. Tell him he has options. Marriage therapy, divorce or his lady friend. Don't continue to play this cat and mouse game.
    Originally Posted by Amyw7891
    2 months later he left his phone open with a long snap chat convo to her, i picked the phone up, he grabbed it and wouldnt let me see. I've told him numerous times over the last month that I can't take it any more as he needs to earn my trust but he still won't stop talking to her.

  4. #4
    Super Moderator HeartGoesOn's Avatar
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    It may be time to draw him a picture, and explain what the term "consequences" mean. Apparently he's got quite comfortable with showing his disrespect towards you. He'll continue to run with this until you draw the line, where he'll either sink or swim.

    I'm sorry you're in the situation, but you need to say what you mean, and mean what you say.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
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    He doesn't care that he's putting your marriage at risk. You are taking it and have been for 6 months. He doesn't care that it upsets you. You found out because secrets always have a way of coming out sooner or later. Time to wake him up and show him you're not a doormat. Show him the phone number for a lawyer and the phone number of a marriage counselor you've written down. Tell him to pick one. And no, it's not a game.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    I agree with others.

    You must put your foot down and mean it. Does he want a divorce? there cannot be three people i this marriage.

    Its completely disrespectful. How would he feel if the tables were turned.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member boltnrun's Avatar
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    You told him numerous times yet you are still there. He doesn't believe you'll actually do anything about it because so far you haven't.

    Are you willing to actually follow through with consequences? If so, what are you willing to do?

  9. #8
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    I have a hard time believing this hasn't already gone physical, OP. I would put money on it,

    You have to decide what the consequences will be if he continues this affair (and yes, that's what it is - emotional at the very least) Where is your boundary, and what are you going to do to implement it?

    He will keep doing this as long as you continue to tacitly allow it by not really showing him you mean business.

  10. #9
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    He's hiding it from you because he actually IS cheating! If he wasn't why would he hide it? If the chat was only friendship and about work, then why are you not allowed to see it and why does he delete it? Very clearly he's doing something dodgy. And he's talking to that girl so much and doesn't even care what you say to him or about hurting your feelings! He's not even subtle about it which is very disrespectful. I mean if he's been going on like that for two years, sounds like he's not really committed to your marriage? I think you need to say to him, it's me or her. If he chooses her you should break up. He's been told many times and he continues on with this girl. He might even be cheating on you physically for all you know.

  11. #10
    Gold Member Betterwithout's Avatar
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    There are healthy co-worker relationships, but this is not one of them. AND he is hiding it from you. 100% not cool.

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