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Thread: Grad students, do you have meeting with your advisor outside of business hours?

  1. #1
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    Grad students, do you have meeting with your advisor outside of business hours?

    I started dating someone from bumble (we are not exclusive) and we get along great and are both into one another. Heís really sweet and treats me right unlike a lot of others I have dated. Heís a masters student and is writing his thesis and should be defending this coming fall.

    Last time I saw him (Wednesday) we talked about doing something this Saturday. I texted him today with some ideas, thinking heíd know I was talking about the weekend and not tonight especially since I mentioned some activities that are typically done during the day.

    Anyway, once we decided on an activity, he wrote back saying ďhow about tomorrow/Sunday? I have a meeting with my advisor tonight at 8pmĒ. I am probably being insecure and crazy but it seemed kind of weird/fishy that he would feel the need to tell me what he was doing tonight instead of just asking if we could do tomorrow/Sunday. And I know we are not exclusive so he is free to see others but he couldíve just said he couldnít tonight and left it at that, even though I wasnít asking about tonight.

    We havenít had the talk about if we are still dating others yet so itís obviously still okay if he is seeing others, it just seems weird he would have an advisor meeting 8pm on a Friday night and if itís not true, that he would lie to me about it when I didnít even ask.

    Iím not in academia so I donít know whatís the norm and whatís not.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    I'd leave it and don't overthink it. Chances are you're getting ahead of yourself. The world is upside down at the moment and schedules and routines have changed. Just see him on Sunday and ask him how his meeting went and ask more about what his thesis is about. Overall, does he seem like an interesting person to you?

  3. #3
    Forum Supporter Fudgie's Avatar
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    I am a grad student. I no longer meet with my advisor in person d/t COVID but we have done Zoom meetings together. My brother is a grad student, PhD, and he meets with his advisor a LOT. Again, not in person anymore but now it's over Zoom. I think he has weekly or more meetings now and sometimes in the evening because that's what works best for his advisor.

    Keep in mind that some advisors are working professionals and meeting outside of regular business hours because they have to. Mine works part time/teaches part time AND is my advisor.

    You're overthinking it.

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    Originally Posted by Rose Mosse
    I'd leave it and don't overthink it. Chances are you're getting ahead of yourself. The world is upside down at the moment and schedules and routines have changed. Just see him on Sunday and ask him how his meeting went and ask more about what his thesis is about. Overall, does he seem like an interesting person to you?
    Yes he is very interesting! Seems like a real nice guy too but Iím always wary in the beginning because a lot of people can act that way and then turn out to not really be like that

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member j.man's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by jackie103
    I started dating someone from bumble (we are not exclusive) and we get along great and are both into one another. Heís really sweet and treats me right unlike a lot of others I have dated. Heís a masters student and is writing his thesis and should be defending this coming fall.

    Last time I saw him (Wednesday) we talked about doing something this Saturday. I texted him today with some ideas, thinking heíd know I was talking about the weekend and not tonight especially since I mentioned some activities that are typically done during the day.

    Anyway, once we decided on an activity, he wrote back saying ďhow about tomorrow/Sunday? I have a meeting with my advisor tonight at 8pmĒ. I am probably being insecure and crazy but it seemed kind of weird/fishy that he would feel the need to tell me what he was doing tonight instead of just asking if we could do tomorrow/Sunday. And I know we are not exclusive so he is free to see others but he couldíve just said he couldnít tonight and left it at that, even though I wasnít asking about tonight.

    We havenít had the talk about if we are still dating others yet so itís obviously still okay if he is seeing others, it just seems weird he would have an advisor meeting 8pm on a Friday night and if itís not true, that he would lie to me about it when I didnít even ask.

    Iím not in academia so I donít know whatís the norm and whatís not.
    That about sums it up.

  7. #6
    Member WalterSobcha's Avatar
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    When I was studying I'd usually meet my teachers for such meetings outside of business hours. During business hours they'd be busy teaching, and when they did have a break during business hours they'd want to spend it to actually have a real break in a long working day. I don't think this is really unusual.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sounds like he's polite not weird/fishy. Pick a day/time and enjoy.
    Originally Posted by jackie103
    it seemed kind of weird/fishy that he would feel the need to tell me what he was doing tonight instead of just asking if we could do tomorrow/Sunday.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    He's just being courteous and you are definitely over thinking things.

  10. #9
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    Thanks for all the responses I am definitely over thinking things. I have a feeling that this is too good to be true because he isnít like anyone Iíve dated. He even brought me a gift on our second date based on something I mentioned I really liked on our first date. He might be a keeper

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    Platinum Member melancholy123's Avatar
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    Why do you think he's lying to you?

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