Facebook share
LinkedIn share
Google plus share
Twitter plus share
Give Advice
Ask For Advice
Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast
Results 1 to 10 of 13

Thread: I used my significant other as a reference and don't know how to navigate it

  1. #1
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    229
    Gender
    Female

    I used my significant other as a reference and don't know how to navigate it

    Yeah, I know, bad idea!! But I wasn't thinking. We really did work together, and we met 3 jobs ago. My most recent job, I was laid off due to covid-19, and I already spoke with the owner about being a possible reference for me. The job before that, I was fired (for the first time in my life), and while there were actually a few managers that would gladly give me a glowing review, they have unfortunately since left.

    So, for my new prospective employer, I used my SO as a reference without thinking much of it. I am invited back after my interview for a work-with/shadow, and now I don't know how to navigate questions about my personal life! I'm a bad liar, and the thought of keeping up with a lie for my entire tenure at this place (assuming i'm hired) seems tiring. UGH, any recommendations??

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,385
    Gender
    Female
    I wouldn't lie. I don't think they will be grilling you about who your bf is. I'm assuming you will be putting him as an emergency contact, but if they see that after you've been hired, oh well. Just prove to them you were worth hiring. What's done is done.

  3. #3
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    229
    Gender
    Female
    So should I maybe just attack it head on and address it? You know, it's funny.. during the interview, as expected, they asked what my weaknesses are. Well, one of them is that I am definitely a bad liar. They could either appreciate my honesty, or say get the hell out LOL

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Andrina's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jan 2015
    Location
    central Florida
    Posts
    4,385
    Gender
    Female
    You listed other references. They are getting others opinions as well. No, I wouldn't mention the faux pas. If it's ever brought up in the future, which I highly doubt, I'd own the decision without apology and be confident about it. I'd just say something like: He knew of my great work ethic since we worked together daily at that company, and I felt he could relay good info about my duties.

    It's not like you're lying about a college degree or something major.

    If you're that concerned about it though, you can say: Actually, I realized I shouldn't have given a relative as a reference, and so I'm supplying you with an alternative reference.

  5.  

  6. #5
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
    Join Date
    Apr 2016
    Location
    Cloud Nine
    Posts
    40,358
    Gender
    Male
    Why would they ask personal questions? They're not supposed to. In what capacity did your bf give a reference?
    Originally Posted by quark
    I don't know how to navigate questions about my personal life

  7. #6
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2013
    Location
    Surrey BC, Canada
    Posts
    2,240
    Gender
    Female
    Your personal life isn't any of their business. It's against the law for them to even ask.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,310
    They rarely follow up on the references. I wouldn't sweat it. It is also illegal to ask personal questions.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    NYC
    Posts
    23,310
    Originally Posted by quark
    So should I maybe just attack it head on and address it? You know, it's funny.. during the interview, as expected, they asked what my weaknesses are. Well, one of them is that I am definitely a bad liar. They could either appreciate my honesty, or say get the hell out LOL
    Please do not use that as one of your weaknesses.

  10. #9
    Bronze Member quark's Avatar
    Join Date
    Feb 2013
    Posts
    229
    Gender
    Female
    He just asked me briefly about him, then mentioned that he was into different work nowadays. To which I feigned knowledge about, so as to not make it seem like I had some sort of personal relationship with him. (So I already dug a hole) He was listed as a personal reference, I suppose, so I don't think it's illegal for him to ask certain questions. Having been a hiring manager, I know that legally you are only allowed to ask dates of employment and if they'd rehire..but let's be honest. Few people rarely do. I'm just the sort of person to blab about my personal life in conversations, so I'll regret having to swerve from it. Thanks everyone! lol

  11. #10
    Platinum Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2008
    Posts
    4,741
    By law, you can ask most things, just not if you are married, have kids, previous salary history. But they can of course ask how you know someone.

Page 1 of 2 12 LastLast

Videos


Maintaining A Strong Relationship

Detaching From a Malignant Man

Divorced Parents Prefer Technology and Social Media As Communication Tool

Wedding Jitters Could Be a Predictor for a Future Divorce

Botox Fights Depression And Makes You Feel Happier

Men Are More Sensitive than Women when Having Relationship Problems
Give Advice
Ask For Advice

Tags for this Thread

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •