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Thread: Ex in rebound.

  1. #1
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    Ex in rebound.

    Met ex randomly a little over 1.5 years ago. I had just gotten over a narc ex she was 1.5 mo out of an engagement where here fiancť cheated and she left and never looked back. I wasnít sure if I was a rebound at that point and didnít care tbh. We hit it off right away. Dated for a few months bf/gf after 4 months and I love you shortly after.

    Things were great for a little over a year and prolly at its peak around 10-11 mo. We didnít talk a ton about the future because Iím kind of an emotionally closed off guy but we spent all our time together made memories and loved each other.

    Last few months we had been fighting more and there was a sense of not being satisfied with relationship from both. Main issue was my lack of traditional career/we werenít doing much, and she wasnít sure if I could provide for her in the long run. One night after an argument before bed she told me she loved me and we could do this for years but wasnít sure she saw a future. At the time I was very resentful of her and it was actually the first time
    In our relationship. I walked out after she said that and never expressed my intent for us.

    2 weeks went by and we didnít talk and I saw her on a date with a coworker. I told her the next day that I made a mistake and wanted to take the steps to have a future with her but she didnít believe me.

    Iím now 1.5 nc and she is with new guy. He is exact opposite of me. I was she says she loves him. I have made significant improvements to my life and personal growth, but I doubt she knows, and at this point seems like she has no interest in knowing.

    I really love her and trying not to be selfish. The last few talks we had were calm and very complimentary of each other. In the end she said I wasnít the one. She blocked me after. I respected that and havenít tried to see or contact her. Just looking for thoughts on anyone elseís experience. Having trouble cutting hope out of my mind and moving on.
    Last edited by Hky2020; 07-23-2020 at 02:10 PM.

  2. #2
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    Sorry to hear this. Do you think she precipitated the fight because she was seeing this coworker?
    Originally Posted by Hky2020
    In our relationship. I walked out after she said that and never expressed my intent for us.

    2 weeks went by and we didnít talk and I saw her on a date with a coworker.

  3. #3
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    She's clear with you. This is a no-go. The sooner you realize it's over, the better for you. It doesn't sound like either of you fully appreciated each other.

    Whether she's in a relationship now or not with someone else is none of your business. Don't compare yourself to this other man. It demeans you and her overshare about the new man is not classy. It may hurt but back away slowly and start paying more attention to your own life and your own future. You're self-sabotaging and I think you can do better too. There are other women out there.

    Take a time out and spend some time alone, get back on your feet.

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    I donít think so. It didnít seem like she wanted to break up at the time, and was angry after I left. I believe he was there for her after.
    Last edited by Hky2020; 07-23-2020 at 02:26 PM.

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  6. #5
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    Agree rose. She seems settled with decision. Also I agree I shouldnít be talking about her relationship itís her life. Donít really talk about it just posting on here.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Rose Mosse's Avatar
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    We all have those moments. Skim over them if you can, acknowledge that the curiosity is there and the pain is real. It'll break you more some days than other days but keep your eyes way over in the horizon. There's a lot more to life than living in regret. You'll have to find that conviction and desire to see more on your own but I think that comes with time.

    Give yourself more time.

  8. #7
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    Losing best friend and gf has been very hard. She was a good partner, and I didnít see the damage I was doing in the relationship putting my goals ahead of us.

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    To expand on the block I told her she should, but knew how to get a hold of me if she wanted to talk. Not really sure now why I did it just knew I needed to not reach out after I made my intentions clear once.

  10. #9
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    I think it's very possible that this relationship was a bit of a rebound situation for both of you. Also, fighting the last 2-3 months at or after the 10-11 month mark is pretty much a relationship that is dying a natural death. Whether she was picking the arguments or you were or both of you were, bottom line is that things weren't really clicking and it wasn't meant to be.

    I also think that you should be careful about taking her comments to heart. It's easy and rational to point to career or other objective things as "reasons" for being unhappy, but in reality, if she was really all that in love and felt you were the right guy for her in other respects, career and finances can be worked on, goals can be worked on. I think what she told you was more of a convenient and rational sounding excuse than the real reason. The real reason was simply a much more nebulous, hard to explain factor of you just weren't right for each other and it's the sort of emotional stuff that's really hard to explain because it isn't rational. The feeling just isn't there. In short, please don't beat yourself up because you can't fix that.

    Best that you take your better and improved self and seek out a woman who loves you exactly as you are. Just stay away from the "I just broke up" crowd. Look for someone who is already stable and in a healthy place mentally and emotionally to give her all to a relationship with you. Of course that means you have to offer the same - so let go of the past, heal, reach a healthy place yourself for the next relationship. Don't pine for a rebound ex.

  11. #10
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    Well no offense but if after 1.5 years together you never spoke about the future or gave off the impression that you want something serious, it makes sense why she ended it. If you don't have a career it's not the end of the world (as long as you have a job). But unfortunately some women do care about that. It's not so much a gold digger mentality as it's wondering whether financially you can provide if you settled down.

    I'm 35 and I do want to settle down and have kids. So if someone looked like they were in limbo after 1.5 years, I probably would leave too. But keep in mind maybe you did nothing wrong but you're just not what she's looking for.

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