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Thread: Ex in rebound.

  1. #11
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    It was definitely my career/direction in life. This isnít new information to me, as it has effected relationships in the past. A wedge formed between us and I didnít know how to address it. Iíve since moved on from it after 17 years but I know itís too late to reconcile.

  2. #12
    Platinum Member catfeeder's Avatar
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    Originally Posted by Hky2020
    It was definitely my career/direction in life. This isnít new information to me, as it has effected relationships in the past. A wedge formed between us and I didnít know how to address it. Iíve since moved on from it after 17 years but I know itís too late to reconcile.
    What kind of career did you have that you believe is such a barrier to relationships?

  3. #13
    Platinum Member smackie9's Avatar
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    IMO it wouldn't have made any difference if you did talk about a future or not. Sometimes relationships just run their course. So there is proof of that with her dating someone who is the complete opposite or you. She's being pretty honest saying you were not the one.

    it's great that you have focused on self improvement...ready and better prepared for the next relationship with someone else. You live, learn, grow and go forward.

  4. #14
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    @catfeeder. Iíd rather not go into specifics but it had me on the road for weeks at a time. Relationship was still good then but it was not a grt for a future. When covid happened I moved in with her for a few weeks she kept working in public and I transitioned work to computer (it was taking a lot of my time) things started going south then. We werenít doing anything she would get home tired and I would go to bed after. Little fights started happening and sex fell off. I didnít have the tools to address the problems. In the end she didnít think I would change and made a business like decision.

    Iím not sure how she feels about me anymore since we donít talk and Iíve accepted the breakup as far as perusing or mending. I donít know if the new relationship will last but I donít really believe at this point she will reach out again.

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  6. #15
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    @smacki9. I donít really feel like the relationship was supposed to end there and at the time I donít think she did either. But the weeks apart after break gave her clarity on where it was going and she stuck to her guns. She was hurt after and multiple times asked me why I didnít want to talk about it that night or shortly after. Honestly I was keeping myself so distracted immediately following the breakup I never actually felt the loss. Itís fair that she thinks I was just jealous and pride hurt, but Iíve done a lot of work and realize the mistakes Iíve made.

    Not sure things can ever return down the road as her view of me in the end was not that of a future husband. Iím trying to be happy for her that she found someone that she clicks with but with the speed that it happened I think she just buried the emotions and put most of the blame on me tbh

    we were both tired in the end and both didnít do enough to connect and work things out. I wasnít ready to leave my career path for anyone over the last 17 years and this breakup has made me change what I want. It will make me a better man and partner down the road tho. Wish I woulda had more time to reflect and reconnect but we donít always get that I guess.

    I know people say ďit would be different this timeĒ but I actually believe in our case it would have. Learning how to be a better partner along with changes Iíve made. She just canít take that risk and she has made a clear choice. Hope I see her down the road.
    Last edited by Hky2020; 07-24-2020 at 08:57 PM.

  7. #16
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    When did you move out? Did you move back to. Your place?

  8. #17
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    Never got rid of my place. Was just majority of the time there during covid.

  9. #18
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    Well keep in mind that if you're talking about settling down and you couldn't live together, obviously it's not going to work. I think you can't really say "It didn't work out because of covid". Covid was a test to see whether your relationship can withstand living together and being in difficult situations. Your ex wanted to settle down and that involves actually living together and going through life together. Anything can happen in life at anytime. Going through covid would have been what would have happened if you did live together, were married, etc. You didn't gel living together and going through this situation. Serious relationships need good team work and problem solving skills, which the two of you didn't have. Together I mean. Again maybe you did nothing wrong in and of itself, but she wasn't in love with you and didn't see a future. But keep in mind that women that want to settle down don't want a partner who is on the road for many weeks at a time. I personally wouldn't. You don't have to change your career if you don't want to, it's your life. But sometimes we need to think of the impact our behaviours or situations have on things we want. Such as having meaningful relationships.

  10. #19
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    It was time to move on from that pursuit tbh. Will be much happier without it. Also she said she still loved me and could spend years more with me but didnít see a future. Assume after the fact that was her attempt to address concerns about relationship and what I thought, but I left like an idiot. Do women ever just make a business decision in a spot like that if they have lost faith in you? Couldnít she have still loved me and walked away? Do they ever change their mind after time apart and problems fixed?
    Last edited by Hky2020; 07-24-2020 at 11:01 PM.

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