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Thread: My fiance grabbed my throat

  1. #1
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    My fiance grabbed my throat

    Okay, so I will start from the begining. I flooded my motorcycle at a gas station and it wouldn't start. My fiance had to come help me then when I got home on it I didn't fully put down the kick stand and it fell on its side. I can't lift it up on my own. I'm petite. He picked it up and started yelling and ing. I ended up saying, " f you" which is not like me. He said, "Oh, F me?!" And he purposely put my bike on its side on the pavement again. I begged him to pick it back up. He refused. I regretfully put one hand on his chest and I didn't really push him but I could feel his weight pushing on my hand. I feel like a monster for this and immediately apologized. I was wrong for that. So, the argument went on for maybe two or three minutes. I kept begging him to pick it up all the sudden he yells, "don't walk behind me!" And grabbed my throat while yelling at me and while holding my throat backed me up against a wall maybe a step or two away. He did not choke me or anything. My neck was still sore the morning after but no bruises. He said, "put your hands on me and then walk behind me?!" Mind you this was not right when I touched him. This was two or three minutes later. I was shocked. I stopped sobbing and just stared at him with my hand on my own neck after he let go. He told me, "you're the girl who gets beaten and doesn't know why." (My past relationship was very abusive). Is this abuse? Did I egg it on or ask for it? Idek I'm so confused. Be honest even if it hurts my feelings please.
    Last edited by Suzuki550; 07-23-2020 at 12:19 PM. Reason: Misspelling

  2. #2
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    Walk out immediately. This is already abusive. Leave today.

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    This is an abusive situation. No one should grab you or hurt you in a relationship. I wouldn't want to stay in a relationship like that and I don't think it is safe to. Saying that you're someone who 'gets beat but doesn't know why' is awful too and emotionally abusive.

    I am very sorry it happened. Has anything like this happened before with him?

  4. #4
    Platinum Member Wiseman2's Avatar
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    You need to end it if it's violent. These days the police will arrest women as well as men and often "who started the physical part" is questioned.

    Get to a therapist to deal with your last abusive situation and anger.

    Stay way from violence and don't be violent.There's no right/wrong, who abused whom here. You pushed him and he grabbed you. Both are violence and assault.


    Walk away when things get heated. Call a friend to help you if you're having problems and find a bike you can handle on your own.
    Originally Posted by Suzuki550

    I regretfully put one hand on his chest and I didn't really push him but I could feel his weight pushing on my hand.

    And grabbed my throat while yelling at me and while holding my throat backed me up against a wall maybe a step or two away.

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  6. #5
    Platinum Member LaHermes's Avatar
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    That biker sure didn't treat his Ol' Lady well.

    Old Lady/Ol' Lady: A wife or long-time girl friend. Has nothing to do with age and is not a derogatory term.
    Last edited by LaHermes; 07-23-2020 at 12:44 PM.

  7. #6
    Platinum Member Lambert's Avatar
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    This is absolutely abuse. I would leave TODAY.

    I don't know what you meant, your your hand on his chest? Did you push him? Not that that mean I think he had the right to grab you by your throat and go to the extent of the words he did.

    You should not be with a man that acts this way. However, you need to do some work yourself.

    Saying **** you to your partner is not right. You can't be so harsh with each other and expect the relationship to be a loving, supportive one.

    Once this poor treatment of each other starts, it is really hard to get back to normal. You both need to change and you probably can't while together.

    I repeat my original statement - leave him today. A man might hit me, but only once. No apologies. Done.

  8. #7
    Platinum Member DancingFool's Avatar
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    Please don't minimize what happened. Yes he did choke you and yes this is abuse and physical violence. No, you aren't responsible or caused his behavior. It doesn't matter if you were both yelling at each other or cussing at each other or that you said fck you - there is NO excuse for what he did.

    Please do whatever you need to do to leave this today - call the abuse hotline, go to a shelter if you live with him, whatever you do, you need to leave now.

    Overall, you were in an abusive relationship before and you literally picked out another violent abuser as a mate again. Please get counseling before you ever date or get involved with anyone ever again. You need a whole lot of help not only to deal with your past but to fix your picker. You've been attacked and choked and you are still not sure if this is abuse? Please please get help for yourself. You need to serious counseling to learn right from wrong and what is and isn't acceptable behavior.

    I doubt this is the first time he was verbally raging at you, except this time he was comfortable getting physically violent as well. Walk away now.

  9. #8
    Platinum Member Snny's Avatar
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    Is this abuse? Did I egg it on or ask for it?
    I have been with my husband for nearly 20 years and he has never laid a hand on me, choked me or grabbed my throat.

    But the last guy I dated before him did. He ended up putting me in a hospital for a concussion.

    This is not normal. Don’t put up and shut up. This relationship is over. You are in for trouble with this man. Don’t marry him.

  10. #9
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    I think you both acted in an abusive way toward each other. I'm very sorry he choked you -how awful!! I think you should take space from each other and get back together only if there is a commitment to do anger management type couples therapy. And not live together during that time.

    As an aside why do you own something you can't handle on your own in a basic way? Did he promise to help you with it as needed?

  11. #10
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    Yes, it is abuse!

    He said "you're the girl who gets beaten and doesn't know why.", that's terrible. It implies abuse is ok if you misbehave! And it is clearly not. Saying "f you" to your partner is not good, but it's not anywhere on the same level as grabbing you by the throat.

    Get away from him, and please, stay away from abusive people.

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